Is this cheating or something?

My ex dumped me in December and I've never stopped loving her or trying to get her back since, but haven't had any success so far. She finally talked to me once or twice around late March, and we agreed to take time to work on ourselves in the hopes of getting back together. I told I still loved her very much, and she said she still has feelings for me too. I've been trying to talk to her ever since then and even came and visited her a few weeks ago.

Here's the issue: I'd been hooking up with a few girls casually the entire time. They mean nothing to me and I love my ex, but I don't know for sure if she will ever take me back since she said so herself. Anyway, she had a feeling and asked if I was doing anything, and I said no because I tapered it off with the other girls after me and my ex started talking about potentially getting back together. I was too scared to tell her about the past and didn't see what good would come out of it.

She finally got it out of me and now is raging pissed and feels she can't trust me, not because I was hooking up, but because I lied to her about it when I had the chance to man up and tell her. I also switched up the details a bit to not hurt her. She thinks I played her because I didn't tell her the truth. I'm confused because I was and still am a free agent. Did I do something wrong in trying to spare her feelings and keep my business while a single man mine?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes you did. You love her, and want to be back with her and yet the first thing you do is go and get someone else to sleep with in the mean time? Like, she is obviously going to feel "maybe he doesn't want me THAT much". But that really isn't even the main point.
    You lied. You had every right to sleep around, you didn't cheat on her. But if you are trying to get the woman back you claim to love, and the first thing you do is lie, and then when she gets it out of you and tells you she's hurt the second thing you do IS LIE AGAIN. Why should she trust you?

    You don't have to tell her anything you did, but the difference is she asked. At that point you have the option to say "I don't have to answer that" or you tell the truth. You chose to lie, you got caught out, at which point you lied again anyway to spare details. "To not hurt her" (which I think is crap it's about you), if she takes you back, she is going to think you'll lie again. And she's also weighing up whether to take you back because you two broke up for a reason, and that just adds in.

    Did you cheat? No. Did you have a right etc? Yes. But you lied to a question that you could've refused to answer if you wanted or just simply told the truth to. Accept the consequences of lying.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If you loved her why did you hook up with other girls in the firt place?

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  • Bravo.

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What Guys Said 1

  • No i dont think thats cheating

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