Should I take it to heart that my boyfriend's father said no for me to sleepover?

My boyfriend is 22 answer I'm 21. We have been dating a little over with years now.

I have slept over before, but some of those times were that my boyfriend never asked for permission because he knew the answer would be no. I have gone out on his family outings to places, but I had to sleep in one room with the females and the males slept in the other. And one time, surprisingly, me and him were able to share a bed at his grandmother's house due to the room arrangement problems.

And so me and my boyfriend had planned this idea of me staying over for the night at his house since us two were hanging out with friends. It would of been convenient. I asked him to please ask his father for permission in text and his dad pretty much said no. Now, I feel a little weird because I don't want his dad to think of me in a different light or be upset that my boyfriend asked or that there's some sort of problem. I don't know, am I overthinking it? I've always tried to get close to the family, and it feels like I'm not accepted yet.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah. I guess he just doesn't want to have the awkwardness of knowing your having sex in the other room. Or maybe even hearing it! lol!

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    • Lol I would understand.

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    • Hahahaha! So now you have to wait?

    • 3mo

      Hey! Thanks for most helpful! How are things going with the guy? :D

Most Helpful Girl

  • I find that he doesn't bother to ask his father for permission very wrong. He is in his father's house. It's not that your not accepted, its the fact that it's his father's HOUSE, not his, and he's being very disrespectful. It's very obvious as to why his dad says no. Because you two are bound to or going to have sex, and he doesn't want it in his home. Your boyfriend is making you look very bad and his father has the right to scream about it. And no, your age has nothing to do with it either. Your age doesn't make you an adult. It's the fact that he lack respect for his father. So anything that his dad is upset about, blame on your boyfriend. I would not tolerate that in my house either.

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    • But even when we are at his house to hangout, we do have sex. My boyfriend doesn't ask, because he know his dad would say no. However, there have been times when his aunt and family members would say it's okay to sleepover.
      And don't get me wrong, I have gotten mad a lot over him not asking when I'm already at his house in my pajamas.

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    • And also if I may add, I am only concerned because my boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, so I basing that on the idea that there shouldn't be a problem with me sleeping over due to the length of our relationship. However, me not being able to sleepover does not make or break my relationship.

    • Like I have said before entirely up to you or what you chose to do is not my business. I don't believe your paranoid. But it's however way you want it. I can't force you to do anything or see anything you don't want to see now. And like I said his other family members other then his father is not what I'm talking about. I'm more concern about what his dad has to say. Not them. You basically just answered my question/questions. His dad overall said 'no' overall basically every single time. Your not comfortable with it. So you feel safer with his other family members because they permit it. That's why you bring them up. So if your 100% sure there is no problem, then all I can say stop worrying then. I'm not the one making out like it is, that was you. I am not assuming. I know how to read strangers and look for unsaid cues by what you allow yourself to provide descriptively. I already knew what it was from the beginning. I didn't say because I wanted to hear it from you. Best Regards.

What Guys Said 11

  • His house, his rules. It is sorta lame, not like you are 16. It is what it is, you have to respect it for now.

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    • Yeah, I understand the rules and I don't mind and i will respect it.

  • Yes your over thinking it. Just respect his dads wishes. His dad won't change his mind about you over that.

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    • Thank you. :)

    • Your welcome. If you want to get on his dad's good side. Be over at his house just hanging out when his dad gets home say hi and leave at a reasonable hour. Be friendly with his dad.

    • Thank you for the advice :)

  • Remember hos house his rules. Sounds like the family is traditional and you must respect their morality. As you are both adults perhaps it's time to look for your own place.

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    • I want my own place for us both, but he doesn't.

  • I think this is just a way for his parents to get him to move to his own place so they don't lay out silly arbitrary rules

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    • Nah, I don't think it's anything like that. But I do find the answer to be a little silly.

  • It's narrow minded: you're adult.

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  • Males slept in the other lol.. Are they super religious or some shit? That's really weird, when I was 16 I could have brought whatever girl over.

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    • I don't think they are super religious. LIke, his grandmother is pretty religious and we got to share a bed together one night before after she gave it some thought.

  • It has nothing to do with not liking you. It has to do with their values about sex. My family would never let a girl sleep in my room, unless maybe there were separate mattresses and the door was open.

