I'm falling for a friend who's in an unhappy relationship - should I tell him how I feel?

I've been acquaintances with this guy for 15 years. We've had off and on periods of contact and no contact, but have always been on great terms. We can and have talked about everything and anything. He comes to me for advice on almost every subject and he trusts me.

I've always admired and respected him, but never thought about us together because I had self-esteem issues that made me feel he was too good for me. I have resolved my personal issues and now I can potential see a relationship between us. I honestly believe we could be really great for each other. I did tell him casually a few months ago that I don't date friends (I was healing from a bad relationship with a long-time friend at the time), but now I regret saying that.

The problem is he has a girlfriend at the moment, but he's unhappy in his relationship. They've only heen together for about 6 months. They broke up a month or so ago and him and I went to the drive in and we both had a great time. Then, because she's living in his house, refuses to move out and was making his home life miserable while they were broken up, they decided to try again. He's still very unhappy and dealing with a lot of other issues that she is not very helpful in supporting him through. He comes to me for support. I babysit his daughter and see him everyday.

I find myself liking him more everytime I see him. My question is, should I tell him that I have feelings for him, or wait until he convinces her to move out? At the end of the summer, we'll probably slip into our normal pattern of no communication, when his daughter goes back to school and I'm worried that I may miss the chance.

I don't expect him to break up with her for me. Neither of us would even consider him cheating on her. I just want him to know how I feel so I don't have to keep struggling to hide it.

Thanks for the help.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You should have sex with him as often as possible and in as many freaky positions as the two of you can come up with.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think telling him would be beneficial to you, him or his daughter. When children are involved you really have to be far more aware of the impact your actions have, and if we're being honest they are selfish actions. No offense meant, it's just that you don't know things will work out so you have to err on the side of caution.

    From another angle, he also isn't in a position where he should be thinking about his next relationship. He clearly hasn't sorted out this one, add you to the mix and it can only serve to complicate matters.

    I suggest you support him as you have been and wait for his current situation to resolve itself, however that may turn out. If he continues on in the bad relationship then that's his own fault for not ending it, six months is not six years. It shouldn't be that difficult.

    I'd also ask myself the question though... why does he stop seeing you when his daughter returns to school? You're sure he isn't using you for cheap childcare and a shoulder to cry on when he needs to vent? I hope he values your friendship as much as you do.

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  • U shouldn't tell before he breaks up

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