I don't think dating is possible for me... what's wrong?

Listen, I'm a shy girl but once I actually get to talk to you I'm a fun person! I know for a fact I'm not pretty. Anyways, I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend. I know it's sad, but I just don't understand. I mean, I have some guys go out of their ways to talk to me and they flirt sometimes, but that's it. When I look for guys their not around. Yet when I least expect it they come around. Yes, it's nice but once I develop a crush... usually nothing comes from it. Then after guys that 'seem' to take interest in me, I slightly hold back because I'm sure nothing will come from it 'cause that's always what it's been like for me. So why bother getting my hopes high when I know I'll just get hurt or just a girl they talk to. I guess it's fun to flirt when their bored. I don't know anymore. Lately, I've given up on the whole boyfriend thing cuz I just don't think it'll happen. There's this one boy in particular that I want to like, but I'm sure he's not even flirting with me because he's way out of my league. I just hate the feeling of getting my hope up just to have it taken away from me, y'know. What do I do? And what's wrong with me?

Updates:
3mo @all- Wow guys, thanks so much. You are all the sweetest people ever. The advice you given me is greatly appreciated, thanks! 😊

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Have a little (actually far, far) more faith in you and get the job done once you start it. Don't dump someone because you lose hope. Have a good attitude and it shall be only a matter of time before you get ur boyfriend. The only thing wrong with you is your fear of failure. But it's not a life test, just fun flirting so take it easy, relax. Experiment. If someone treats you bad or pushes you away it's a jerk. "It" will happen unless you give up. "he's way out of my league" Oh really? Do you mind proving yourself wrong? Cmon be a daring girl, guys like it, as far as you're not becoming a rushing bulldozer of course. Go ahead. Your sweet shy personality is something many people, men too, tend to like (I like that). It's not just about good looks and fancy cars, you know? Plus you can always work on your looks, work out, have a healthy lifestyle, light make up if u need it and so and so on. Give yourself the right to try. Don't hope, just try, try, try, experiment, have fun, and put aside your stress. Be free ;)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well you mentioned you're shy and you have some self-esteem issues such as thinking that you're ugly. Maybe if you changed your outlook about yourself, you wouldn't have an issue in dating.

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What Guys Said 18

  • There is nothing wrong with you. It is just hard to find a good guy that wants to get to know you for you when your shy. When they flirt and you hold back they soon start feeling like you don't like it. So they stop and lose interest even when your holding back try to encourage them at least a little bit.
    Try joining a club small group hobby group or a church young adult group so you can get to know the guys and see who you like in a freindly environment where you can see who they are and get to be relaxed around them.

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  • Just give up traditiona dating, I did at age 17 and never regretted it. Meet guys in volunteer projects or classes, someplace where you can get to know them without any pressure to get into a relationship, and you can watch how they relate to other people--whether they are reliable and truthful and discipline, or lacking in any of those qualities.

    MANY people now, more than when I was 17, have reached the conclusion that English aristocrat-formed rules don't apply to modern people.

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  • What do you think about yourself, as a woman, wanting a guy, a relationship, maybe more?
    I think maybe you are 'self-sabotaging' yourself, not loving yourself, enough to let anyone love you!
    It's pretty common, but it is easy to fix!! :)

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  • Then don't date... for now!
    Better suited for you to JOIN co-ed groups and bump into more easily guys that can be more confident to BE with you = same as a date, actually. Begin with groups that need your contributions, then expand out into things you know nothing about but are "hands on" guys, e. g. dance classes, which will soon offer tons of social opportunities that require guys to invite gals like you.

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  • Yea I think we're kind of in the same shoes, Except I'm younger, I'm a bit shy, but not that shy anymore, but I'm still shy tho, Girls normally just make eye contact with me N smile a little N they expect me to make the first move, but I never do... Ohh well. I'll just stay single

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  • Just keep at it. The way you describe yourself it's really only a matter of time. If you give up then you will end up being that crazy cat lady who posts on gag about feminism all day. Why do you think that dude is out of your league?

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  • Why do you hold back when someone shows interest? Just like everything in life, you gotta tell take chances, in the mean time don't worry about it and just love yourself.

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  • First of all dont think that every guy will be the same. If you are a fun person as you said try to use this advantage, quality guys usually fall in love not because of a girls beauty they fall in love because of a girls behaves and SINCERTY. If you are a girl who can write like this beautiful text as i wrote your job is not very hard. Good luck :)

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  • I'm the very same lol😂but I'm extremely shy and only talk to close friends , been single for the longest time 😱. nothing's wrong with you, sometimes you have to take charge and let people know you like them😊.

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  • I also don't think dating is possibility for me, and I've never had a girlfriend.
    But I don't really step back from anything, I just naturally let it fall as expected on its own. Stepping back is probably you're biggest issue. If you step back nothing will happen.

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  • If you dont take jump you never know what's beneath. Learn to stop living on the safe side and take chances. Get out of your comfort zone, turn the shower on the cold side, run into a sea, try new drink and funny food. You will be happier.

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  • Your negative outlook is the reason

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  • There's nothing wrong.

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  • U interested in dating Jeb Bush?

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  • More self-confidence and a better attidue would help.

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  • I didn't date until I was in my 30s... Now everyone my age is a Christian woman with kids born out of wedlock. I've all but given up.

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  • I am in a very similar situation except im shy and have social anxiety. Not sure what to do :/

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  • Sure you'll have one before 30

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You just seem very shy. Shy to the point where your shyness is holding you back and having a major negative impact on your relations with other people You also sound like you overanalyze.

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    • 3mo

      You have no idea how much I over analyze everything... it's kinda sad now that you mention it. No matter how much I try not to be shy, it becomes harder. I question everything and in return just makes me look like I don't care about the person, which is not the case at all. I just want to be liked, haha! Thanks for the help! It's much appreciated.

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    • 3mo

      Or set it up to where you pull the info out of him by asking him what he's doing that weekend lol

    • 3mo

      Yeah omg I'm glad I asked haha. Probably bringing my friends is a good idea. Thanks for the help! :)

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