IS MY EX USING ME FOR SEX?

My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago, as we were fighting non-stop. I went to see a therapist to work on my anger.. He left his computer, tv, clothes etc at my place still & he refuses to pick them up, and still has a photo of us on fb. It was my bday a few days ago, and he messaged me to meet up. He took me for lunch and he talked about how he wants to take me on a road trip this weekend, that he will quit smoking for me, the plans of him moving back in etc. Anyways we hooked up & he slept over, he offered to drive me to work, but instead I started to talk about our relationship, he told me he wants to take things slow, and said "STOP", but I got angry and continued. He stormed out of my place, and told me that I came on too strong... I accused him of using me for sex, and he has been ignoring me for days now. IS he just playing me or was he actually interested in getting back together?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You sound like you have anger issues. When you have already broken up, the remains of the relationship are very fragile. He said he wanted to "take things slow" probably to figure out a way to resolve your differences and fix things.

    The reason why he wanted to take things "slow" is because when you become hot-headed, things will spiral out of control into arguments and he will probably also lose the ability to think rationally. Then you two just end up on a shit-throwing contest at each other.

    Considering the fragile state of your broken relationship, I question why you would get angry at him again. I would think you would show some restraint and control your anger. If there was any hope of resolution, you probably just threw it out the window, as you confirmed to him that you are not a good match with him.

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    • Although I do have a short fuse, as does he (breaking things in the house, verbally abusive), after 3 months I have to wonder... I waited for him for so long while he barely responded to my texts, and didn't really show an interest in speaking or seeing me.
      It makes me wonder, how come after 3 months he has no problem with have sex with me, but speaking about our relationship is taboo?
      How can it be so easy for him to cut off contact for so long if he really loved me?

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    • Although I don't have anger issues, I was once quite stubborn and argumentative. Over time, and over several broken relationships, I've looked back at my actions. Perhaps some insight can help you.

      In your moments alone, think about what you want from a relationship. When problems arise, there is obviously a specific outcome you want. If you want attention because he's ignoring you, ask yourself what you need to do to get the loving attention you want. Not the arguing attention you end up getting. Obviously, raising your voice and getting into a fight will make your needs clear, but isn't going to get what you want because the fight will push him away. So you need to know ahead of time what you need to do to get the reaction you want.

      In disagreements with my wife, there is a point where I switch on a "Caution" mode in my brain, where I watch EVERYTHING I say. I never use "You never..." phrases.

    • For example, no longer say "You never wash the dishes" or "You never clean up". Because it's just not true and will lead to more arguments. It will also not get get to clean the dishes or clean up. Instead, I will say, "We need to keep the place cleaner together", or "Can we clean the home together later?".

      It's more likely to get her to clean, because I asked to do it together. If she's busy, I'll simply ask for us to do it later. Argument averted. Goal (cleaning up) accomplished. There have been times I started a sentence with "You never..." and then immediately rephrase it. As long as you correct it right away, the sparks won't fly.

      We've been married for 2 years now and we haven't argued since before the wedding during our dating years. Every day is a laugh, and I couldn't be happier.

      Hope that helps.

Most Helpful Girl

  • No he was definitely trying to rekindle the relationship

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What Guys Said 7

  • I had a relation in the past i was acting about the same way with my girlfriend. there was no stuff i was keeping at her place but the thing is that i was not able to assume i was attracted and pleased by her. She was little chubby and at that time i had bad friends around me to which i was giving too much importance to their opinions. They were telling me she was not good for me, too fat, well, everything that was not thier business since, when i was with her, i was just fine. we had great sex, great cuddles, great time when going out. I would jusd had nedded some help of someone out there telling me it was great i had this girl with me to have confidence into myself having her at my side for real i mean.

    I know know i did some wrong to her, but it was all against my will.

    Sad but it's life.

    I don't know if that could be the same thing there. Sometimes, our friends and family have bad influence towards our relations and sometimes we don't realize that the first thing we should tell those people is to shut it up.

    Now i don't mind what other thinks of girls i get attracted to. I just go with my own feelings :-)

    Hope it helps.

    Love, peace, happiness, hugs and cuddles :-)

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    • Thank you for your help. YOU are 100% right... he keeps telling, "everyone says you're trouble"... and I just can't believe that he is listening to all these people. Yes we had our issues, but now he is barely giving me the time of day!

  • Sounds like it. Time to LDAR

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  • How did this ex-boyfriend impress you in the first place, if I may inquire?

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    • When we first met? Or during our lunch date recently?

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    • Honestly, my boyfriend of 4 years I met off of OKcupid... give it a try!

    • I did, but I'm Korean American and we get rejected a lot by the white women. It's as if white or Latino men get the most responses, while South Asian, Middle Eastern, East Asian, and black men get put at the bottom of the barrel.

  • I wouldn't say so, since you fought so much beforehand.

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  • No, he using you to gain access to your vault of wisdom and your inherited fortune

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  • He wanted to ease back into things. You pushed too hard. He bailed.

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  • Why do people want to try to fix a broken relationship, when you can find one that doens't need fixing?

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    • That is a very valid statement. Let's just say that I care about him, and feel that a lot of the fights stemmed from my immaturity, therefore I want to see whether I can do more and make things work with a person that I love.

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    • Sounds smart, but so hard :(
      Have you been in a similar situation?

    • Sorta. Hard but worth it. When you remove yourself you can see with a clear mind

What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like he's actually interested if he promises to do all that for you. Not only that, he refuses to pick his things up from your house so I'm sure that's because he wants to/plan on getting back together with you and feels no need to take it back just to bring them back to your place if you guys ever do get together. It might've been too much for him if you're discussing about relationship right after. Maybe he just needs time.

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  • He is obviously using you in order to hook up with you.

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