So my ex boyfriend (lets call him Sam) were together for six months and then broke up, but are considering getting back together). He told me that he needs me to give up one of my guy friends (lets call him Mark) because Mark supposedly jeopardizes our relationship. Here's why: Mark and I cuddled once a couple months before I Sam and I became a thing. A week after the cuddling, when my friends and I were hanging out in a group (Sam is not part of my friend group), Mark tried pulling me into his lap quite a few times but I always got up and left because I didn't want to. He never tried anything again, so that was that. I know he considered asking me to prom, but I never thought much of that because he had three "options" - the other two, he'd had past romantic relations with.
Mark insisted that the cuddle meant nothing to him, and I partly believe it shouldn't be an issue because he cuddles with a lot of girls and claims that it "just happens." Sam says that Mark lied to me about it meaning nothing and that he definitely liked me at one point - and that because he lied about it, he may still want me now and that isn't okay with Sam. That's why he seems inappropriate. I feel like Sam is right about Mark, but I don't think that means I should have to give him up as a friend? Shouldn't there be enough trust in a relationship for Sam to know that he's the one who has my heart, regardless of whether Mark is around or not?
I don't fully understand why it's so wrong. Sam says I should stay away because it's healthy for us. But shouldn't there be point where Sam has to let go of this insecurity a little bit? I could understand if it were an ex I was trying to be friends with, but it's not. Sam told me that if I asked random people about Mark, they'd say he was right. So here I am. What do you guys think?
Thanks so much xo
3mo Thank you for your answers everyone, I appreciate it - a lot. Something I probably should have mentioned in the question - I don't have an issue distancing myself from Mark, but at the same time I don't think I should have to avoid him at all costs. Should I really have to miss out on hangouts with my friends if he's going to be there? I don't think that's fair to me, because I feel like Sam should trust me not to let anything happen - in a group setting at the very least.
1. Mark has the hots for you and is not honest about his intentions. Something like that does not "just happen." Sam has a good reason to not trust Mark.
2. Why shouldn't Sam be insecure. You dated before and broke up. Why shouldn't he be concerned about the possibility of that happening again?
3. You and Sam dated previously and it didn't work. When you get back together, you will rediscover all of the reasons that led you to break up the first time. And you will rediscover them much more quickly. Reunions are almost always a bad idea. If you think that you and Sam are different and you can make it work. . . that is what EVERYONE tells themselves before they make this mistake.
Mark lacks boundariesvwith you. U hold them well... but what happens when u and sam have difficulties that neef wirked through... gonna run to mark? U may be able to get away with himbeing a friend but realize he has the hots for u and is really not appropriare... he's not a friend at this stage.
Someone who gives me an ultimatum always loses. ALWAYS. If he can't trust you enough to say no to that guy, then he just can't trust you. Imagine how jealous that guy will be in your relationship. You are not even together and he is already trying to control who you hang with. Are you sure he is for you?
your friend mark is really inapropriate.. i feel bad for your boyfriend
I could see how sam wants this mark guy out of the picture. Cuddling doesn't just happen. Your probably just starting life as young adults and still in teenager mode where guys get away with a lot of inappropriate behavior (compared to adults).
That said, its up to you. Its messed up that he's kinda forcing this decision on you. But if i were in his shoes id just say "if your still friends with this guy, we can't be together "
If i don't like ketchup around me ill look for a girl that doesn't eat ketchup. But if there's a girl that wants to get with me and my only thing is that she give up ketchup. Then its up to her wether or not giving up ketchup is woth it. If not, move on until you find somone who doesn't mess with your priorities.