I feel hurt? No good girls left? Am I wrong?

So I am 24 years old, not bad looking maybe a bit shy.

I fell in love with a girl, I thought she was nice... but it turns out she was dating a bad boy and when she was single... I didn't pursue her, because I felt insecure... She was with a bad boy and I am a virgin... And the thought of her being with someone else hurt me...

So much sex is happening now, people are hooking up, breaking up, cheating, etc.

It feels like there are no good girls in this world... by 24 they have at least slept with one guy, probably a bad boy who used them... and then want a nice guy to support them after that...

I really don't want to be that guy a women settles for after she has had her fun, but I really feel like that's me...

I honestly just want a real relationship, with a good girl, who hasn't slept around, and values sex and is a virgin herself... I want love...

But if that is not true, maybe I should just stop believing in love, and just start partying and hooking up with girls and just settle for what ever girl falls for me when I am 30...

Updates:
The girl seemed really nice, but she just loved male attention, led boys on, and never told anyone of her relationship... but he was the typical bad boy she was trying to change...
There is more to the girl story, I just don't feel like bringing it up

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well that girl was a real bitch but the thing is the are good girls too... you have to be lucky to find first love who is still a virgin... and have a long relationship but that does not mean girls who are not virgins are bad for relationships... There are plenty of girls there... Just don't settle for thrashy bitch like the one you are talking about...
    Have done standards a little bit of open mind and you will find someone for sure...

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    • Why is she a bitch? She didn't do anything specifically to him. All she did was date someone HE didn't like...

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    • Yeaa you find a new girl.. asker! That's the best way to move on.. is to get under someone

    • I know I will find someone else... but my heart still aches from her sometime, sometimes maybe some anxiety... she is still in my life and I am not sure if I should talk to her about this or just ignore her...

What Girls Said 12

  • "She was with a bad boy and I am a virgin... And the thought of her being with someone else hurt me..."

    Awww muffin... are we supposed to feel sorry for you? If you allow what another person does with their own body who has ZERO commitment or relationship with you to "hurt" you, that's a you problem. SHE didn't hurt you. You don't get to have a say over what she does. And really, you "fell in love" with this girl? Even though she lives a lifestyle you clearly don't approve of? No. You didn't. You don't love her. You are attracted to her physically and you want her to be a different person than she actually is so that she can fulfill the weird sexy virgin fantasy you've created in your head about who you wish she was.

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  • Well then that girl is stupid and she shouldn't affect your views on love. My boyfriend is my first and we plan to get married. He is the love of my life and the only man I've ever been with. He makes me happy.

    Perhaps you should try going for girls you normally wouldn't have. Or go for girls who have a positive and strong bond with their fathers. My dad and my grandpa never allowed me to date until I was 18. They made sure to instill values into my life and they protected me from a lot of what girls put themselves through.

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    • Wow, I really hope I meet someone like you... :)

      How do I find these girls?

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    • No I think that's another problem,

      Done school and I just see the same co-workers everyday.

    • Well, if you see an attractive girl approach her. The worst she can do is say no. Go on a few dates and look for those red flags just like we talked about.

  • Ugh wtf you don't wanna be with a girl because of someone she dated in the past?

    Have fun being single weirdo

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  • I hate to break it to you dude, you didn't act on it when you knew she was single so its your own fault. I'm not putting it down to gender roles but if you have a crush then its up to you to make the first move. Thats where some guys go wrong with me, they make it obvious they like me but never seem to act on it. I eventually just lose interest and move on. You act like your the only virgin. Where's your head been recently? Up in the clouds? I'm a virgin and I'm turning 25 this year. Believe it or not there are virgins older than us. I've had plenty of friends with benefits offers but refused to sleep around because its not my style. Like you I want someone who's serious about me and won't just use me for sex.

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    • And for the record, if I bag myself an experienced guy I will not complain. On the other hand if I end up with another virgin. We could both learn together.

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    • @Yoloxt23 so mgtow is a game then? Sorry I wasn't sure what that was at first. So I googled it and it came up something about dating.

