Ex has reached out after 9 months?

So i was together with my ex for 5 years. He was emotionally abusive towards me and the relationship was one of the hardest I've ever had to end. The break up was messy and lasted months where I tried to fix things between us and him saying he wanted nothing to do with me. I blocked him and finally cut all contact, but he was my first love. So there's some history there.

I'm now moving forward with my life and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm also talking to a new guy who is much more forward and emotionally available than my ex. He's romantic and sporty and exactly what I need right now in my life, the only thing that's different is that he wants to move faster than I do. He wants to be exclusive and doesn't believe in having any gifts/photos from your past relationships, or any contact with your ex. Yet we're not in a relationship and we're still in the early stages of dating. He was also cheated on in the past which is why I'm hesitant to tell him my ex has reached out to me, but at the same time I think that being honest and open is the best thing to do.

I want to give this new guy a chance and I'm worried that by my ex reaching out is going to ruin my chances with him. Especially with how strongly his beliefs are regarding his exes.

Has anyone been through anything similar? Any advice on how to deal with this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds a little insecure. Might be something you need to help him work on as well.. if you want to be honest and open, yes do tell him your ex reached out, though I do expect him to respond quite negatively to it. But reassure him that there are no residual feelings, you don't plan on meeting up with him or anything of the sort, and you are just LETTING HIM KNOW of the situation, but that you can swear nothing will come of it. He needs to loosen up a little in my opinion though, gifts and photos are memories, they don't always remain things with emotional attachments. Like if my ex got me a bag I liked and use every day, it's more now "my bag" instead of "gift for my ex".

    • 3mo

      though I also will say, if you don't plan on having it move anywhere past this one conversation, you don't have to tell him.

    • 2mo

      thanks for MH :) good luck!

What Guys Said 1

  • You should have sex with him.


What Girls Said 1

  • Well first off... what in the hell are you thinking that you want to talk to an emotionally abusive ex? Be done with it, tell him to fuck off, you tried you moved on... so get on your horse and ride. I mean really what do you stand to gain from talking to him, the possibility of reviving and abusive relationship? Maybe a really good friend who just abuses you a little less? Wtf?

    If you get that straight, then really you don't need to talk to anyone about who tries to contact you when you don't reciprocate. He may as well be a telemarketer.

    You wanna go slow with the other guy? THen tell him, you just exited a relationship that was tough, you need to slow down a little. If he's really interested then he'll go slow. I will say that entering an exclusive relationship doesn't mean you have to be in love or get engaged or even are planning for a long term relationship. It simply means possibly that you are enjoying the other person and giving them a little respect by not saying you are keeping the playing field open to other guys. If you are interested in shopping around, then maybe he's not all that you are making him out to be. There's nothing wrong with that, just understand where you are at in your life and don't pretend otherwise.