Is it better to just live life or actively search for someone?

When I was 17; I had a bit of a desperate phase. I wanted a girlfriend, badly. With time, I calmed down a whole lot and am now fine with being single. At the same time, I would like to find someone to special, so to speak.

I have dated a few girls through the years, but it never really went anywhere. Now, I am wondering whether it is 'better' to just ignore it and live life, or to actively search someone (be it on a dating site or something like that). What do you think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i think a mix of both. do you, have fun, life live, but also open yourself up to potential opportunities and take them in your stride. if they work, awesome, if not, no worries, keep living.

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What Girls Said 32

  • i had the same "desperate" stage when i was 17-18. like, i was okay with being single because i put my schoolwork first, but i still wanted a boyfriend (likely because my sister got all the attention and was constantly rubbing her relationships in my face. but i digress).

    don't get me wrong~ i had 2 relationships in high school, but they were short-lived. through my teens and early 20s, i only fell in love once~ yes, i dated after it ended, but they weren't serious and i wasn't in love with them.

    in fact, i was 27 when i finally fell in love again. i met him online, but i wasn't actively seeking a relationship~ i had ended my last romantic failure and so was looking to keep my options open. so much for that lol.

    if you want to be with someone, there's no shame in that. but i still say it's best to ignore it~ do what makes you happy, and the rest will follow.

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    • Thank you for sharing your story! For the past few months I have enjoyed doing my own thing. At the same time, I do want to be with something and am open to a relationship because of that. I have this group vacation planned (with people I do not yet know), perhaps I will run into someone there, who knows!

    • good to hear, and it's entirely possible that you will cross paths with someone while you're on holiday. have a great trip, and best of luck :)

    • Thank you! :)

  • In my opinion and personal experience, I usually am not actively looking for someone. However, I have also been single for quite some time, but I have tried dating sites and I am over them. It all goes the same way over and over and all of the profiles say the same things and it rarely leads to an actual date so I am so over that. Otherwise I usually go out with friends to bars and do not want to meet anyone there. So, I have taken the live life and see what happens, but I am usually not even looking when I am out. I am very inactive in this regard I suppose. But, everyone is different, some people are motivated enough to go out looking for it and it does work for them and for others it just happens. Neither is right or wrong, just do what you feel like doing.

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    • Do you feel like you want a relationship, or is it that you don't much care about being single?

      As is probably clear, I prefer to be in a relationship, but have decided to let it go for a bit.

  • I never had a boyfriend until I was 24. I highly recommend you do a list of your characteristics and the list of characteristics that you want to find in a mate. Then I recommend you learn to live by yourself and manage your own money for a year. Then I recommend you make friends with people who gives you a confidence booster. Then I highly recommend you just date anyone who shows interest just to get to know them and get more comfortable around the opposite sex. I also recommend online dating.

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  • I feel like you never find what you're looking for, when you're looking for it. But the moment you stop, it seems to appear out of nowhere. So I don't feel like we should spend our lives searching for anyone. And it's hard not to because there are times when the loneliness becomes almost unbearable. But you just have to push through.

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  • It's best to live life and be happy-a few blind dates here and there don't hurt, but I think actively looking is the easiest fall to 1) get disappointed and 2) waste your time

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  • I was pretty desperate for a partner and was getting depressed a out being single. I like to be in a relationship. I like feeling loved and giving love. But I got my head into gear and decided to concentrate on uni instead, and as soon as I'd come to peace with my being single, someone fell into my life and made me incredibly happy.
    So stick at it and just go about your life. Someone will come along when the time is right :) you can't force it.

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  • Better to just live life and not stress over having someone.
    Because life is not about having a gf/bf. I guess it's good to have someone with you /makes life a bit easier if you know hwo to work together but that's not the main purpose of life.

    If one focuses/puts all his energy on finding a girlfriend only, then he would be wasting his life away.

    When you focus on greater things, gain more knowledge, etc you will come across someone you can connect with. Or something like that.

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  • I think that's a question we'll never know the real answer to. But, if you want my opinion, it does feel nicer having someone in your life to care about and for them to care about you in return. So, I think you should actively go date a bunch of people (which is what I recently decided to do).

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    • How is that decision working for you, if I may ask?

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    • Sounds good to me, thanks for sharing!

