well i am 20 years old and so is my boyfriend, but i've been talking to an older man (42) for about a year now (me and my boyfriend just started dating 2 months ago) and me and the man i've been talking to first have always liked each other but we both know it isn't just going to work out (even though he lives only a few hours away, he has a girlfriend who he's only with because they have a kid, and i have strict parents and a lot going on, im becoming independent my life is really busy). so i let the idea of us being together go and am now in a relationship. i love it and care deeply about my boyfriend but i still occasionally talk to this man and we're very comfortable with each other and i'll always have a crush on him so sometimes i want to still be sexual with him, but not directly with him. i want to tell him about my sex life with my boyfriend, i know he'd like to hear. but i dont know if my boyfriend would be okay with that and i dont even know how to bring it up.
Most Helpful Guy
If talking with this older guy, from a distance (on GAG?) helps you understand, and feel better about how you relate to your boyfriend, and helps you feel understood, and that someone else cares, that is something that should be yours, privately, and you don't need to share that with your boyfriend. It isn't like you are going to be running off with this guy, and he seems like you think of him as a Big Brother/Father kind that you can ask advice, and share personal things, because it isn't sexual, right?
I think that everyone should have someone, especially someone older, more experienced, that isn't a parent, and won't judge, or punish, but will listen, and offer advice, from their experience.
I try to do that, to a limited degree, here, answering some questions from younger people, knowing that nobody is really there, teaching you anything, or helping you understand.
At his age, he would most likely be VERY upset, but in relationships, it is sometimes OK to keep some things to yourself, and private. If you were my girlfriend, and emailing an older guy, wanting advice, and help, I wouldn't need to know, because I trust the women I am with, and sometimes there are some things that are ok to keep to yourself.
I am glad that you have this person to talk to, and I hope that he can help you, and make you better understand your young boyfriend!! Guys that age are so unsure, so unpredictable, and so prone to reacting to perceived 'slights' that they cannot see the bigger picture, the feelings, and understanding the emotions of relationships, that older, more experienced people know, having made the terrible mistakes, and gone down the wrong roads!!
You can always send me a private message, as well. Best wishes! :)2
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