I am a female, 20, and I know that I want a boyfriend. But every time I have the opportunity, I find something about him that I just don't like, and I obsess over it until I don't like him anymore. It can be something SO dumb, like he has a gummy smile. I feel like if he isn't my picture perfect image in my head, he isn't what I want. Which is so awful, and I know it. But I know I want a boyfriend and I know that I'm too picky. I just don't know what I can do about it. And on this topic, where do people who don't go out and party all the time find people? Like I literally have no idea. No one ACTUALLY meets men in coffee shops do they? I've tried.
you have to get to know them beyond the superficial. be their friend before you even consider them as lovers. do you judge your friends so harshly? I bet you don't. Best way is to not think about the things you don't like about them, don't entertain those thoughts. You're choosing to pick out imperfections, just ignore them. Trust me, those things are not dealbreakers... I fell for a guy I never thought I could like. Coincidently he had a gummy smile :D and a terrible personality and he was skinny and lanky, seriously didn't think I could ever like someone like that. No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.. As for meeting guys, you should try volunteering somewhere that interests you, that way you can meet some young people with the same passions as you. Or if you can't afford to volunteer, get a job where a lot of young people work. Also, if you don't like clubs and loud partying, you can always go to a live music bar, those are awesome places, sometimes you can spot a loner and talk to them. Blues/piano bars are great for that or any kind of music that you're into is a great bonding point.
I don't think that lowering your standards is in any way, a good idea. Sounds like you need to just have some guys to talk with, chat with, and be able to share your thoughts, feelings and issues, knowing that they are FAR AWAY, and can just be someone to talk to, and help you, and not have to worry that they are going to try to seduce you, and get you into bed!! I think you need a "Nice Nerd' that knows, and can be a close, intimate confidant, but not want to be anything more than a friend, or helping companion. I wouldn't mind talking, if you like. Send me a PM, if you like.
The key to solving your problem is to normalize your experience. Here's what to do: Find a guy, an older guy, on the internet. Make sure he's not good looking. In fact, find an ugly, old guy on the internet as soon as possible. Make sure he has an attractive avatar (that's important).
Now have sex with him repeatedly. Bang his brains out. Do things to him that you'll need to have therapy to overcome. This will serve to normalize your expectations. After this experience EVERYONE will look good.
Why not up your status.. start working out.. kick aass at university.. get a badass job.. buy better clothes.. and up your own status instead of lowering your standards. Cmon boyo. Have some self worth.
It's up to you to change you. You can change it just may not be comfortable, change often isn't. But buy into a different mindset convince yourself otherwise. Sell yourself on less picky and look at the downsides of being picky and the benefits of being more flexible. Don't view being picky as acceptable, good or OK. See it as a flaw that needs to be corrected and is holding you back if you want to be less picky.
Look at yourself. Reflect on your own flaws that others would have to accept about you. You can keep your most important fundamental standards, but you have to train yourself to realize what truly doesn't matter that much to you or else you'll be stuck alone. Flaws are intimate.
have you ever had a boyfriend?
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