My boyfriend's family became racist all of a sudden. Should I break up with him?



I've dated my boyfriend for two months now. (We were best friends for 3 years before dating.)
When we first started dating, everything seemed fine. My family already knew him and accepted him and his family were the same way with me. It wasn't until recently that his family started to treat me differently.

His father was the first one to start treating me different. Soon, his mom did the same. (I was shocked because I thought we were close.)
I hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't understand.

Yesterday, my boyfriend got into it with his father. He asked him what's his issue with me. That's when I saw his father's true colors. He said that he didn't want his only son to date a black girl. He said that people like me are bad news and that we're untrustworthy.
I haven't done a single thing to him or his family to make them think that way. It wasn't until later that evening, that my boyfriend sat down and talked with me.

He said that his dad isn't racist, it's just he tends to be judgmental of blacks. He told me that his dad wasn't always this way, but he became like that after a family member, (my bf's late aunt.) was murdered a decade ago by a person who happened to be black.
He also told me that his parents had been trying to talk him into breaking up with me, but he said he's not going anywhere.

I don't know what to do. I've always been taught that family comes first no matter what and I feel like he should put his family before me. (Even though I don't agree with their beliefs.) this was never an issue when we were just friends all that time. Why is it a problem now? And should I break up with him and continue to just be friends?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "I've always been taught that family comes first"
    Family might come first, but this rule certainly doesn't apply when their ideas make no sense whatsoever. You shouldn't stand by anyone only because you're related to them, if what they say is completely out of this world.

    To me it sounds like your boyfriend is handling the situation, although I don't agree with him when he says his father is not racist, judging someone by their skin colour very easily falls under the definition of racism.
    It's really up to you to know whether you can stand this kind of behaviour or not. You might want to simply avoid his family for a while until they learn to accept it. I know that, if I was you, I wouldn't want to create this kind of issues either, I totally understand, but as long as your boyfriend accepts it, I'd say stay.
    It's 2016, why would you want to let racism win anyway? You both enjoy your relationship and let them complain.

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What Guys Said 5

  • His father is trying to protect him. With BLM movement doing the shit it's doing it's only a matter of time before interracial couples become the target of their ignorance and hatred.

    In the end his father could be trying to protect both of you. It's a dangerous time in the world to be white. We can't say, do, or think anything without having people justifying why we should be killed. God forbid we get into a situation where we have to protect ourselves and the world decides to change the narrative against us.

    I know this has been happening to people of other races for the entire time the US has been around but it's not unique to our country. A man should be judged on his actions and how he presents himself, not on the color of his skin or the actions of other members of a race that appear similar to him.

    I'm sorry this is happening, but you have one group to thank for this and I'm sure you know that it's BLM.

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  • It's your choice. If you love your boyfriend or not. People like dad of your boyfriend has they own truth because, involvement of black people in crime is much more higher than white and Hispanic together. That's why he has prejudice. These people is difficult or sometimes even impossible to convince to change their mind.

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  • He isn't responsible for his family's racism and just because his parents are racist doesn't mean he is or he has to respect their beliefs so I think that would be a unfair reason to break up with him

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  • Thats a tough situation, how is your relationship besides that and how long have you been together? Do you guys have your own place together or not yet?

    I think if you move in together and he explains he loves you they will have to accept it at some point

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    • We've dated for two months and have been friends for three years before that.
      And no. We don't have our own place. We're in college and live with our parents during summer and winter break. The rest of the year, we stay on campus.

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    • When we live on campus, we are in separate dorm buildings. Our college doesn't have co-Ed dorms. But we have been talking about getting an apartment at some point.

    • I hope it works out for you, I'm assuming your boyfriend is White? I think White guy/Black girl couples are cute and rare.

  • racism will continue to exist, as long as it's taught

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What Girls Said 4

  • Don't break up with him over his family. There are plenty of black women who date outside of their race and their parents don't approve, but they are happy with their significant other and the parents eventually they come around. If they bring out a Confederate flag and a shot gun then you better run and forget your boyfriend's number. Some of these people are crazy

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  • Your boyfriend's father is very ignorant. He's judging an entire group based off the actions of one or a few... that's what's wrong with everything/everybody. It's probably suddenly a problem now with everything that's gone on in the past week with the police shootings. Hopefully your boyfriend doesn't allow himself to be influenced by the close-mindedness of his family. At the end of the day if he really loves you he'll follow his heart because it's his life and therefore his choice to be with who he wants.

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    • He hasn't told me he loves me yet, but I can tell he does. And yes, I think it's wrong to judge me based on the actions of others.
      I happen to come from a clean record family. My parents have never done drugs or been arrested. They raised my brother and I to be successful and decent people.

  • I think black and white people have the most issues with the other out of every racial and ethnic group

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  • Dump him while it's early

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