Am I overreacting or his he in the wrong? Text messages, snaps and calls?

I have been dating this guy for 8 months. I'm older than he is by 6 years and a single mother of two, not that matters. Things are overall great but I have two major issues. My issue is he cheated 4 months ago. She contacted me after their one night stand. I took him back hoping he wouldn't cheat again. Before the cheating I never went through his phone and really didn't much after. However, here lately he gets snaps, texts and calls all the time from other women and at all hours of the night. He says they are just friends and I'm being jealous/insecure. That they are just drunk and want someone to talk to. I have repeatedly told him if they are friends fine but no late night calls or seductive pics. He said he doesn't want to upset them. He continues to deny its not a big deal and I'm just paranoid and I should trust him. When I bring up he has cheated, he gets angry because I forgave him and it's not relevant.

Also, every other weekend I have my kids he spends his time going out and I barely hear from him. I have invited him plenty of times to do things with us and he declines. I spend the weekends stressing over lack of communication. This past weekend he stayed at a friends house with a couple and one of his best friend (female) I didn't hear from him the whole evening. I hate the double standard because he wouldn't tolerate it if stay the night with other man. Is it inappropriate it? Also, I want to ask about these other women on these weekend?

Then my second thing is he has asked me to move in but at the last minute got cold feet and renewed his lease. I own my own home and I'm in no rush to move but it would be nice to move the relationship forward. He asked me to give him another 6 months to figure out what he wants as far as living together. He says he wants the long haul with me just not now. He says he loves me and wants to stay together. I can't help to feel I'm wasting my time with him as far as moving in. I would appreciate some advice.

Updates:
So, I confronted him again about the women. Still no compromise. He said he isn't doing anything wrong and that he is there for them as friends even if it's late at night. I demanded to see these conversations. The one who he started talking about 3 weeks ago "old HS friend" he talks to everyday all day long. I got so mad at him, broke up with him and locked myself out of my car. I ended up staying at his place and we are back together again. I'm still not convinced he isn't cheating.
It's very frustrating getting sucked back into a relationship where your partner doesn't respect your boundaries and you for the matter.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Run. Run fast. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel like your wasting your time on him altogether. In a relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust, and in my opinion, that level of trust does not exist for you and it cannot. This guy probably is cheating on you still. You should walk away from him because imagine, if he's like this way now, imagine how he'd be once your relationship becomes long term and if you guys get married? It would be ridiculous.
    Also, about what you're saying with the double standard, I agree, yes, it's unfair, however, who in their right mind would want to do such a thing? When you're in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't be focusing on other men and women, but on your special someone.
    So, as much as I'm sure you will be a little sad, I believe that you and your children would benefit greatly if you'd leave this guy and cut all communication with him.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you for MHO!

What Guys Said 1

  • He is a player, or he is not interested in what you have to offer. You are totally wasting your time.

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What Girls Said 1

  • "He doesn't want to upset them" so basically he is putting their feelings before yours, I wouldn't tolerate this late night texts etc. IT gives them the vibe that he's available, or taken but uninterested in you and they feel good that he's giving them the attention and not you. It is inappropriate to be sleeping over at a females house, I don't care if they're friends, he has a bed so why doesn't he sleep in it, if he doesn't want that of you then he shouldn't expect you to be okay with it. I would definitely not move in right now you made the right choice, he seems shady as fuck.

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