Guy and I had intense and noticeable chemistry, I liked him, became flirty friends acted differently with each other than others/he was overly sensitive to how I acted with him. About a 1 1/2 month into our friendship he said he and his "friend" broke up which was shady to me as he never talked about a girlfriend. A wk later his attention on me hit 100 & he pursued more-for the next 3/4 wks we texted everyday for hrs, he said he liked me, he kissed me, told me to give him positive encouragement not mixed signals, etc. 2 wks after kiss he texts me saying he was a mess from his breakup&wasn't ready to be anything to anyone/we were friends and he didn't want to be misleading, etc. We had a long convo over text, me saying I felt like a rebound/he had been shady about the girlfriend who he called his friend/why he said he liked me if he didn't. He kept apologizing and i said i needed space to get over my feelings then we could see about friendship---- That was 7 wks ago & we've briefly talked once which was last week, I snapped him 1st as I was with a girl who knew him from HS (also a little drunk), and figured that'd be a good way to diffuse some of the awkwardness before I have to see him in 2 days to do this project (only 5 of us) for multiple hours at a time once a week for the next 3 weeks. (Plus when school starts back we have a class everyday and we are in the same 4 person friend group)
Anyways, I thought i was ready to see him but I am freaking out. I have no idea how to act. He always sees right through whatever front I put up. He's always super awkward when I am upset with him but i want to feel in control. Those few months were intense and I had no idea what was going on, only to be rejected so I kinda feel played. I also feel a little dumb because we never even dated and I still got hurt when Im sure he's fine.
Does anyone have any insight into this whole situation or advice for seeing him again? Sorry this is so whiny but seriously any advice is appreciated!!
so the relationship is awkard because you both were attracted, but he is still emotionally and possibly relationally connected to his old girlfriend. you got upset (snapped) because you were a rebound girl/bridge girl (between prior girl and next) and you felt deceived as he didn't completely end the prior relationship before talking with you and it took several weeks for him to be honest about where he was at. reality is, he was in trouble in prior relationship and you were a positive, at the time, that made him feel good... but then he fessed up and backed off.
there has been nothing beyond a kiss right... then I'd say this is ok. if it went farther than that, then you made a bigger mess. Do I have the scenario right?
Bottom line, he is immature and still wounded or connected to the prior girl. he isn't available. you made him feel good and he basically used you. you allowed yourself to be used.
So, if you are angry, then go to counseling to sort out your feelings and learn to develop better boundaries with guys. look at him differently, not as an attractive guy, but as a wounded boy. it is hard when there are feelings intermixed... the more intimate you got, the worse this is. if you got very intimate, you may not be able to be on the same team/class as him without talking this out... possibly with a counselor or together.
You should treat all people the same unless you're in an exclusive relationship.
By that I mean that even if you have a crush, or a history, or you hate his guts, doesn't matter. Just treat him the same as anyone else. You're in a class, so treat him the same as any other classmate. If either of you want to interact as more than classmates then go on a date, if you're not on a date then all you are is classmates.
I know it's easier said than done, but try to imagine him as just another classmate or maybe as a platonic friend. Just be fun and learn, however you normally behave in class.
He wanted you, felt rejected or played because he got mixed signals. Not sure if the friend he broke up was real or not perhaps it was a ploy to get you to show some or any interest. You were playing it slow or enjoy the attention, he's tired of it and the games so is saying 'f*ck it and this' I think and walking away from the table. he's probably exhausted emotionally not knowing where it is all going. I've been there, feel connected and used, then friendzoned but she said I want us but we need to wait a bit as things will change (we work together and it's a dangerous situation), so for now she is observing. Yet, she plays flirting games and connects to me, deep connection however it's me listening to her and she feels connected, I don't as she doesn't care to put effort in to reciprocate physical or emotional affection, and only wants to have me know her, she doesn't care to get to know me. I'm not her emotional tampon or utility. So I walked away and now she's pissed off and freaking out... I'm indifferent. She must feel rejected, played and dumb even though we didn't date as you do. She played a game and I walked away because she didn't commit to wanting it so what's the point? by the way she had male orbiters as she needed the attention and that turned me off, so go have your harem of guys, but if she wanted me it's too late, don't want her anymore. Maybe he feels that way about you now?
My advice. Fully accept what happened and how you feel about it. Don't put on a front and pretend to be ok. To things to make yourself feel better and make the best of the circumstances. Things tend to go better when you work with your emotions, rather than constantly fighting them back.
If you can manage it, try to view what happened in a way you can appreciate and laugh about it. Make light of it in a way. Even tho it didn't end how you wanted, at the time it was something that made you smile. Don't regret that.
To be honest, just go up to him and tell him that the romance isn't working out on your part. If you're interested in only pursuing a friendship, tell him; otherwise... well, you can hopefully figure that part out when you get there.
arghh.. I'm going through something similar if not worse.
Just found out a girl I liked and I though she liked me is now dating a friend in social group I know. She told me she didn't date guys from our gym. But now she's with a guy from our gym group. It's tough because now if the group asks me to hang out... and if she's there. I mean I don't know if we would interact or if things would be awkward.
All I know is at worst all I'd have to say is Hi and not like or dislike her. I can be indifferent about it as if she is any ordinary person I say Hi to.
You might have to do the same. Just say Hi and then do your own thing.
I wouldn't say he played you, he probably was just confused about his feelings after the break up. Now I'm sure part of the signals he was giving you were somewhat genuine because you don't just connect with anyone random just because you break up with someone. He probably just needed some time to get over the other girl. And don't be nervous about seeing him again, clearly you're gonna be seeing each other a lot with school so just keep it casual. You'll be able to tell what he's thinking based on how he's acting and remember, you're there for the project first, and if he moves things further then you can go with it.
The first time will suck. After that, the interaction will just write itself. I'd spend the time now coming to terms with the fact that it won't go anywhere, maybe even getting a touch angry for him putting you in this situation. Anger makes it easier. Also remember being friendly doesn't have to mean being friends. Be friendly enough to complete the work, but each day just walk away. It will get easier, I promise.
Are some of these people retarded or do they simply not know how to read? My goodness some of these people on gag have such a huge victim complex that they're taking they're own personal rejection stories and attributing them to you. What a bunch of morons.
He treated you poorly. Wether intentional or not he didn't have your best interests at heart. Move on.
Just act natural. Don't pay him too much attention. Let him come to you since he was the first one to walk away from this "fling". Don't get too excited or obsessive over him when you see him, it'll make it seem so much more awkward. If you have to see each other for a few weeks just be nice and be as focused as you can on this project. He'll see that you're much more approachable if you let the past go-or at least look that way.
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