How should I go about this conversation?

>Been hooking up with a girl hanging out almost every other day for the past 3 months
>She doesn't know I'm moving to university in the Fall. I think she is under the assumption I'm still going to be here at the local community college next semester.
>She knows we aren't 'dating' because I made my intentions clear from the start but it seems a little more than just a fuck buddy at this point.
>I want to keep her around as a friends with benefits while I'm in my hometown for summers and breaks
>Don't want to offend her by treating her like a piece of meat saying "yeah I just want to fuck you when I'm in town" but at the same time I don't want her to think we are trying to get in some LDR shit.

I mean I just want to keep it simple and fun like it already is when I come back on a breaks.. but I think she has some feels. I'm terrible at discussing anything like this with women because if she starts crying or showing emotion I fucking freeze up. Srs no idea how to react when that happens.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, be truthful! Lay it all out. She knows you two aren't together, and it sounds like you have made it clear that this is just a friends with benefits type situation. So I would run it by her. Let her know that you enjoy how things have been so far, but that you are going to university in the fall. But that you would enjoy hanging out when you are in town. See how she feels about that.

    Keep in mind that it is totally her call if that situation is not okay with her. But at least you are giving her all the details so she can make that decision.

    If she starts crying and getting upset, then clearly the situation has evolved to more than just a friends with benefits and perhaps having her on call as an occasional friends with benefits is not going to work. We can't always get what we want, so maybe it's best to let her go if that is how this plays out.

    But she may very well be okay with the situation. Good luck!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Best thing is to be truthful, tell her the truth but do it in a way that is as respectful and as polite as possible, that's honestly the best advice I can give because that's what I'd do in your situation. Maybe leave out the benefits part of the conversation out lol.

    As for the whole crying part uh yeah if that happens just comfort her, hug her, and let her know you just want to be friends. You really should do something about the whole freezing up when a gal cries thing man, that's not a good habitat.

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What Girls Said 10

  • There's no way you can go about this without hurting her in some respect, but you can at least soften the blow and hopefully not end up in a really awkward ugly-cry moment.

    You made your intentions clear from the start, so she should ideally be expecting this, but unfortunately women are emotional creatures so it is highly likely that there's part of her that thought if she held out you'd change your mind.

    First and foremost you need to bring up the fact that you're headed to university in the fall (good on you btw) and that things between you are essentially going to change as a result. Now, I know a lot of people are going to tell you to preach upfrontedness and total honesty off the bat, but if you ask me the better approach would be to simply tell her you'll visit her and hang out on breaks, and bring up the topic of continuing to hook up THEN. At least then you're not just dropping a huge bomb on the girl.

    Hey I'm no hookup expert but that's what I'd do.

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  • "Gotta go to uni now, we'll catch up whenever I'm back in town."

    Then power walk away.

    Maybe run.

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  • I'm too young to give an advice in this thing but I'm trying it anyway
    You're 23
    Why don't you just try a serious relationship with her
    Well maybe you won't love her
    But why don't you just give it a try?
    And if she cries than she wants something more serious with you
    Cause if I wanted a boy to have something serious with him and he'd say me he just wants me to be his friend with benefits then I'd srs cry too much
    I know you're moving away but it still can work I think
    Anyway you know what's better for you
    Hope I helped😊

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  • I would recommend you just cut the benefits part honestly. Then there's no gray area and she won't get her hopes up. I think if you end things on good terms, the line is still open. You could just shoot her a text asking to catch up whenever you're in town.
    If you tell her right now that you want to hook up when you're in town, it would really hurt her if you came back and said you were dating someone. She would feel like she wasn't good enough, especially since you said you didn't want to get serious with her.

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    • "I would recommend you just cut the benefits part honestly."
      yanking my chain here..

      No it's good advice though.

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    • Haha Why do you think she's getting the feels?

    • If you continuously have sex with a girl the way I am it's bound to happen. Just the vibes I get. I'll send you some of the texts through snap and you'd see lol

  • Just be honest... let her know how you feel. If you're not honest she'll probably wait for you and any positive feelings that she has toward you will be gone because she waisted time on you when she could have been dating other people.

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  • Tell her what you just said now.

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  • Better tell her now. It's only going to get worse with time.

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  • Just talk to her about what you just told us

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  • I fucking wanna cry. Such a lost soul.

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    • Lol this just makes me sad. Just tell her how you really feel, and don't be scared if she ends up crying or shows some emotions. Just hug her, and tell her the truth.

    • How is this sad? They weren't in a relationship. Lmao

  • Just come right out and tell her what you told us, that you want to remain friends with benefits when you come back to town...

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What Guys Said 8

  • If you think she is having feelings for her, you have a moral obligation to have a conversation with her about that subject or to end the relationship.

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  • bruv, id say be open about the fact that ur moving, and only if ahe asks anything about "us" or stuff, tell her ur stance.
    i f she doeas have feelings, this may not turn out well, .. but then agIn if she's that into you, maybe its better not to keep her as the " home plate". both for you, and her

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  • Just tell her the truth. What you said here. If she bitches just be like you know what we were getting into. This was nothing serious.

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  • just ask her nicely that would you mind if we have friends with benefits relationship with each other?

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  • But you are treating her like a piece of meat lmao.

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  • Tell her u rushing in ato and finna bout to bang freshman sorostitutes

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  • 23 and university? Doctorate or something?

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  • Dude stop over thinking, she'll find another fuck buddy when you're gone and forget about you. I think you have feelings for her because if you didn't you wouldn't be asking this question.

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    • She is a cool girl. Not trying to be a dick and I'm terrible at having any emotional convo if thats what is escalated to

    • Oohh i see now...
      Just let her know you're going to another college if she gets upset say "baby, don't worry we can still maintain our current relationship when I'm on breaks ". it will make things look like you really care and you'll still get laid.

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