13 year old friend is already in a relationship, but she's crushing on a 17 year old boy. Is this normal? What should she do?

Okay boys, listen up. I have a friend who is 13 years old. She is crushing on a boy who is 17 years old. But.. She's already in a relationship. WHAT SHOULD SHE DO? I don't know how to help her. First off, she's already in a relationship and secondly, SHE'S CRUSHING ON A 17 YEAR OLD BOY! Is that normal? I'm just so stressed out for her ): 13 and 17, that's like a 4 year age gap. She's dated a 15 year old boy when she was 12. Can you please help her out. What should she do...


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's okay to "crush" like that. Most 12 year old girls crush on celebrities in their 20's. But simple crushing is different from actually pursuing a relationship.
    She should NOT pursue a relationship with the 17 year old, for a few reasons:
    1. In most places it's illegal. Age of consent is 16 (usually, check the laws for your location) and so even sexual contact between a 14 and 16 year old is technically illegal, even though that's just 2 years. Age of consent aside, in a year he will be 18 and she will still be a minor, so it would still be illegal. If her parents found out, that guy could go to jail.
    2. These laws exist for a reason. Your brain is still developing in your teens, and so these laws are there to protect you against bad choices. Underage girls can be manipulated by older guys, and while the girls THINK they are consenting, it's really not a safe situation. So that's why even if she seems willing, the law says she's too young to consent. It's to protect her.
    3. Why would a 17 year old want to be with a 13 year old? Why wouldn't he be with girls his own age? That says a lot about him, if he wanted to be with her... Again, that's why the laws are in place. To protect kids from creeps.
    4. Even if he's not a creep, they are in completely different stages of life. He'll be going to college and she will be starting high school. They have totally different concerns in life. Last year when I was 22 I dated a guy who was 28. Totally legal. And I'm a mature person, so he said he felt like he was dating someone his own age. Except, I was still in college, and living a college life, meanwhile he was established in his career and looking to settle down. The relationship didn't work simply because we were in different stages of life. Next year when this guy's in college, he's not going to want to date a freshman in high school. A relationship between them won't work.

    In short, crushing on older guys is normal, but this is NOT something she should pursue.

    ... But she needs to think about her current relationship. If she is crushing on other guys, why is she still dating her boyfriend? if she doesn't like him, she should break up with him.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes is normal for a 13-year-old to have a crush on 17-year-old is illegal for them to go out she should just have to crush on the guy and not pursue any because she truly likes them she want to want him arrested

  • She likes what she likes. Can't be helped


What Girls Said 1

  • As long as she doesn't get into a relationship with the guy, I think a crush is fine. She shouldn't have been with a 15-year-old when she was 12. There is a big difference between 12 and 15. I don't see the harm in a crush though. When I was 13 I had a crush on my friends 16-year-old brother. Nothing ever came from it and no one even knew about it.