Is it normal to be upset that my boyfriend didn't tell a drunk girl that he, "had a girlfriend"?

While I was Skyping my boyfriend after Canada Day (July 1st), he told me he had something to tell me.

He hashed out what happened when his dad invited all of his friends: everyone got drunk. Including this girl (mind you, the only one that wasn't Asian in a party full of Vietnamese people who ONLY spoke Vietnamese). My boyfriend's dad's friend had brought over his son's girlfriend.

So, everyone gets drunk and my boyfriend is left to drive people to their homes. After he is done with his second last round, he comes back to pick up the girl as she is the only one left. Apparently, she's outside and as soon as she sees him, grabs his hand and says, "Let's hold hands," leading him back to his own car. At this point, my boyfriend APPARENTLY doesn't do anything and just let it happen because he's mostly thinking, "Oh, is she really that drunk?" (Btw, he's fluent in English).

Long story short, she's hitting on him, flirting, and makes it really obvious that she wants to have sex with him. My boyfriend told me that at one point during the ride, she put her hands down her pants and lifted her shirt. And.. he never once mentioned that he had a girlfriend. :/ He said telling her would have been useless because she was "really drunk". He told me, "Yes, something could have happened; she wanted to have sex with me & I could have if I wanted to, but I chose not to. Doesn't that make you happy?" I'm guessing he said no to her advances.

That's all I can really hold onto, but it doesn't give me much hope. I mean, was he really thinking about me in that situation? Or is it because she was drunk?

Apparently before she left his car, she told him that she really appreciated him driving her home, and then proceeded to throw out her bottle in her recycling bin (had a beer at the front). Then my boyfriend thought she was faking being drunk "after all".
"After all" sounds sketchy & "Doesn't that make you happy?" sound insincere.

Super insecure b/cuz he had already cheated on me before twice. ):


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah he should have told her and not allowed her to do that kind of stuff. It's normal for you to be upset.

    I don't know why you would stay with him tho when he has already cheated on you twice, he's obviously gonna do it again, since he basically expects praise from you for not cheating on you.

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    • I'm... constantly hoping it won't happen again. ): I also have a lot of admiration for people who go through heart breaks... because it's really painful and honestly speaking, I don't know if I'm strong enough to let go. We've been in an on and off relationship, and I do believe that he does care about me deeply; but his defense mechanism of breaking up on the spot during an argument has really hurt me. The cheating thing is something that has been affecting us long term as I have a lack of trust in his ability to commit. But I don't know how to let go, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go despite everything that has happened.

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    • Yeah no problem, good luck.

Most Helpful Girl

  • For me it's tricky, and he's cheated before so that makes it a new game entirely (sorry you had to go through that).

    For me it's 1: if he did do something wrong, why tell you the story. Especially in such detail. I mean if he thought you'd somehow find out about the party, ok tell you about the party but he told you a LOT of detail that could potentially hurt you.
    2. I do and don't agree on the telling someone you're taken if they're drunk. I am pretty aware no matter how drunk I am (especially if I can put a bottle in the correct bin), so if someone said they're taken, I'd understand. But in his judgement if he thought it'd make no difference - then ok.
    3. It's hard to believe someone after they violated that trust. And for me, he should never put himself in that situation, he should've called a taxi or taken her with other people. If he knows he's done things he does NOT have the right to decide how upset you get to be, no matter how much time has passed. He should make sure others are around in those situations, not get snappy at you etc and be doing his best to show you he can be trusted. The honesty is a good start but he could've done more.

    But in this case, it seems like he's annoyed you're still holding some trust issues when he says "doesn't that make you happy", when he has no right to determine how long you take to heal. More than it seems insincere.

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What Guys Said 11

  • he could've said it but i agree that saying it may not have done anything

    but i think because of his past he needs to do more to prove that he is all about you and so in that case he should've said something

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  • Yeh he should have told her and not spent so much time with her. Seems he was testing the water see if she liked him and would probably have taken it further if he could.

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  • The more insecure you get over shit like this, the more likely you'll drive your boyfriend away or worse - to actually take up other girls' offers.

    I mean... if you're going to be mad at him anyway and punish him as if he did something wrong, what's he got to lose?

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    • I can't help but to be insecure because of how unstable our relationship was in the past... and what do you mean by punish him?

  • He told you what happened. He was honest. He did not do anything with her. You're overreacting.

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    • You're right... I could very well be overreacting... However, I do also think I have a valid reason to be this upset. I'm scared of seeing a pattern so I just wanted to make sure if what I was feeling was normal. I turned to forums like GirlsAskGuys in hopes to find my answers. >.<

  • Well I don't know why you're with him if he has cheated on you twice but I actually agree that if he believed she was really drunk it would have probably been a waste of time to insist that he had a girlfriend.

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    • May I ask why? Coming from his perspective, I'd like to understand... I can understand why it would be, but whether or not it's even valuable to say that he has a significant other... I want to understand why he didn't say it.

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    • Well he could have easily had sex with her so I would wager that he did think about you seeing as he didn't go for it. Then again he could have wanted to avoid having sex with a drunk woman for legal reasons. I'd recommend breaking up with him regardless. You're 20, there's no reason to waste your youth on someone who doesn't appreciate you.

    • Hm... yea... okay >_<... Thank you for your feedback and explanation, that helps :D

  • If I was doing lifts and had a mrs at the time and some chick tried to put her hands down my pants i'd tell her 1.) I have a mrs 2.) Kindly fuu off. If she ignored both of those I'd pull over and she'd be walking. Your boyfriend is sketch.

