Why would you choose an open relationship?

Someone I know appears to be in an open relationship with their girlfriend. They broke up for almost a year after she cheated. Still shared living space. Now back together but allowed to have their fun on the side.

is this him just being so desperate to have her back?

what would make someone choose this?

They are also buying a place together.

just curious as to opinions on this and what's going on/why.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • They might still have wonderful sex together and love each other even though they desire other people and want a variety of partners. It seems very natural to me. Open relationship is more like a natural state of human being than a monogamous one.

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    • That's not to try to encourage this behavior. I'm a married guy after all and strictly monogamous. "Natural" doesn't always mean "right". But it is definitely natural for human beings to want a variety of partners, but maybe one who is loved above all others and others just for variety and flings. That's far more natural than monogamy which doesn't align with our evolutionary programming.

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    • 3mo

      @hellionthesage you know upon further reading your animal weapon theory I sort of understand what you mean. But I still believe there is a distinction between natural causes and man mad causes. What you have described is nature on a macro level. The natural tendency to network and make descisions as an agreagte whole. But there is still the individual desision. The man made one. The one we have 100% control over. That is not natural but rather a conscious decision outside of nature itself on a micro level. Now how it feed in into the natural order of thing collectively that we as individuals do not have control of. But the most important thing to take away here is being able to distinguish an individual from a collective. But yes there are grey areas where natural blends with unnatural.

    • 3mo

      @bvictor The human brain is a product of evolution, it is bound by the same rules that govern's all biological life on the planet. So advanced decision making is natural, risk aversion is natural without which all complex life would die ergo my statement stands we cannot pretend like some part of us is not natural and other parts are despite being created from the same materials in the same way under the same conditions and following the same rules as everything else. It is more advanced then other animals that is true, but its basis is the same. An old computer is less sophisticated then a new one but its still a computer. Same with the human brain it has all the same things as other animals but its basis is the same its simply an upgrade to a preexisting system. We are never without biological and environmental influences their is no 100% free decision/action, it is always influenced by biology and your environment.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I never understood why cheaters don't go for open relationships rather than a monogamous one and end up hurting someone.

    Personally I currently like the idea of an open relationship because I'm not too into serious relationships yet. Even if I don't sleep around with other people and just stay with him, I just find it to be much less stressing, worrying about if he's sleeping with others (which he probably obviously is) or him accusing me of sleeping with others, or him saying he feels uncomfortable when other guys talk to me, etc etc. And also I generally dont need to put as much into the relationship in general. It is a major stress saver, not a lot of tension, barely any argument if at all, and barely any jealousy if at all, but it's not something that I'd keep on doing all my life. I might settle down, don't really know yet though.

    As for his situation, I'm not quite sure, for her an open relationship is obviously the best option for her, but if the guy truly want an open relationship, I do not know. Maybe? Only he knows the answer to that.

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What Guys Said 16

  • Sounds like he can't let her go so he compromised in order to keep her by letting her have a "open" relationship. It won't last. He will eventually break up with her because he clearly wants a commited relationship and she does not so eventually he will no longer be able to pretend like everything is alright and will end it. She sounds like a terrible human being so don't know why he would stick around, maybe he is desperate and thinks no one else will want him. Either way its not going to last.

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  • I think it's natural go for a open relationship, but it requires a lot of communication. Personally I think that it's unrealistic to think that one human being can satisfy your every need for your entire life. It's natural to crave and want more/others, you will have an emotional bond with that one person more than anybody else but sometimes you just need something else to satisfy your body or satisfy what your lover cannot.

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  • Stupidity in my opinion. I know someone who was in an open MARRIAGE, tried to lecture me about how 'you're an idiot if you think a girl will never cheat on you', his 'wife' found herself a 'boyfriend' and she spent more nights there than at home. It's definitely easier for a girl to get a whole bunch of random dick.

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    • Someone actually tried to "lecture" you about that?

      http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/fr.gif

      uhhh...

      Did he have "girlfriends" too? Or just random cuck fetishist?

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    • 19d

      @redeyemindtricks Those rules are just a trip. I think it's amazing people don't hate their lawyers/attorneys more often.

    • 19d

      @SovereignessofVamps lol girly I'm in my forties, and I have tons of girlfriends... of course I know a decent amount about divorce. Shit happens.

      When you've been living as one household, and now you are suddenly trying to support 2 households with the same total income... yeah, people are gna suffer. It's mathematically inevitable.

      This is going to make me sound like a nuclear bitch, but, when it comes to guys with REALLY old-fashioned values -- like, they see their role as just being a "provider", and they place less importance on actually being an emotionally involved father and/or husband -- I really can't muster up a ton of sympathy, when they get smacked with alimony payments.
      I mean... it's like... they always just saw themselves as financial providers anyway, so, what the hell. lol. smh.

      It's the **emotionally involved** husbands (and wives) who are cut off and emotionally starved by divorce, that I have TONS of sympathy for.

  • Some people can have one committed partner and casual sex on the side. I've heard them say that it helps them control their urges which might otherwise result in cheating or getting bored in monogamy.

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  • I would certainly consider it. When times hit where I don't feel like having sex, she could get get it from her lover.

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  • I feel that a person can still have sexual desires with other people even in a relationship. For me, sex is just sex and if she wanted to fuck some other guys, she could.

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  • Because men are genetically programmed for polygamy, evolved over millions of years to have as many mates as possible while leaving behind women that slowly develop children, it only makes sense.

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  • Because it worked for us for 42 years... It is not for everyone

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    • 3mo

      how do you make it work?

    • 3mo

      We are both poly and trust each other no mater what we do not keep secrets from each other and confident of each others true love sex is just another way we have fun with each other and some of our friends... But like I said it is not for everyone ...

  • If I did it it'd be because I had no self respect.

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  • i would never accept that. sorry, i just can't

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  • I don't know i am not a relationship expert

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  • It's their decision. I'd rather be monogamous but that's just me.

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  • Life is short and I like to experience all I can, including other women. view that from a pragmatic point, and it makes more sense. If your spouse is included then nowhere from a biblical standpoint are you committing adultery nor are you coveting to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another’s property. to wish for, especially eagerly: So in an open relationship, you go out, play and come home, and you love you wife even more. For her it is the same. You just think of it as “Just Sex”, nothing more…

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  • Maybe he has a small penis.

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  • To taste different cunts at a time. Variety is the spice u know

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  • Use to that person and only way they can keep them is to let them be free

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What Girls Said 4

  • A lot of people have our opinion saying that open relationships are basically permission to cheat on each other. But sometimes in their point of view it's a perfectly good option. The only thing you can do is respect it and let things turn out on their own.

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  • No. I know a lot of people who did this when I was younger.. it was called seeing each other. People rarely saw other people but they could. It was too keep things less serious I believe. Buying a place together while doing this is weird unless one of them is buying it and the other is just living there/ or renting from them.

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  • I wouldn't.

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  • They want their cake and eat it too

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