My boyfriend doesn't put effort in to see me? Or am I being too selfish?

Well he communicates with me everyday.
Recently his car has tire issues.
He invited me to go out tonight and told me he'll call me back but never did. Instead he text me to play games. We played games and then he said he's going to chill. I asked if he's still going out or if he would like me to come pick him so we can hangout. He hasn't replied to me but he did end up going out with friends. He also seems more concerned about getting his friends from out of state a place to stay than to see me. Seems more excited? I don't know if he's feeling embarrassed about his car? I have car issues too but I still make a way. I don't know if should talk to him telling him I feel like I'm putting effort and it's not being sent back to me. I hate confrontation, but I feel like I should have some boundaries and my voice heard. What should I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • You are insecure... STOP.. he will pick up on this and then it's over. You need to be busy with things you are interested in in your life that doesn't concern him. Just because he has a life and other stuff going on doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. He needs to find his friends a place to stay.. you are the one making it out that it's more important then seeing you... he still needs to do this.. so why not support him and ask him if needs help. Add value.. don't always take it.

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    • I barley see him that's why. He knows him highly insecure. With his friends they live next state and are just visiting. I've been trying to plan to see him for a few days now but all he does is say oh yeah maybe. Or oh yeah probably. But he's highly concerned to see them when they come this week. He has vacation days and he told me he wanted to hang out with me. He keeps making plans with me then cancels last minute. I'm being very patient but it seems like he doesn't want to see me. I don't see that as being insecure. I understand he has a life. I try to have one too but he's not initiating anything. I have to initiate everything.

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    • His idea? Do you mean with hanging out or in general? Because he's the one that asked me out and told me that he wants to tell me he loves me and that he's falling hard for me. He's the one that SMOTHERED me. But I'm a pushover and I go with the flow a lot. I dont know how to say no or to slow down. Like I said, I'll back off. But he's the one that showed a lot of interest but now I don't know. I do overthink, so I'll take your advice and back away. But I still think something else is up if a guy isn't making an effort like this. I will focus on myself in the meantime.

    • @moonbabe94 do you want a guy who smothers you? or is busy with other things besides you? Sounds like to me he is not that guy so you need to decide. it's only been one week. I get your side of the coin here but you all need to just slowwwww dowwnnnnn.

  • Honestly you can do wayyyyy better than that! You dont deserve that if he really cared about you he would do anything you ask, and honestly if a guy is not trying to see as much as he can then you are not a priority to him! Also what your asking for i not hard at all!

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    • So how do I address it to him?
      I already sent him a text asking if he's still going out tonight? Because he invited me. He keeps changing plans. First he wants to go see a movie, then he asks oh my friends might go out want to go, and now he disappeared. I want to know if we are still going? And if not let me know and I can pick him up to hangout and that I miss him.

      But he hasn't even replied to that. :/

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    • It's alway one sided relationships with me. Every single one is one sided. I asked him multiple times if he wants to be with me and he says yes. But why isn't he making the effort? He said he's been cheated on with all his relationships. I'm trying to be here and be open for him. I'm highly insecure and I dont trust anyone, but I told him I trust him. I'm working on my insecurity as well. But now i'm starting to go back to not trusting anyone anymore. I'm going to go to a movie by myself since he's ignoring me. I don't know what else to do. When I back off he comes back, but when I want affection he backs away and doesn't give it back. When he calls, I always call back. When I call, he ignores and decides if he wants to call or not. He's my first boyfriend and I'm not really enjoying this. I want to see him. He's on vacation, I offered to pick him up, but h'es not replying to me. He's making plans with someone else. He claims he really likes me, but it doesn't seem like it.

    • Yea you deserve. better drop him, you dont need that and you sound amazing!

What Girls Said 1

  • If you feel he isn't making effort or time for you that usually means thats exactly whats happening. Its not hard to see your SO. Try to talk to him and see what he has to say.

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    • So how do I address it to him? He claims people always leave him and he's been cheated on so many times. Also he's nervous to open up to me but thinks I'm with it. I'm trying to open up and trust him but he's making it hard. I just want to see him and he's not making effort at all. I invited him over my home and even offered to drive him and he doesn't want to. If he likes me so much why is he treating me this way? He's the one that asked me out.

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    • Yeah.
      I mean I've asked him this multiple times though.
      If he wants to be with me or like me because it doesn't seem like it. He says that's not the case. He's just shy, but I don't think it's because he's shy at all.

    • After awhile the excuses have to stop. When people pull this on me I tell them off. Im with you I dont like confrontation either but I get tired of being a doormat and letting people walk all over me and not taking my feelings seriously. Nagging? Girl no matter what us women do we always come off as naggy one way or another. Guys nag too though, keep that in mind. Maybe just break up with him? Why is it fair for him to be neglecting you and you feeling miserable?

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