    Promiscuity doesn't just leave someones habits. Sounds more or less he's placing a story now incase someone brings it up and he gets caught out "Nah babe, I told you what happened."

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  • yup, it's normal.

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  • He didn't do anything wrong, you shouldn't be worried and he doesn't have to say he has a girlfriend as long as he doesn't do anything "wrong".

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  • I see no problem with how he acted. However, you said he's cheated on you twice in the past so just break up with him. You're an idiot for staying with him.

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    • It's hard to break out of the cycle when it's with someone you love. He's also my first boyfriend, and the first person I love. I have no experience when it comes to feelings. It's easier to hold on and hope things will get better.

  • July 1 st is a big party weekend , that sort of things happens when drinking is involved , it doesn't sound like he did anything with her

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What Girls Said 11

  • He has cheated on you twice, and you're surprised that he did this... why?
    He's really childish for telling you this and expecting it to make you feel better. I'm honestly thinking he purely told you this to make you feel insecure and to give him more power in the relationship.
    You should have broken up with him the first time he cheated. Why are you putting up with this kind of behavior?

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    • Because... I still love him despite everything ><

    • Even though you love someone, it doesn't mean they're good for you or worth having in your life. Plus, it wouldn't surprise me if you love the IDEA of him. Like you have this image of him in your head in which he's nice, he's not cheating on you, he's not telling you shit live this about how he *could* have cheated etc. And you hold on to this idea and tell yourself subconsciously that that's who he is in real life. It's a very common thing for people to do when they're in relationships where they're being mistreated, abused, lied to and so on. Like they try to justify their partner's actions by saying "but I love him/her", "oh he didn't mean it", "he's really not like that", "it was just a mistake" blah blah.
      You need to leave him because this is clearly not a happy relationship. You shouldn't be questioning yourself and asking if it's normal to be upset over things that ARE completely normal to be upset over. It just shows that you've grown used to justifying his behavior and

    • accepting it, to the point of not being able to tell right from wrong anymore.

  • He cheated on you twice before and you are still with him?
    I am not trying to tell you what to do with your life, but cheaters really shouldn't get that many chances because then they would know they can get away with it.
    Him telling you "something could have happened, but I didn't make it happen so doesn't that make you happy?" Sounds so snobby that I would have scuffed right at him if he told me that. He makes it sound as if he's doing you a favor in stead of doing what is right.
    Again, I am not suggesting you go break up with him on the spot. I don't personally know the dude so I have no right to fully judge. I have no right to judge even if I did know him. It's not my place. But all I am saying, is if you suspect that he has just another intention of cheating on you, or if you feel like he takes you for granted, don't stay in the relationship for long. No girl deserves to be cheated on (no guy either). Cheating is just awful. He should have told her he has a girlfriend even if the girl was drunk. The fact that he felt the need to "confess" to you means he realised he did something wrong.
    For now let it go. But don't allow him to use you again. You deserve better.

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    • I agree so much. "Look! I was given the opportunity to cheat and I didn't! Give me a cookie for doing what I'm *supposed* to do!" Ffs what a loser.

  • If he's cheated TWICE why would you be with such a man?

    You'll never be able to fully trust him. Why do you want to live that way? Anxious all the time... ugh, no thanks.

    Also, don't you feel you deserve better and feel you have more worth than to be with someone who's cheated? There are NO "mistakes" when it comes to cheating---it's a choice.

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  • Break up with him, I know you probably ofcourse don't want to hear this, but he's a douche, he's already cheated on you twice, what makes you think he won't do it again, he forgot about you while he was drunk he "accidentally" forgot to tell her he had a girlfriend, sounds like a fucking Scott disick, remember Hun, a cheater is a cheater, leave his ass and find someone who treats you like a princess!

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    • No, it's okay! I need to hear honest opinions, so thank you! He wasn't drunk. ): He was sober - the only one that didn't drink that night because he was researching lol.

    • aw I'm so sorry, but please just leave him, girl you deserve so much better! Don't get upset over it and do not take him back, he's playing games and he's just going to keep cheating on you and hurting you, I'm saying this from experience Hun, I know it's hard but you'll get through it and you'll find an amazing guy who's absolutely so in love with you!!

  • That is extremely sketchy asf, and if he has a record of cheating on you.. I'd say cut him off and find someone better who will treat you right. You deserve waay better than that. Do yourself a favor and find someone better, hun.

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  • I don't think he would have told you about this story if something had happened so don't overthink too much

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  • Break up with that guy. -.-
    He definitely should have said no from the start. HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HOLDING HANDS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
    And he's cheated on you before.

    Girl, he's NOT worth your time.
    Get over him and move on to someone who respects you.

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  • He didn't do anything and he told you about it. I don't think he did anything wrong but you clearly don't trust him because of what has happened in the past.

    You need to forget the past or forget him.

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  • If he's already cheated on you twice I could see your concern. Depending on how recent the cheating happened, I would say leave him. But assuming he's telling the truth and it didn't go anywhere, you should be fine. Just be wary of him.

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  • You're overreacting. I think it's nbd

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  • If he would have done something with her, he wouldn't have told you, I think he was being honest, and he thought he was acting in the best way he could, I wouldn't overthink it too much, no need to be mad at him

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