First date advice to someone with virtually no experience?

On Friday I finally asked my crush to go out with me. We're already friends, we've been hanging out for about 4 months now. She said yes, but we haven't agreed on a time or date yet. However, I don't really have any experience, there aren't that many girls I find that attractive, so this is the first time I've ever asked anybody to go out with me. She's really special to me, so I want to make sure everything goes smoothly. I've been told by an inside source that she would like to go out with me because she is looking for a serious relationship and thinks I would be an ideal partner (I don't go looking for one night stands or picking up girls at bars), so I think there must be some attraction between us.

I sent her a message yesterday morning letting her know of which days are best for me, and if she could reply likewise. She hasn't replied yet. Girls, if a guy sends you a message asking when would you like to go out, and you like him, would you tend to reply ASAP, or wait a little to build tension or whatever?

I was planning on taking her to a seafood restaurant for dinner, and then maybe taking a walk and going for ice cream. I know she likes both seafood and ice cream, but I'm wondering, is this too boring and unoriginal for a first date or is it about right?

Also, how can I show her I really like her without being too intense? I don't want to be too reserved as then the date will be like we're having dinner as we have done many times, just without all our other mutual friends. I think I need to show her some level of affection, but I don't really know what is about the right level. Kissing is probably too much, but is it OK to cuddle up at the end of your first date? I was thinking of maybe trying to hold hands, as this is very gentle and not threatening, but a friend told me this is a big no-no as it's something only done in an established relationship. Any thoughts on this would be most appreciated.

Thanks for any replies, I really need some help with this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You mentioned that she hasn't responded back, maybe she is just making sure when would be a perfect time to set the meet up. You shouldn't worry too much. (I usually respond back within the day if I like the guy)

    First dates are usually very casual. If you already know her, then you have an idea of what she enjoys or likes doing. So plan something that is enjoyable for the BOTH of you. That way, its guaranteed to be a great adventure.

    As for your question on holding hands and kissing... I recommend paying attention to her body language. If she is interested, she'd give direct eye contact. If she wants you to kiss her, she'd look at your lips and then eyes and so on. Pay attention to her body language and just act natural. Remember to stay relaxed and be yourself.

    Good luck on your first date!!! :)

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    • Yes, she hasn't got back to me yet, I'm paranoid about these things as I'm worried that she just said yes to going out with me just to be polite. But she was really smiling and giggling when I asked her, so I'm hoping she is really interested.

      I'm a little annoyed with a mutual female friend at the moment though, I was told on Thursday (before I asked my prospective date out) that she and my crush would be going away for a girl's night out on Saturday/Sunday, hence I asked for our date to be in the evening during next week, although Saturday or Sunday would have been better. As it turns out though, they didn't go yesterday and are doing something this afternoon instead, so I could have actually gone on a date yesterday night, and it would have been easier to just ask for it there and then. So I kind of missed an opportunity thanks to our mutual friend being badly organised. Anyway, I hope my prospective date is just busy hanging out with our friend and she'll get back to me tomorrow.

    • As for the date, I like eating in different places, so for me going for dinner is fine, and while I prefer meat to seafood, I know she likes it and I can enjoy it too when it is very fresh and cooked properly. To be honest, though, I think I could enjoy almost any situation if I'm with her, she just has that effect on me.

      Thanks for the advice on affection on a first date. We already tend to make a lot of eye contact when chatting, sometimes I get a bit lost looking in her eyes, so I don't always follow her body language when chatting to her. But this was when we were just hanging out as friends, maybe her body language will be different and more direct whilst we are on a date.

      Thanks again for your help!

    • Body language is important because though she may not speak things out loud, if you pay close attention- it will lead you to actions beyond words. For example, if you go to the beach and she shivers, offer her your jacket. Its a suave move and it means your attention is only with her. It makes a girl feel giddy and special.

      No worries :) Just glad to be of help.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're overthinking some of the aspects a little too much. Nothing is too boring if you aren't a boring person to be around. Restaurant and dinner are a nice bet, me personally though... I would leave that to a second date, but it's completely up to you. First date I usually make it something simple in the evening, get some takeaway then go to a nice place like the beach or something and watch the sunset.. That's my kind of thing if I know the girl, if I don't know her it's just a simple coffee. Restaurant dinners would usually be my idea of a second date as they're a little more full on.

