I couldnt afford to ruin my life... but i did. At 18 i stopped going to school, it was vital for me to stay in school, u went back at 21 but the education sucks. I feel like i am not made for life, i am too broken, i can't open up to people, i fake socializing, i can't sleep with men, i am still a virgin, the moment a guy tried sleep with me, i got a panick attack. I used to be so strong and mature, i used to know what i want, i used to be so strong but now i am behind anyone and i ruined myself. I dont know what happened but i wore a brace througout high school and i guess that experience traumatized, but i think my sister also ruined me, i gave my power to her and i became like her, my mom used to also beat me unexpectedly, i feel like i failed at life and seriously see no point in moving on. I am a social outcast as Always, im a virgin, never had a boyfriend, as soon as i walk into the real world i will not make it. I have no family nor friends, i didn't take control of my life, i should have had and now I never felt this closed off, there is no way someone could get in, i really wanted to live, i really do but i can't even ask for help, i can't even ask for help, i feel left out and depressed, if i was a woman with a warm heart i would have left my family behind, i really, if i was smart i should have left at 17, this regret that i have is too much to bair and live with... the guy i liked said it was depressing for him to meet me.
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You need to get yourself a therapist so that you can get some help learning not to completely hate yourself.2