Fed Up - How The Heck Do Men Lose Interest So quickly?

I met this guy almost two months ago. We live about two hours away from each other but have managed to see each other almost every weekend.3 weeks ago he told me that he liked me a lot and this doesn't usually happen to him. 2 weeks ago he mentioned he spilled his feelings again. Now, last weekend I he said he wanted to spend the 4th with me, so he did. He got drunk and asked if I was seeing someone else because he's not and doesn't want to. Also, said he doesn't want me to see anyone else either because he just wants us to see each other. Any who, sober he asked me to spend 5 days with him at his beach house for the 20th.

He isn't the best at communicating. Last week we started talking about past relationships and how his previous girlfriends/women he casually dated would have an issue with how detached he could get. How he would go days without saying something but he said it's not that I wasn't interested in them he's just isn't good with communicating.
So this is where I'm at now. I got home last Tuesday and he reached out Wednesday. We exchanged 2 or 3 texts and the no response. He reached out on Thursday and exchanged 2 or 3 texts and no response. I haven't heard from him since then and we're supposed to be leaving for our trip on Sunday.

I reached out said I was unsure about the weekend, in a joking way said how he is bad at communicating and that I didn't like it. He then says he doesn't think the trip is a good idea.

How tf do you all lose interest in only a week's time? When HE was the one saying all this stuff about not want to date other people and how he's not seeing anyone else. Granted he was drunk when he said this, but, HE was asking me where he stood with me because he doesn't want to play games because it would 'hurt his feelings' if I dated other people. HE said he wanted to do something for my birthday in a few weeks. HE asked to spend the 4th together. HE asked me to go on this trip. HE was the one trying to get all chummy with my friends.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like HE did all of that and didn't get much back? He didn't lose interest over a week he lost interest over 2 months.

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    • Also he sounds like a casual dater first before deciding on a relationship. He basically declared for you when he said he wants you to be exclusive, what was your response? If you were flakey at that point my interest would plummet too.

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    • You may be right. I didn't mean it as unsure about me wanting to go, but unsure of what was going on. This was all via text (horrible idea in retrospect) so I can see how he misinterpreted. May be I should let the dust settle and then *call* to clear the air? Not really sure this is salvageable though...

    • I wouldn't wait tbh, you have one shot to save this and it needs to be done ASAP. An actual call and lay all your cards on the table. That you actually want to be with him, that you both ended up dancing around each other instead of going for it, yada yada.

      Now it might not work, or it might work - either way you'll know exactly where you stand. I will add a caveat though, he 'might' genuinely be a flake, as in this is something he does when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately without giving it a real go you'll never know, so i say proceed but with caution. Think of it like, he has given you $100, you need to give him back $100 but not to go ahead and give him $200 right away - if that makes sense.

Most Helpful Girl

  • "I got home last Tuesday and he reached out Wednesday. We exchanged 2 or 3 texts and the no response. He reached out on Thursday and exchanged 2 or 3 texts and no response. I haven't heard from him since then and we're supposed to be leaving for our trip on Sunday."

    Here's a magical idea... why don't YOU text HIM sometimes? Huh? Why does he have to be the one reaching out to you all the time? How do you think he feels when he's the one reaching out to you every other day and you don't do a single thing to keep the conversation going or initiate one on your own by texting him first?

    "I reached out said I was unsure about the weekend, in a joking way said how he is bad at communicating and that I didn't like it. He then says he doesn't think the trip is a good idea."

    That just sounds insanely passive aggressive and not at all like a "joke", he probably took it seriously and what with you not putting any effort into reaching out to him, he probably figured that YOU had lost all interest and you're now saying that you don't want to go on the trip.
    You point a lot of fingers on this guy yet you didn't stop to think how HE interpreted YOUR detached and self-entitled behavior.

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    • I never said I didn't want to go. I said was unsure, meaning since I hadn't heard from him I was unsure about what was going on. I ended it with so let me know about this weekend. So I really did come off as detached as well?

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    • Based on how I interpreted it, yes, you did seem very detached. You didn't initiate conversations with him and then said you were unsure. This comes off as you not really feeling it anymore. You also said you exchanged 2-3 texts and then no response, did you message him something that he could have actually responded to? Like a question or some kind of new conversation starter? Because if you, for instance, just respond to a text with "lol yeah" then it's not very easy to respond back to that. So you have to think about what *you've* done to keep the conversations going and if you've sent him engaging messages.
      It's possible that he hasn't completely written you off. You just need to confess that maybe you overreacted a bit and misinterpreted him, have a discussion with him about where the both of you stand right now. Also say that you'd be happy to go on that trip with him if he wants to.

    • This advice is spot on. Now I don't have to respond and say the same thing to you OP.

What Guys Said 9

  • for me the answer is i find out who you are. a pretty face only goes so far. many women i despise and would rather just never see again. modern women are extremely slutty and selfish. nothing i really need in my life.

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  • 1. You said or did something he really didn't like.
    2. Maybe he's busy with work or planning your trip together?

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  • You should probably just come to the understanding that it isn't the interest that is lost but that is never there.

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  • You probably did something to change his mind.

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  • haha the same here! I lost interest in my currect girlfriend, I will probably dumb her soon.
    I dont know its just what we are. We need more girls.

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  • He took your 'not liking his bad communication' joke as a huge red flag.

    Basically he doesn't anticipate ever changing, and if it's a problem, he'd rather move on and find someone it's not a problem with.

    That's my guess.

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  • How many red flags do you need to tell you he is not stable and would not make a good partner?

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  • Maybe because you wouldn't spend the week at his beach house after he declared that he only wanted to be with you and he's already two month in with you.

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  • Biology.

    Women loose interest just as quickly but for different reasons.
    Women will insta flake the second the male loses his ability to provide, or show her constant attention.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Girl, if you find the answer to that let me know. I still don't understand it.

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  • That's a tough one. At least he told you that he had communication trouble, that was a start. You should take a step back. Figure out if this guy is worth the time your going to need to invest in. He sounds insecure and unsure about himself. I doubt it has anything to do with you personally.

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  • Same thing happened to me!! the only thing was. he had lost a while interest and didn't want to "hurt" me. it turned out its just how he was (not all men are like that, if I can add) he just was the type that liked the thrill and as soon as he got what he wanted, he started looking else where.
    It's not your fault! You deserve better! Sorry this happened.

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