    As far as other things go, let the conversation flow.. Don't be in your head and listen to her, insert humor every now and then.. It's just natural you should be fine. I didn't have a clue when I first went out, but it just happened naturally like a first kiss. Don't try and hold hands, it will seem forced.. Everything needs to feel natural and not forced. For example, if in my case if we were at the beach we would sit close to each other, moments of high emotion are the best time to touch, like laughter... if you're both laughing you can just put your arm around her while you laugh.. as if you're just caught up in the emotion.. It should feel natural and if she's into you she'll reciprocate.

    Try not to worry about things and you'll be all fine.

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    • Thanks so much, this is great advice. I was wondering if my plan was a bit too much, but at the same time, I want to confirm to her that I am the "serious" guy she is looking for and make a big impression. We live in a coastal town on the mediterranean, there are a bunch of nice seafood restaurants near the fisherman's wharf that I was thinking we should go to.. Some of the restaurants have a full menu (maybe 20€ per person), but some of the others have a more casual "tapas" menu, so maybe I'll go for the latter so it isn't too intense as you say.

      I'm quite good at making her laugh, she seems to like all my silly jokes. I'm a little stupid when it comes to these things, I never even thought of trying to put my arm around her or touch her when we laugh together after making a silly joke. We can walk from the restaurant to the beach, so maybe we can find a bench and sit down and chat for a bit, and maybe then I can create some more emotional moments.

      Thanks again, this really helps!

What Girls Said 1

  • First of all I think that sounds like a sweet date because it shows that you listen to her and know (and remember) what she likes. I think she will like it. If she still hasn't gotten back to you maybe she is trying to figure out a good day and time for the date or maybe she is trying to build tension. If she really likes you she will respond soon. Can you tell if she read the message? How did you message her?

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    • Thanks for your support, I really do pay attention to her, she means a lot to me. I know she's busy this weekend (we thought she would be going out yesterday and today, as it turns out she was free yesterday and is away today with a mutual female friends, girl's day out), so it's possible that she's just focusing on her other activities, which is fine, but I'm eager to hear from her. We're friends anyway, and when I asked her out, she said we would talk about it soon.

      I can't tell if she read the message, I'm not on Facebook or Whatsapp, and I tend not to use a mobile either, so I sent her a message via email (she sent me a few photographs from her mobile by email, so I just replied to this message saying thanks for the photos and if she has a preference for when we will have the date). I know email is a crappy way of doing this, it's very possible that she'll only read it tomorrow, but I was so happy when she said yes I forgot to offer my mobile number...

      Thanks for the advice!

What Guys Said 1

  • The date idea you came up with is good but you should have just scheduled it for like Friday or something.

    Hand holding is OK on a first date, and even kissing her is OK if the date went well. There are cues that women give off at the end of a date to let you know if you can kiss them. Just Google that and you'll be good.

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    • Yes, I agree, but unfortunately I'm a bit restricted in when we can go for a date. I only asked her out on Friday evening (we were out with friends for a drink, she said she was tired so I offered to walk her home, and I asked her out when we got to her door), and I thought she would be away all weekend since she had made plans with some other girls, but as it turned out she was actually free yesterday, since the girl who was organising the weekend trip failed to get anywhere to stay. At the end of next week both of us are going away for summer holidays with family, so my only options are some evening during next week. I know it's not ideal, but I really felt I had to do something soon, even if it's just one date before the summer, because then she will think about me while she is away and when we come back to work, hopefully she will be excited to go out with me again.

      I guess I just need to play it by ear when it comes to be affectionate with her though.

      Thanks for the advice!

    • Try Tuesday or Wednesday if you can't wait til the weekend. It gives you time to reschedule for Thursday if something comes up.

    • Yes, I was thinking of Tuesday. If she doesn't reply to my message, it's not too much of a big deal since I think a mutual friend will hold a drinks event tomorrow evening, so I might be able to talk to my prospective date then. She seemed really happy to be asked out, so I can't see why she might be trying to back out, so I hope she's just been busy or lazy about reading messages. Tuesday would also be good because then there is time to organise maybe one more date (say Thursday) before we both go away for holidays. That way she'll definitely know I will be committed to her and she'll think of us while she is away.

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