    • MGTOW is men who either avoid all women together or having only sexual gratification without the possibility of a long-term relationships/marriage.

  • I know how you feel from the female side. all you ever wish for is to be lucky enough to someone who is on the same page as you. stay positive, I hope you find someone as you seem like a lovely chap.

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  • Umm hate to break it to you but 😑there's no such thing as love..
    Just start hooking up and enjoy lol

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  • It's stupid to assume being a virgin or not makes you either a good or a bad person.

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    • I have no problem being with a non virgin if she is a good girl...

      But a lot of girls lie, and have been with a lot of partners and I haven't even been with one.

    • yeah, I think it's pretty stupid to lie about these things. If the other person doesn't like you because you're a virgin/not a virgin then they're good to go. Being honest is always the best choice.

  • there are plenty fish in the sea, you just got to look harder.

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  • Virginity is over rated, doesn't mean because someones had lots of sex, very little or none even that they can't be decent in a relationship.

    Maybe that girl was leading people on a lot but thats just her. Don't try and find someone, that way you'll get someone who is more natural to you. You just sound desperate so you would attract users.

    But in all seriousness virginity is sad and over rated. Me and my first partner were virgins together, they loved their porn so much and I was worth shit in comparison, I'd rather a cheating girl or boy than a sad b*stard.

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  • It's clearly the type you're going for. If you go for party girls, they're gonna party. It's not much different to when girls complain all the good guys are gone while always crushing on guys who are constantly at the club and always got loads of girls.

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    • This deserves MHO

    • Honestly, you might be right... I am not meeting these girls at parties but i notice similarities when I have gotten to know other girls as well...

      The look really nice, normal, just an average girl...

      They love drinking, they love attention, and just the way they talk.

  • I'm a virgin, like nice guys and am VERY against the idea of cheating. I hate it. When I'm in a relationship I always start of loyal as hell - Avoid getting too close to other guys, don't hang out with or call other guys, always find an excuse to mention my boyfriend (this is partly in case other guys get confused about it and partly because I just like talking about my bf), and let it be known that I am taken - I'm cool with everyone knowing I got a boyfriend. Cool with it. I even like it.

    The only time I stop acting that way is if the person I am with acts otherwise - For example, I used to mention my boyfriend when talking to other guys but when I realised that he didn't tell girls he had a girlfriend unless they asked, I decided I would not tell other guys I had a boyfriend unless they asked.

    The way I see it what's good enough for one is good enough for the other - Don't tell other girls your in a relationship unless they directly ask? I won't tell other guys I'm in a relationship unless they directly ask. Talk to girls on Xbox? I'll talk to guys on GAG. Don't hold my hand in public because it's too hot? Can't hug me when in private because it's too hot.

    Just a few examples.

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    • I have no problem with girls mentioning their boyfriends...

      It's fine, I think it's awesome you respect him and like him enough to tell people...

      The girl I was with, went out of her way to avoid telling me she had a boyfriend...

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    • Also 2... I forgot to mention... Maybe I am scared all girls are like this?

      I haven't really come across any "nice girls", I thought she was a nice girl too... All I see are bad girls... :(

    • I think most people are nice in some ways, not so much in others. No one is perfect.

      I try to be as loyal as possible in a relationship, try to help people when I can, sometimes buy my family or boyfriend stuff even though I don't have much money (just a tenner a week that my Dad gives me atm though he is going to help me get benefits), will stay up late to help comfort a friend, polite, give change to a homeless person when I see them if I have any, will stop what I'm doing to comfort my Mum if she seems sad, and try to be empathetic to people even if I don't know them.

      But then I also have anger issues, overreact to things, can be attention seeking, easily jealous, indecisive (I'm indecisive right now about my boyfriend and it's making me uncomfortable!), self-pitying, rude, vindictive, passive-aggressive and act childishly (though I don't always realise at the time and even if I do it can be hard to stop).

