Should I try to get with my dream girl that seems unattainable?

I've been in love with this girl forever. We dated twice, but she dumped me due to my own issues.

I've been casually "seeing" a couple other women since then, but my heart and mind are still with the first girl. We still talk from time to time and still love each other.

She said she'd be open to giving it another shot if I work on myself, and while I'd love that more than anything, a part of me feels like I'll never really make her happy and she'll just run away again because I do have so many issues.

Should I try to work on things or just cut my losses? Non-dick answers appreciated.


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What Girls Said 1

  • What issues are you having if I may ask? I won't be able to give you any sound advice with missing pieces of information. :)

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    • I have some pretty bad anger issues due to having gone to war :/ I hate it when I'm like that. I didn't used to be and don't want to go through my whole life being this guy.

    • PTSD? Or just anger? I'm really sorry to hear about it... My first thought was "WOMANIZER" :'). You said you're in love with this girl, obviously you are emotionally connected to her to a large extent, & it takes a while for a man to reach that stage. The fact that you feel like you're not "good enough", tells me that perhaps you still feel insignificant. The only way to cure insignificance or a little insecurity, is by starting to improve yourself & to be the best version of you that you can be... Do you have any career goals? What are you passionate about? I'd say that the only way to cure all of this pent up anger, is by starting with yourself first. I have a few suggestions & sources on my mind that might help you... First though: Career goals? Passions? :)

    • Yeah I was diagnosed with PTSD and TBI (traumatic brain injury) which can distort emotions, including anger. I guess I have had pretty poor self image since then and have always seen her as out of my league. When she left it just reminded me of how she's too good for me. But yeah, I've gotten my life on track a bit since I've gotten out and am working towards being a firefighter/medic.

What Guys Said 1

  • To me one of your issues is being in love with a girl you dated only twice.

    That said, if the feeling is there, and you have issues, you might as well work on them, whatever they are.

    If I might venture a guess, your ability to become so crazily obsessed with a girl might also be accompanied by some emotional issues and insecurities. If so, you might need to learn some mental discipline. You can't control your emotions so well but you can control your actions. It is possible to talk gently and cooperatively and seek mutual understanding even when you are very angry or upset, for example.

    In any case it might help me if I understand some of those issues. But it might also help to try to enjoy your life more at the moment, take things easy.

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    • Sorry I meant to say we gave dating a shot twice, not just went on two dates. Total we dated a couple years. But I have some pretty bad anger issues that scared her off, and while it completely sucked that she left, I can't say I really blame her.

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    • Thanks man, you've given me some of the motivation I've really been needing.

    • Cheers. And you can practice this everywhere. Next time you're totally pissed off at someone, whoever it is, try to calm yourself down and force yourself to take a cooperative and diplomatic action.

      The peak of this kind of emotional control does not say, "I behaved poorly because [...]". You might have had your buttons pushed all over the place, but the "because" part is when you start failing, because the peak does not excuse poor behavior on any account. It requires you to be the bigger person at times, absorbing some unfair treatment here and there.

      But doing it will actually make it easier to get along with everyone, and even in the impossible cases, it'll get more people to ally with you than the person treating you very unfairly.

      Anyway, hope you can get with that girl you care so much about. Good luck!

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