I jumped into the dating pool headfirst and I keep messing with the wrong guys. Most of the men I've talked to have turned out to only want sex. I immediately cut them off. The last two guys I actually dated for a little bit tricked the shit out of me. They were nice, made time for me, listened to me, were interested in my life, all that stuff, but they both turned out to be lying pieces of shit. The first told me he felt obligated to be with me and then I found out he had another girl he'd been with for two years. The second had multiple chicks and played the game well, telling them the same things he told me. Even showed up to my house one day with a cold sore on his lip and had the nerve to blame me! That's how I found out about the other girls. Thank God I didn't contract that shit.
Now I've completely removed myself from dating and don't talk to anyone. I reject everyone. Someone told me I was going to pass a good one up. Well how can I tell if someone is genuinely interested if people can change who they are and how they act?
This is anon because I'm embarrassed.
Most Helpful Guy
Your Question: " How can I tell if a man is genuine if I don't know what to look for?"
Response: Know yourself and what your boundaries are and improve yourself as water seeks it's own level, always! So if you're desperate (you said you jumped into the dating pool) then you will attract desperate men as we are essentially animals. They will use you for your reproductive utility as it's their (as it is my) gender programming instinctually to mate.
Now to a less Wiki based response. You can tell if he's genuine if he is genuine. But the caveat is you must be genuine. Most men myself included have been burned by that one or more woman who's used us for our utility (money, status, sex, etc.) and dropped us for another guy without notice or legitimate reasons except they simply wanted to. So many guys out there are going to get in and get out, unless they think you're a keeper, which many men myself included are done believing in that (love) as feminism has created a majority of woman who are scandalous. Not to say you (and a very small percentage of women) are not genuinely seeking something genuine, but the odds of your type and a genuine guy (me) are rare. And most guys like me who were burned as we gave every woman a chance will not bother, like I said hit it and quit it (although I don't even bother hitting it even when it's handed to me on a silver platter no matter how hot she is - I have more important things in life to focus on).
So if you want a genuine guy, don't sleep with him right away, build a mutual relationship, know he cares about you and genuinely care about him. Find out his history (relationships etc.) and you said the last two guys tricked you "lying pieces of shit" as you said. Hmmm, that may be true, or maybe not, perhaps you were not representing yourself honestly and they wanted to move on. I mean you took part in the sex and enjoyed it or else you wouldn't have partaked in it. Please don't paint yourself the victim. You had, and have agency on who you slept/sleep with as you're an adult. They were fulfilling a sexual desire as you were, but you wanted more, you were into them, but perhaps as they got to know you more they weren't into you. So they saved you from having to find out years down the road you both weren't compatible.
Case and point, get to know them over time. Let them know under no uncertain terms no sex until you both get to know each other, as you're seeking something substantial. Either they will run or not.2
Most Helpful Girl
First, don't be the first to always jump in because that's just a whole mixture of confusion right there. Short maybe long story for you as what i experienced with guys around me. Making the first intentions cause crazy confusion and anxiety and here's why. I fancied this "boy" who was much older than me and i spotted him first so i assumed because i seen him as attractive ill take the first shot. So i did, not knowing that it was going to pull me in a lot of trouble later on. I spoke to him first and he told me to "put my number in his phone" *RED FLAG* and i proceeded because the only thing i was concentrating on is that i wanted him.
We talked and all that nonsense but i felt like things weren't right but i ignored it because i felt like i was over thinking. News came up that he's kissing on other girls. That moment we were supposedly in the process of "being in a relationship". I cursed him out of course and put him out so now obviously he was "unwanted" and couldn't be trusted by any girl. The dummies of course went with him and thought they were going to be treated differently but i changed my attitude but also my moves. I was tired of the same cycle and it took fall after fall for me to actually fall hard and to notice that i need to WAKE UP and stop approaching these boys.
Stop approaching them because i drew my perspective of what i wanted to be so i began to live with that whenever i dealt with someone. Instead of me focusing on who they really are i was looking past the wrongs. I learned very well and it made me the wise women that i am today.
"dating pool headfirst" is dangerous.. girl let me tell you it is dangerous. You are setting yourself up for the do or die deal with jumping headfirst. I like that term because it's like an actual swimming pool and you dive in headfirst not knowing if you're going to bang your head at the bottom or eventually swim low and come back up to the surface.
Allowing the guy to approach you is a positive but that doesn't mean he's not going to come to the table with the wrong intentions. Though not every first guy that comes to you with a suit and tie that you should automatically settle for. Leave your options open and observe the people who confront you and see what they have to offer? "Do they meet my standards on how a man is supposed to treat me?" " Is he meeting my expectations?"
When he approaches you that becomes your time to interview him.. you're on your break time from relationships so it1