    • No Problem :)

  • well , I think that we always need to feel loved and wanted , for me , I feel life is so much better with some one who truly loves you and cares about you.
    BUT whenever you search love , it runs away , so just leave it to days , so true and right love will come to you with no searching

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  • Just go out and live life, the right person will come along. When you are actively searching for someone it just doesn't look right. Go out and enjoy life, go to the movies, party, clubs, etc.

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  • Maybe take a break from searching. You do not want to exhaust yourself.

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    • That is essentially what I am doing now, and it is pretty nice. I have a tendency to get a bit too enthusiastic when I do meet a girl I really like, and some time to myself helps me to keep my cool.

      Then still, if I run into anyone interesting during this time, I will surely try to see where it goes

  • Live life and occasionally look on the side. I personally don't believe it's healthy for you mentally to make it your focal point because if things don't work out it's extremely devastating and you probably missed out on cues that the relationship was doomed from the beginning because you're so eager to be in one. Just my opinion.

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  • I tried just living life and then my first love happened. I think it might've been better to search for someone because chances are I would've ended up with someone I wasn't as crazy over and the heartbreak wouldn't have been as bad

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  • i think you should keep on searching for that one person...

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  • Living life, but be open to opportunities and getting to know new people, but not expect to find a soul mate every time you go out because you'll just get disappointed. Live life, hang out with friends, be open, friendly and you'll find someone when you stop looking. Don't rush it. You'll have PLENTY of time in your life to be in a relationship, in fact, you'll most certainly be in a relationship for the larger part of your life.

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  • Live a life.
    The best things in our life happens unexpectedly, just don't lose that person if she/he appears.

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  • I have had ONE S/O in my entire life which was also an open relationship.

    I personally have never really believed in monogamy or romantic love, so just live my life for me and date many interesting people.

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  • I always get told to just live life and that someone will come along and he'll be the one blah blah blah. I hate it when people say this because the people that tell me this are in relationships and I'm the only one that is single. When I actively look, I always attract loser fuckboys who always want me to take care of them or someone that wants to cheat with me and has a girlfriend. So I honestly don't know. I just give up and whatever happens, happens.

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  • It's better to search for someone cause we are naturally social

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  • Live life.

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  • Just live life

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  • just live life

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  • Just live. But this is coming from someone that is 24 and never had a relationship

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    • Is that because you don't feel the need to be in a relationship or was it begins things just didn't happen?

    • Haha, makes sense :D

      I do think most people can get something out of a relationship. At the very least it will be a new experience. In any case, just doing your own thing sounds pretty good. Who knows what will happen!

  • I think a mix of both, I used to REALLY want a boyfriend, and no guys ever noticed me. Now I'm just like whatever I'm just going to be me, and I still don't have a boyfriend... but I get more attention from guys.

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  • You never get anything if you don't go after it. Just saying

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    • True, though there is a difference between actively looking and pursuing someone after you ran into someone. I don't intent to just do nothing until I am in a relationship, but rather just live life until I find someone who I want to be with

  • I say live life, go out with your friends and stuff often, and eventually, you will meet someone. Good luck to you, I'm sure there's someone around the corner!😊😊

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  • Go with the flow. I've always been the one to initiate any and all serious relationships and they all end badly. Not good to try so hard because everyone finds someone eventually when the time is right.

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  • How long would you say those relationships lasted, if you don't mind me asking?

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    • The longest was 5 months. About When I asked her to be my girlfriend two months in, she froze. She couldn't give me an answer, even though she said she definitely liked me as more than a friend. I continued seeing her, but had to stop eventually because it was driving me insane.

      Other than that, I have been on a number of dates, sometimes 2 with the same girl. My first kiss was a girl I met at the bar I work sometimes. Even though the night was great (she stayed the night), she went silent for the next few days and then wanted to talk on university campus. She started with "you are a really nice guy... and I feel like a bitch without feelings". While she enjoyed the night (in which it did not went all the way), she didn't feel the same way.

      I don't regret stuff like that, but it would have been nice (obviously :D ) if it did turn into something more.

  • Live life. Tbh, I've been the most happiest and most free when I WASN'T in a relationship.

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    • I think a good relationship can be better than being single. If you fit well together and also can give eachother space if needed, you have the best of both worlds, to an extent.

      But I may just be very naive

  • I think you should wait. The right woman with come for you, and she will be beautiful.

