I'm in college right now. I don't use social media, tinder, or any other multi-media platform to find women. I do it the old-fashioned way in which I meet women face to face and ask them if they want to go on dates. I look to build on relationships and this takes time for me. I'm not one for hooking up and I do not go to bars to meet women. Currently I've asked women to join me for coffee and the results were positive. Now I currently want to ask a women out for dinner to a restaurant, pick up the check, etc (similar to what your parents would have done at the time). The only problem is, I'm nervous because I feel like this isn't the way dating works now. My question is: is my method of dating outdated? Am I being too traditional or chivalrous? Would this be seen as too eager or too pushy? Are modern college women (US) into men who ask them out on dates that does not require hooking up, alcohol, or the bar scene?
I guess I just wasn't made for these times.
Most Helpful Girl
Who cares if it's outdated! If that's what works for you go for it! I agree 100% That's exactly what I would do if I chose to date, not getting peoples numbers to strangers you don't know! But I want to know that person as a friend before jumping into a serious relationship. Because if we have conflicting views, forget it.1
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Most Helpful Guy
To me the good part of old-fashioned is approaching women in person, becoming acquaintances, and asking to hang out. Awesome.
You'll tend to find better girlfriend material that way than in places that often pit the two sexes against each other (dating site, night club, bars) which often favor a lot more superficiality since people go far more by first impressions.
The bad part where you *do* need to go edgy here usually is how you are dating once you got the girl on a date.
The girl has to desire you sexually. That's the goal if she's not already desiring you or at least quite curious about you sexually. That applies even if you want to marry her. A girl is not going to marry a guy she doesn't desire or is at least strongly curious about sexually. At the heart of romantic desire is still lust, same for us guys.
Coffee and dinner dates and being chivalrous doesn't necessarily plant the seed of sexual desire. For this you do have to learn when to turn off gentleman mode a bit, learn to playfully touch the girl, tease her, joke with her, share intimate thoughts with her. The physical and emotional bonding will build trust and get her to lower her guard, and at that point you generally need to be able to seduce her with your touch. You have to learn how to turn up the heat.
And for this, it can often be helpful to not just stick to coffee and dinner tables but do some activities where you two have a closer physical proximity and can touch each other more easily. Anything from strolling around side-by-side to doing physical things together like ice skating or sitting next to each other on a scary ride at an amusement park (the adrenaline rush is also a nice icebreaker and transition to something more intimate) can do the trick.
So to me it's your dating that might need some work and some mental adjustment on how to woo a girl and make her desire you sexually. Otherwise, awesome.1
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