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    • Ah, I would understand.

  • Well obviously you're both of age... You seem to be in good perspective in front of his family... I think the first thing to do would be to ask why he said no... Plus considering you're 21 and 22 I don't see why there is any permission to be had...

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    • I feel that putting myself in a position to ask why I can't sleep over would be a bad idea. It would only make this awkward atmosphere.

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    • So then I can't help you as to why... I'd just say ask, coz maybe there's a more logic /innocent reason... Maybe he just doesn't get his son isn't 15 but 22 LOL... His son should tell him... I still live with my parents and it would never come in their head to tell me no for a sleepover...

    • Lol it is what it is.

  • His house his rules, nothing you can do.

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    • Yeah, I pretty much figured

  • He doesn't want y'all to fuck in his house which is understandable

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    • I get that, but either way we still do when I go over or if he comes over.

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    • @ikissedtheskyonce Oh, well I have a hard time detecting sarcasm. Next time, say it like it is if you have something to say, please. I don't have time to non-sense.

    • Ummm... I are confused. (not sarcasm)

      RESPECcCCcCCCccc! (sarcasm)

  • His dad's a fucking prick. It's only because he doesn't want you to have sex by the sounds of it.

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What Girls Said 10

  • They could just ultimately have some sort of moral rules its their house which means their rules, after all your boyfriend still lives with them. perhaps like most parents his father said no just because he's scared of you guys interpretng as if you can do it all the time or feel free to have sex al the time there which I know isn't the case but his parents don't know this.

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    • Yeah, I guess so. I can understand that.

  • My mom loves my boyfriend but initially she was hesitant about us sleeping together in a room. Only much later did she come around. I doubt it's because he doesn't like you. He might just feel weird about knowing you two could be having sex under his roof.

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    • Yeah I understand that

  • Well it's their house and it's all about respecting their house. If you've slept over in the past without any permission that's disrespectful as hell. Either the two of you move out and live together, or you just deal with them not wanting you to sleep over.

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    • They just never said anything to me, I guess. I don't know. I don't think they even knew I was over.

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    • I understand what you mean. Thank you

    • No problem, good luck with everything <3

  • Your over thinking it. He'D be better for you guys asking but you said yourself you guys didn't before as you knew the answer so it shouldn't be a surprise

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    • Does it mean that I'm not part of the family yet or the idea of the girlfriend staying over makes it unsettling for people? I would hate to be the one making people uncomfortable.

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    • Ah, okay. Thank you for providing your response.

    • :) your welcome hun. Hope you feel better

  • He knows you're having sex in his house and he's not happy about it. Unfortunately that's his house so you'll have to stick to the rules. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. My parents never cared so I could always bring whoever I wanted home tbh.

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    • Ah, lucky. So I'm overthinking here?

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    • I wouldn't know the signs of dislike. He talks to me, and he asks how I'm doing when I'm over. When I was graduating, he made sure my boyfriend got me flowers. So I'm not sure.

    • Ah he likes you then. If he didn't he wouldn't even bother speaking to you.

  • I don't think it has anything to do with being accepted I just think that they don't condone the sleeping arrangements...

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    • Ah, okay. I would understand.

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    • Lol thank you, sweetie.

    • Your welcome anytime

  • I think it all boils down to them not wanting you two to have sex in their house, which is understandable.

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    • Yeah, I can understand.

  • His house, his rules. You need to respect that.

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    • Yeah, I can. It's no problem. I just don't want it to be some sort of hint that I am not accepted into the family.

    • I'm sure you're welcome in the family. He's probably just conservative that way.

    • Thank you :)

  • He just doesn't feel comfortable with it. Doubt it's that he hates you. Your boyfriend is making things worse by having you stay, not asking, and not telling you he hasn't asked though. I've been in that position a few times with friends and felt so self conscious because I knew they might be thinking a little bit badly of me, so I just made efforts to be super polite and bring little things round when I visit the next time, like drinks or snacks or something. Your boyfriend was disrespecting his parents home, but you're not to blame, and he knows his son well so he will probably know that it wasn't you.

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    • Thank you, and yes it makes me super self conscious.

  • Get your own space it's not rocket science
    Either deal with it or go somewhere else, it's not your house

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