My boyfriend of 3 years and I live together at his house as we are saving for our own house. Problem is whenever we argue he will scream his point of view at me and always say he is right and when trying to explain my own point of view he will then proceed to go downstairs and stay there (where all his family are) so I try and call him back upstairs as I want to have it out and move on but he says argument over and that's it I have to move on and accept he's right and have no say. I know if we moved out then maybe I would get a chance to have this out with him without his family being there or backing him up but how do I sort this short term? How do I get him to listen to me without disappearing downstairs leaving me to sob on my own?
Most Helpful Guy
After asking to speak to him alone...
1.) Tell him your issue. You don't like it when he goes downstairs and avoids the situation after he yells his point... Leaving you alone, etc. Try not to let him interrupt you too much (tell him he'll get a chance on his side in a bit.)
2.) Make sure it doesn't get into a screaming war. Force yourself to stay as calm as you can and keep it rational. Nothing will be resolved if this turns into another screaming match.
3.) Hear his point of view. Maybe he is thinking that by leaving, he is avoiding making the situation any worse. In any case, once you've said your side, hear his side out. Don't interrupt his side as you asked him not to interrupt yours. Listen to him.
4.) Try to figure out a solution from here on in for fights.
One possible solution is something my roommate does with his girlfriend. Every Tuesday night at some designated time, they have a long emotional heart-to-heart conversation to hash out any problems over the week or whatever. Note that they are not yelling, they are speaking to each other. This helps them out so they aren't fighting throughout the week. They are still going strong too and going to be married in the coming year.
Something like this involves taking responsibility of your own emotions though. What this means is stating a problem if you have a problem and not letting it fester or whatnot. In a heart to heart conversation, you need to state your feelings and issues in the realest ways possible. (Realest does not equal meanest, nor does it mean watered down. It means the most honest.)
Another important point is that things in this heart to heart are hashed out until they are done. Note there is a designated start time (so you two actually do it) but there is no end time. That's because if there is a big problem, it needs to be sorted out, not left simmering until it boils over.0