Are all bets off until you're exclusive?

Say you've fallen head over heels for someone, and they've expressed interest in you too.

However you're away for the next several months and your'e also not even sure that anything will ultimately come of it once you get back.

Are you within your rights to hook up with other people in the meantime, or would that be harmful to the potential future relationship with the person you're pining for?

Updates:
If they're letting you know it's going to be tough for them without a commitment, could that be a way of trying to incite a reaction or push for commitment?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If the interest was mutual, and I truly fell in love with a woman, a few months of waiting would be nothing. The idea of her sleeping with other guys, however, would be devastating. When I fall in love I tend to go off the deep end. The girl becomes everything I want in life. For her to just casually sleep with other guys while we're away for just a few months would make me really sad, as no other girl would be attractive to me for such a short duration of time. They wouldn't be her when I'm in that "honeymoon phase", and for that reason they would not be attractive to me.

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    • Would it be the idea of her potentially hooking up with other men that would stop you from doing the same?

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    • Oh, I'm not so great about that. I tend to fall in love with them through the process of having sex for some reason when we share this unbelievably intimate connection in the bedroom (almost like we can read each other's minds). It's not really about the sex but the sex often proves to me that we have this kind of "spiritual" (I'm a scientist/engineer type and shouldn't be using this word, but it's the only one I can think of) experience in the bedroom which then tends to echo throughout the relationship afterwards.

    • There were only 2 women in my life who did this to me among dozens. And I would have waited years for them. The feeling is so incredibly rare for me. I don't fall in love easily, but when I do, I go off the cliff.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes it's ok because there's no agreement on exclusivity.

    It would be unadvisedl to tell them about your exploits while away. Why do they need to even know, you're not in a relationship. And if you did tell them, I do believe that it would definitely hurt your chances at something later on. Keep that stuff to yourself.

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What Guys Said 13

  • You can do whatever you'd like, if there is no commitment of exclusivity. However, to give a nascent r/ship the best chance of working, it may make sense to focus on it and forgo others.

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  • You are within your rights to sleep with whoever you damn please until you are married but that doesn't really mean it's morally acceptable to everyone else. If someone you like means enough to you then you shouldn't really have to ask rather you should already have your answer. Obviously if you actually care for someone you are not going to sleep with other people while you are "talking to them" if you have a general interest in progressing a relationship.

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  • Dont hook up with other people if your head over heels.
    Keep in contact with that special person and build up the tension for the next time you meet.

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  • If we are both on the same page about each others feelings I'd wait for her and not hookup with anyone

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  • I wouldn't do that. I have a lot of self respect and wouldn't tolerate any woman who might do that to me.

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  • If you think you want to hook up, you clearly aren't head over heels in an emotional and intimate basis, but head over heels infatuated and crushing.

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    • What if you had tried with this person before only to get dumped and therefore saw them as a bit of a "wildcard"?

    • Then I don't know why I should be chasing after this person, if said person doesn't show any proper interest and effort back. Aka that person is a waste of time.

  • I think if you're into someone enough you shouldn't be fucking around with other people. Technically it's cool, although I think it's a bit loose really and I wouldn't get with a girl if, while we were on each other's radars; she was off elsewhere getting dick.

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  • Erm , realistically no ! But if your really set on this one guy then why would you want to. Check mine out !

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  • Exclusive is for decent girls. But we all know decent girls are as rare as hen teeth. So go ahead and slut it up. That's all you wanted to hear anyway.

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    • I was actually asking from the guy's perspective but thanks for the sweet response!

    • Oh, sorry. I misunderstood. For a guy, once he leaves the zip code he is free to bone whatever sloot is willing to spread her legs for him. If he is in an exclusive relationship with a girl back home, he will wear a rubber.

    • Your faith in humanity is refreshing.

  • No that's immature.

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  • I would talk about it. Its important to be clear of each other's expectations

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  • Have the same problem right now

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  • I would say you could but I wouldn't mention that I did during that time if I still want to get back with them

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What Girls Said 8

  • i've always found this odd because i'm Australian and in Australia after about 3 dates you don't even have to talk about it you just assume you're exclusive, like that's just the way it is. like it's always like that unless one of you says that you aren't exclusive.

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  • If you aren't exclusive and it is too soon to do long distance then yeah, you can do whatever you want. If you want to reconnect when you get back then I would definitely make sure you are both on the same page about that.

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  • Have a frank discussion about it. Tell her/him that you're head over heels, but want to be sure you are both doing the same thing.. and if he/she plans to slap and tickle others, then A) he/she isn't head over heels for you, and B) you better get yo' fun on in the sack with others and move on.

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  • No hookups or bets. Just focus on work and other stuff while ur SO is away. Watching Porn is an exception tho

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  • Yep, this is what everyone does. No exclusiveness = fair game for sleeping with whoever.

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  • Would you want him to hook up with other girls?

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  • I guess it's okay to do this, but I'm in a similar situation right now, and honestly, I wouldn't want to hook up with someone else. I have no interest in it.

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    • Is he doing the same thing, or are you just going to go by the "don't ask, don't tell" rule?

    • Our situation's more complex, so it's more than me just not being there at the moment. He has other things going on his life as well, and we both only date exclusively. So no, I don't believe he's going out and hooking up with other girls.

  • Yes you are we within your rights and yes it could harm future possibilities.

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