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What Guys Said 26

  • I say ignore it but put yourself out there. Network, make friends, meet people, spruce up those social skills, find what people like about your character and cultivate it, and most of all, have a blast doing it. You're bound to run into a bunch of women on the way, and if you get in a conversation and have their undivided attention, invite them to spend more time elsewhere.

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  • Is it better to take charge of your life or to simply wait for things to happen to you? There are people who make things happen and there are people who complain about things that happen to them. I don't hesitate to say that it is better to make things happen.

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  • Shop for a partner while you are living your life. However, don't live to shop for a partner. It is strange how so many times we meet our SO when we least expect it.

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  • Live life, decide what you really want to do with your life and what will bring you fulfillment and sense of accomplishment or satisfaction. Relationships are never guaranteed to last forever anyway. You can not solely rely on someone else or depend on someone else for your own happiness and satisfaction. You have to decide what can and will make you happy and complete you. Just don't think or overthink to much about it. If it happens and you end with someone, then so be it. But if you don't or if you never, no need to sulk or mope about it either. There's more people that are single than ever now when compared to people that are in relationships or married.

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  • i think you can live your life and also seek out relationships. it simply means you don't spend your days chasing women but rather when an opportunity present itself or you find yourself being attracted to a girl you go for it

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  • I'm doing both. I'm living, but when I see someone interesting I see if I can go for it. Many times things happen when we least expect, we should live and be aware for the opportunities at the same time.

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  • You have to pursue it. But not be obsessed with it. You see, attraction is a skill, not who you are. If who you are attacted women, everyone would be happy and we wouldn't be having this convo. I highly recommend a pick up artist book, the timeless classic: David de angelo: double your dating. He even did a guest thing here on gag. Just get that one book and do what he says. You will learn attraction.

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  • Interesting. If you sit back and let it happen then you have to take what comes but if you actively seek something you will get the thing you want.

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  • You're now girls free
    Live your life
    She will come when her time will come...
    A year ago I also used to serch but suddenly I started getting annoyed with that and started living in my own way and it feels better (y)

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  • I say live life and have fun, and eventually the perfect girl will fall right in your lap, you just need to be patient.

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  • In my opinion, it's always better to just live your life.

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  • Well people who say live life are wrong this is the worst afvice I've been hearing for the past four years thats why im single and shut myself off from nice girls because of what they said i was just sitting waitung for people to come to me and allthe people who cam were shallow if they told me to search i mighy had ine already a nice girlfriend now literally im searching for a girlfriend u should choose the girlfriend and dont distnet choose ot for u or ahe choose u because chances are she is just a teat

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  • If you're a woman or a very handsome/rich/popular guy you can easily afford to "just live life" and then dole out useless advice to everyone else. If you do not belong to one of these groups you have to at least put some effort in actively searching, though I wouldn't recommend online dating (at least not until you're 35).

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  • Who says you can't do both?

    Personally, I would put fun first. If it's not fun, if it's too much of a hassle, then don't bother. Even then, you could still remain open to the possibility of a relationship - you don't have to actively turn girls away.

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  • Just live life and find as much enjoyment as you can. Life is a lot better when you don't have a woman in it.

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  • if you're not searching, you won't notice anyone that crosses your path.

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  • Both

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  • When did you get your first girlfriend?

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  • get shiny things and let them come to you

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  • live life.

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  • Life life definitely. Plus most women are not worth it anymore. We need them for sex and that is all they are useful for

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    • I definitely do not agree with your second point. Women are clearly worth my time, otherwise i would not be looking for one to spend the vast majority of my time with

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    • If I do manage to stay single for a year or 2, I will probably start searching regardless.

      Though it depends, perhaps I will be fine being single still. As long as I end up with someone I love, I'm all for it.

  • Do not use dating site... horrible...

    Live your life, but do it in a way that you are interacting with a lot of new people...

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  • Live, but don't live at home. Follow your interests, meet other people who share them and you're halfway to finding the ones you want.

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  • If you want something, be it a house, car, job, relationship, a pet, hook-up, microwave etc. it is always ALWAYS better to choose a proactive approach rather than a lazy one.

    Life isn't a game and you don't gets points for pretending not to care about the things you want, people who insist you adopt that laissez faire attitude only do so because they have failed and want to see others end up just like them, or they incorrectly believe they can protect themselves from disappointment simply by never trying anything; this is just plain wrong!

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    • It's also a very feminine approach to life, and sort of pathetic. You don't want to be like that do you?

  • Live life. Vagina is a dime a dozen.

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