"Men constantly have to be on. Not only were my initial messages to girls necessarily concise and witty with a healthy dose of denigration, but every succeeding message has to be interesting even if – as in most cases – the girl gives u a minimal level of conversational material to work with. It also has to be sensitive to her mood and the changing tone and course of the interaction. As my friend put it, the messaging process goes something like:
The hardest part is constantly having to be interesting else u fuck it up.
Observation: 1) Women are fickle. Even if a sequence of messages seems to be going really well, a woman will arbitrarily change her mind at any given point if u did not re-calibrate effectively, or her competing options are disqualifying you as a sexual candidate. This trait in particular made me really sympathetic to the hoops men have to jump through when acquiring a girl’s attention, even though most women have nothing to offer.
2) Women are boring and have very high estimations of themselves The difference is the self-evaluation. Most men undervalue themselves online and most women overvalue themselves. I understand this is a natural consequence of the sexual marketplace, but after you read the literally hundredth, carefully worded profile of a girl touting her intellectual strengths and esoteric pop culture references, it gets EXCRUCIATINGLY boring. The annoying part is that she thinks she’s being really unique.
I can see how having to be in this frame of mind makes men cynical. I’ve heard men previously remark that they use male friends for intellectual stimulation and women for emotional companionship + sex. A high investment/low return interaction does make you perceive women as a monolithic category that don’t deserve much sincerity. I understand that is self-defeating to admit as a woman, but my male persona can’t help but experience it."
Yes and no. Mostly yes. But I hit no by accident. I do think that men have to put ridiculous amount of effort for even subpar women. I do feel bad about that, but then I also realize that lots of men, obviously not all, throw themselves at anything with a vag. So they make the game harder for other men by unnecessarily inflating her ego.
I'd like to try this for myself honestly.
It reminds me of the undercover observation by the guy as a woman. He said that men were too desperate and pigs. And that many sent unsolicited pics or things and couldn't handle rejections. Interestingly enough, he felt bad for the BS women had to go through too.
Based on both these undercover observations, my conclusion is that online dating sucks for anyone. I'll probably never try it lol
"The hardest part is constantly having to be interesting else u fuck it up"
Nailed it right there! Everything else was spot on too! I seriously thought this was coming from a guy. I love how most women don't agree with this, but have yet to try the experiment themselves. Go ahead ladies, try it out, walk a mile in our shoes for a change!
"after you read the literally hundredth, carefully worded profile of a girl touting her intellectual strengths and esoteric pop culture references, it gets EXCRUCIATINGLY boring. The annoying part is that she thinks she’s being really unique."
Some people are oblivious. Men have to sell themselves and be smart, hung, confident and the pursuer while the women gets to complain and reject as she hurrys up and waits for guys to message them. Even people I dated they expect you to be funny, flirty and keep the conversation going meanwhile they give half assed closed responses that don't even require a response, or reword what you said and/or throw it in your face
I agree that the overwhelming majority of women on online dating sites are boring. They can't (?) or don't want to (?) make an effort to have conversations most of the time in my experience. I've used online dating to make various friends for like 4 years, and out of all the matches/messages/etc., very few of those turned into meaningful conversations and fewer continued beyond that.
I disagree on the "strategy" that men have to follow, and also that women overvalue themselves, and also that men undervalue themselves. I mostly disagree with everything except that women on these sites are frequently boring.
I don't get the idea behind this "re-calibrating" and accomodating her and entertaining her in the conversation. Why would you want to know someone who doesn't make any effort to communicate effectively with you and makes you do all the work? When I sense that someone is like that I stop wasting my time on them (happens a lot).