Am I delusional? Are my family & friends right? Am I lowering my standards for men or do I just view love differently?

I've always been a genuine good person. My kindness and strong intuition and belief of good in people have always been aspects of myself I'm grateful for. That said, when it comes to dating and men.. I've always gone after men who may not be financially stable or "clean cut" but have genuine souls or I see something in them that I guess others don't? My family and friends think I lower my standards. My cousin told me because I'm gorgeous & classy, and well-educated, and he thinks I should have men begging to be with me.. Which I mean, I do get guys after me often... But they aren't what I'm looking for because many of them are either players or don't view life as I view life. I have a very artistic vision to life. I'm currently interested in a man who is a musician and lives on the road... He has a very punk/hippy, unclean maybe disheveled look to him overall, and maybe he's average looking.. Small framed and scraggly beard and hair... He doesn't have a job otherwise, or a car, and he's 26. But I honestly don't see him as my friends and cousin see him? They were in shock I wanted to be with him bc they think I'm "out of his league" but I don't believe in "leagues" at all. I think a person is a person and I'm after the heart and what's inside.. And I just really think this guy is a good guy, and he's into making music.. And I think he THINKS about life as I do. My cousin told me I must be desperate if I'm after him, and that i need to get more confidence in myself and find men who are "clean cut" and shop at fancy stores and have an actual job and education. Am I being delusional because I'm looking past that?

  • Yes, you should rethink your game
    25% (1)25% (1)25% (2)Vote
  • No, you're fine
    75% (3)75% (3)75% (6)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think so, if you like them for who they are and for their heart, then nothings wrong with you it's your friends and cousin.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can seem to relate to a point here. Who wants to be with a player? Even if he's good looking, if he is a jerk then it's only going to upset you and put you through tons of emotional pain. If this guy you like treats you well and you find him both physically and mentally attractive, then who cares?

    You may want to encourage him to get a job and perhaps do the same yourself if you haven't already, just so you can take care of yourself/yourselves in future though.

    My Dad used to think I put more of the effort in my relationship (which was true to a point although some changes have been made now), seemed doubtful of my boyfriend and say it was like a diamond begging a piece of dirt to go out with it (me being the diamond).

    He told me he wasn't saying my boyfriend is ugly because he's not, but that I was clearly better looking. He told me I was better than my boyfriend because I was better looking, funnier, and smarter.

    I always stood up for my boyfriend because he has confidence issues which meant he was shy of coming round my house for months and for a while I had to be the one to initiate plans, he has some learning disabilities and is dyslexic, not "dumb" and he's a sweet guy, why does it matter if he has those problems?

    He's caring, worries about me, tries to make me laugh when I'm down, finds me funny, is fairly honest and loyal from what I can tell, and almost always regrets it, apologizes and/or tries to fix it when he does something that upsets me. He also keeps going on about wanting to marry me in future.

    Yet all I'm hearing from my family are unsupportive comments like "Has he ever even bought you a gift or anything?" (meaning the "just because" sort of ones), my Mum saying stuff like "Maybe he's more like a friend" and my brother saying "I'm no marriage counsellor, but I think some problems are beginning to show themselves in your relationship" (which he only said because I mentioned I was getting bored of doing the same thing together all the time and would like to get out with him more - which can be fixable anyway).

    There are other things too and it's like it's their goal to give me doubts about my relationships over little things and don't listen to the reasons.

    I find it very upsetting and frustrating the way they think they know everything about my relationship and say those kinds of harmful comments.

    Luckily, my friends know more and are more supportive.

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    • Wow, that is unfortunate they are that unsupportive ! I'm sorry :/ you'd think if they just saw how happy you were with him that's be enough for them to appreciate him.

    • Exactly!

      Luckily my uncles a bit better with it but damn, my parents sometimes, and my brother - So unsupportive.

      What got me was the comments my Mum used to make so then I'd tell her all about how good my boyfriend can be and that he keeps going on about wanting to get married and yet she still sometimes goes

      "Maybe he's better to have as a friend"

      They think he's stupid so my uncle or dad once jokingly asked me if he ate crayons and said he was window-licker - To translate: They were basically calling him a retard.

      I know they don't really think that, and I know they're only joking but when I hear it ALL THE TIME, it gets very annoying.

      My own Mum even calls him "Crayons" behind his back as a joke, rather than using his actual name so I always get asked "When's Crayons coming round?"

      What annoys me more is that my brother thinks it's funny to call him "The Arsling" because he heard it from a programme or something. I hate when he calls him that but he never listens.

      Its frustrating

What Guys Said 2

  • Fifteen years from now you will have three children and a husband who stays at home, doesn't contribute financially, and you will be stressed to the max. You can find a guy who has a solid heart of gold AND is self-sufficient and responsible.

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  • tbh I'm more interested in the part where you said why you reject most of the guys. I'd like to know what makes a woman reject certain men.

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    • I reject men who I don't vibe well with. It's as easy as that for me. I believe in that click. Plus, the overall look to a man is what initially attracts me. Don't mistake this for classic "good looks;" I'm talking.. If he has a look that looks intriguing.

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    • Hmm that's strange? Maybe she changed her mind. I do that with guys A LOT. I'll be interested but then for some reason unbeknownst to me, I'll lose interest

    • Sorry, but I call that player-like

What Girls Said 0

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