Beginning long distance relationship. Need Hard advice?

I have been dating a guy for about 6 months. We both really like one another, a whole lot. However, we both have sordid pasts when it comes to hooking up (before we met). I was a bit of a slut & he slept around too (makes me nervous).
I finished college recently but he has another year. Distance between us is 7-9 hours depending on traffic (sAme time zone). He is worried that I will find another man because I'm entering into the professional world, and I am worried he will find another woman because he still had 8ish months in a party, college town. We both trust one another tremendously, but the anxiety of losing a great partner is something that never really goes away. We have not told each other we love one another yet but I can tell he feels that way and I believe he can tell I feel that way too

we are so used to seeing each other all the time that I am worried that the separation will cause him to veer off course and being a woman I'm also worried that the separation might cause me to (possibly inadvetantly) seek innocent attention elsewhere which often times can turn dangerous.

i would like COLD HARD responses, no cheery motivation self help bullshit. I would like REAL responses from people who don't beat around the bush


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What Guys Said 1

  • I wish I could give you better advice than this, but its the best i can give since i have not been in your situation. In my experience what helped me most with my girlfriend, was too actually do something super unusual... but proved to be really effective. We actually broke up before she moved away... we still loved eachother and we did it intentionally because we thought having a different mindset during our time away from eachother would make all the difference. And as weird as it sounds, it worked like a charm, but keep in mind that everyone deals with things differently... this is just what worked for us. We promised eachother to never ever cheat while we were away, and we even made distinct examples of what we were to consider as cheating. Think about this... which is harder? Leaving a friend? Or breaking up and leaving your bf? I think most people would agree with the second one. Since we were "just friends" we didn't hust as much when we departed, the whole situation seems a lot more chill... ya know? Not nerve racking at all. And i know what your thinking.."its basically still the same thing as a relationship"... but it didn't seem like that for us at all... we went all in on this, we really thought thr we were only friends. But we had strong trust, which i think made it possible. Trusted that we wouldn't cheat, and trusted that we would see eachother again. There will be times when you deeply miss him, embrace these moments and hold onto them as long as you can... dont try to distract yourself from them. some other stuff that helped was watching the same show together on TV at the same time, usin FaceTime a lot, sending funny videos to eachother on instagram... and most of all using snapchat helped a lot. When u are texting regualry u have no fuckingg clue what the other person could be doing or where they are. But using snapchat, even tho it seems lame to use at times... actually helped a lot with trust, and we felt very comfortable. There were times when my girlfriend would say that it barely felt like we were away from eachother at all, and it would just melt my heart. So to sum up... long distance is by all means very possible. and every couple will have different methods that will help them the most. This is just my story, i hope it helps... but most importantly, u guys know eachother best and know what will work, and what won't work. u guys totally got this👊... let me know if it makes sense!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Right you say you trust him yet you point out his past and that it's a party town for a start which doesn't sound like trust hun.
    also long distance is hard. You need to trust them 100% and have plans for how long it's going to last so you have an end goal in sight and how often you guys are going to see each other. Or its just going to be endless arguments between each other whose doing what and it will crumble.

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    • 3mo

      I mean to emphasize both our pasts. I didn't have much self respect (previously) and slept around as I presume he did. It is indeed a party town, but I'm living in a big city too so I feel like that situation is relatively equal. The end date is 8 months.

    • 3mo

      Well suppose that's a bit better but are you positive you trust him 100% as long distance is a big strain...
      And we'll that's a step in the right drection that it's for 8 months but what's after that? Decided how/when to visit?

    • 3mo

      He has a busy schedule. Working in hospital for rotation Monday through Friday 8am to 5pm. Because of that if he were to drive up for a weekend most of that time would be wasted driving and we would spend very little time together. I on the other hand will be making good money and have the ability to schedule days off to visit him for extended weekends.

      And in regard to the future, I think after dating for 6 months it would be a bit crazy on him or my part of either of us started asking the questions of "what exactly are we doing after you graduate" I don't expect to move in with him right away nor do I want to move in with him right away.

      I expect him to get a place in the city as I will have. I want to be close to him but I don't need to be smothering him

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