Boyfriend lost his job, was himself for a while and now getting distant, what do I do?

My boyfriend &I were together in new relationship bliss & he lost his job. He had been there 30 years. He was making good money & many benefits. He was holding up well, though I knew inside it had to be tough. I was right because 1 night he was very upset with me over a due to a misunderstanding. He broke up. It was for almost 2 weeks & he realized I had not given up on him, & I had acted in love. He came back to me and apologized for his actions. We had a wonderful reunion. That was almost two wks ago. He is still out of work, the strong job lead is dragging their feet contacting him, his lease renewal looming & the ever growing sense of this could be a situation he might need to relocate. That hit him (I literally SAW it all hit him) and he realllly pulled away. He has not cancelled any plans, he has been loving in our contact but there is a definite difference. Last night I went over to his house with the intention of being light and fun... as I have been since this began... after all he has enough on his plate. On his own he brought up what is on his mind. As we started to talk, I asked him to let me know at any point if he felt pressure because I just didn't feel that he needed any pressure added to his plate right now. Down the road yes, right now no. Anyway, he admitted that he loves me and is in love with me, but is struggling due to his situation... he is concerned he might have to move out of where he lives, even relocate and that is on his mind. Additionally, though he is very very glad we are back together at this moment he is not fully where he was before he broke it off and wants to continue to move slowly. He said is just in a place he doesn't know what the next move is. I tried to listen more than talk, and did tell him that I was behind him no matter what. Because I didn't want to put pressure on him, but last night scared me. Are we done or is this just something to wait out. Today he has a phone interview w/the people who were dragging their feet.

Updates:
3mo Thank u for these responses and I ask that they keep coming. I want to do the right thing, and yet not live in limbo. He is still in that pulled back place today so I have been lovingly distant... letting him know I am there, but not hovering either. It would be easier if I knew he was in or out more solidly but for now I guess the wait is mine as well. ANY further counsel is welcome! Thank you

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Most Helpful Guy

  • VERY serious hit to his self esteem. That can really mess a person up. Be strong... he may need your strong support to help him carry the burden. Once he gets another job and gets back in the groove, he should be back to being himself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Overwhelmed, Rejected, Unsettled... all things he is experiencing. I think he just needs time to absorb it...

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What Guys Said 1

  • He sounds depressed, not like he's given up on you.

    For men, especially those born before the Millennial generation, working and providing a stable home is a HUGE part of our identities. Losing one's job -- especially when you have trouble finding a new one -- is a major hit on one's self-worth, and it gets in one's head. It's embarrassing, and it leads to thinking like, "I don't deserve her," and "She'd be better off with out me."

    Letting him know you're there, being supportive and encouraging but not intrusive or pushy is, in my opinion, the best thing to do for him. HOWEVER, he needs to keep moving forward. It's not fair to you to put your needs and life on hold indefinitely for him. At some point, if he doesn't realize what he has in you and decides instead to continue to wallow in self-pity, you need to let him go.

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What Girls Said 1

  • He's down on himself all you can do is help him get back on his feet and just support him, don't baby him but still need his help with various things

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