      I think I'm nice in ways, but a total jerk in others

  • You sound like your hurt, give it time, you'll eventually find someone, just don't put your standards too high, and don't give a girl's past so much importance

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What Guys Said 12

  • You really should have stopped believing in love a long time ago. It never really is what we had all thought and expected it to actually be. If you look really deep into it, you would eventually realize it's just illusions and delusions caused by the chemical reactions of hormones in our bodies and brains. It's sole purpose and existence is only there to prevent us from dying out completely since it creates the desire for us to seek relationships and sex and procreate. It's the truth but many people don't want to know this and don't want and is unwilling to accept it for what it actually really is:

    Just a necessary set of delusions and illusions to increase the chance of us procreating so that we would not completely die out, but I always thought the fact that we could suffer and die is the problem in the first place and yet we all have these desires cause by these hormones and shit all there just to keep this cycle of birth, suffering and death going over and over and over again.

    Enough of my blabbering, don't even think or feel too down about what you're going through and where you're at right now, just go out there and have fun!

    And look back without ever regretting anything, because you only live once and life is much too short that you would expect it to be.

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  • "Love" is way overrated, anyway. Work on making yourself happy and forget about trying to find a unicorn. If you find a virgin older than 16 these days, she's lying to you. There is no magical experience that you're missing out on by waiting to have your first time with another virgin. It just feels magical because you waited 10+ years (counting from when you became aware of sex) to get it. Hit the gym instead. You'll feel better.

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  • I think you are being a little too picky. It is BS trying to look for someone who is perfect and meets all your criteria.

    It is time to be more realistic and start opening up to whats damn good compared to damn perfect!

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    • Honestly just looking for a girl who doesn't sleep around and manipulate men...

    • There are plenty out there... perhaps your type that you normally go for is the problem. Try outside the box.

  • I hate this entitled male thought process. Grow up. Get a grip. Males and females can still be amazing people while not being virgins. What a thought.

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  • Don't you get confused, what you want is to fuck.. a virgin one and hot if possible... You're frustrated and desperate.

    Maybe for these women you are actually the 'bad' boy which could mean 'poor' quality because of insecurity as you mentioned.

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    • Work on shyness and awkwardness, and approach the girl in a way she feels good to be around.

    • It amazes me how guys seem to be able to be broken into two distinct groups on this site: the ones who are able to view the world from a broader perspective that includes acknowledging that women are people with their own perspectives; and the ones who cannot see past their own desires and expect women to conform to the assumptions and expectations they make about how the world does or should operate based on their limited and self centred perspective.

      Nice to meet you, former of the two!

  • same thing here bro except im 28

    love does exist but you have to grow a thick skin. dont settle for idiotic and sluttish girls. i know that well i did it for a very long time

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  • There are probably such girls you want but of course less than sluts

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  • Dude. The well is poisoned. The jar is empty. Accept it.

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  • Buddy, have fun with that, SLUTS are everywhere. Believe me, go MGTOW.

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  • I agree, I also want a girl who wants me for me.

    I think it's wrong that girls in the 20s tend to act innocent around guys who treat them nice. Obviously they like you. NO one is so nice to someone they don't fancy. Yet a guy who isn't caring, they would do kinky stuff with?

    I wrote a question on meeting a taken girl who is now single. Can u help me out?

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  • Welcome to life, where the only modus operandi is to do what benefits the individual. Are you surprised you were used? There is no love in this world, cauterize those feelings before they consume you. The "nice" girls you seek are figments of your imagination as they do not exhibit the basic selfishness of the human being. No one will truly care for you, and you will be replaced when a suitable upgrade appears in front of her. Look around you and observe the misery "love" has brought to so many.

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  • So just because she's dated someone before, she's automatically not a good girl anymore? She's sloppy seconds at this point? Who the fuck do you think you are?

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    • Again more to the story, I should have explained...

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    • Ahh, okay. That was wrong what she did, but that doesn't make her "evil" and it shouldn't make you want to give up on love.

    • I really did love her, I gave her my trust, and she just destroyed my heart... I know I'm hurt, and I really don't believe in love anymore...

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