Lady turns down a date, but wants to be friends. Continue to pursue or not?

Scenario: lady and I are acquaintances, I asked her out and she said no. But she's strongly indicated she'd like to be friends, even though I certainly wouldn't call us friends before I asked her out.

Now my first instinct is to just respect her wishes and drop it, accept the friendship - she rejected the date, and her feelings aren't going to change.

Alternatively, I do wonder if perhaps she would want to get to know me a bit better before going on a date; likes to be 'hard to get' etc. Also when I saw 'continue to pursue' I don't mean pestering her, simply whether I should just forget about romance totally, or should I put it on the backburner for now but keep it as a possibility.

  • Be friends, try for romance again in the future
    39% (14)16% (5)28% (19)Vote
  • Drop the romance, just accept friendship
    61% (22)84% (27)72% (49)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
3mo Update: I understand where many of you are coming from, that I shouldn't even try for friendship. However she's a lovely lady, and someone I would like to get to know better even if nothing further ever develops. I'm aware some women (and I imagine some men) can be manipulative in wanting people around them as friends, only to get jealous when a relationship forms etc. I don't believe that's the case here, but certainly something to be aware of.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can keep telling yourself that she's going to be a good friend to you but honestly it's going to hurt you more than it will ever hurt her. Your hardon for her isn't ever going to go away. Meanwhile you'll be subconsciously bypassing other women secretly hoping things between you develop. Don't waste your time bruh.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's no need for friendship. You asked her out because A). You were interested in a romantic way or B). You wanted to fuck. If she's not a friend of a friend or Co-worker there's no need to be friends. Soon enough she'll be telling you stories about the guys she's sleeping with and all that fun stuff your not getting. Granted she seems like a girl you say you want to get to know but did you really pursue her to just be friends? If you answered yes to thst then you answered your own question yourself already.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Keep pursuing, but let her see that you have other options. Go out with your mates, etc. Post pictures of you & your friends, just have fun with your life. She won't be interested if she sees that you have a dull life... However, being outgoing will make you 100 times more desirable. It WORKS, because it works on me. It works on men too. Don't be manipulative about it though, let it be genuine, i. e., because you WANT it for yourself. Improve yourself, your life, make new friends... Do you have a lot of female friends? :]

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  • You need to ask her that yourself and question why she reject you. If she can't give you not one reason that is valid, and wither or not she would like to get to know you better. Move on. Don't keep pursuing somebody who is never going to consider you dating/marriage material. They have to at least give you a chance for you two to get to know each other as friends first. So unless she just senses your not the right kind of person for her for bad reasons, for an example: She knows you jump from relationship to relationship in less than 24 hours, its her call. You asked her, not the other way around. Just find somebody else if you can't deal with it.

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  • "B" is Better for Now Somehow, here, dear.
    Start with Friends First and See if by Getting to Know you 'Better,' she might Change her Mind and Maybe even give you a Chance, for not only a Date But... Romance.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Voted B. If your age is accurate, she's likely not playing games and just wants to be friends. Don't pursue anything.

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  • just be friends, but don't hangout again before meeting someone else you're REALLY into to avoid your feelings developing any deeper and ending up hurt.

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  • She keep you as a second choice

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  • Drop the romance. if you want to be friends then take the friendship and get that that is what it is, if you don't want to be friends then walk away. In order for something to work both people have to feel the same way... friendships too.

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  • No no no! She already said no.

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  • I'd drop both. Don't be a jerk, but don't waste time on her if your looking for a girlfriend.

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  • I would forget it about and move on. You asked her out if she was interested she would of said yes. You have a lot of females that like to play games knowing that you like her she wants to be friends. Spending time with her might further your feelings for her that part is up to you. But i've heard guys say how a female turned them down and they ended up as friends when they started seeing someone else the girl showed that she was jealous or one incident the girl tried to sabotage the relationship. If you didn't start off as friends there is no reason to be friends.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Forget the friendship with her. She wants to play you by her own rules, your opinion & feelings don't matter to her.

    If you want her to use you as the back burner guy, then sure do wait for her, but don't be surprised if her heart gets broken she comes to your shoulder to cry, pretend that she's interested and leave you when another interesting prospect appears before you, after all you were just a friend to her.

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  • Be friends. See just how much of a friend she actually turns out to be, or if she was just letting you down easily.

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  • You didn't put the option that's the only answer:

    "Cease all contact."

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  • C, other.

    Don't be friends and don't pursue, just stop seeing her. Otherwise you're just going to get hurt and miss out on other women.

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  • i would just go back to being acquaintances.

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  • stay friends with her and check out her girl friends to see if there are any hot girls there. if not too bad.

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  • It's part of the weird head games women are famous for. She wants ONLY to be your friend while she perform fellatio on the creep that dogs her around all the time. It's a fact of life unfortunately. You will never figure out the mind of a female homo sapiens no matter how intelligent you really are.

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  • Okay Dude... Here's a reality pill.. She's not interested in you and said that trying to be nice... You should move on. I doubt she wants to be your friend either

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  • Whatever floats your boat. In would stop being friends as well. Just pain in the ***.

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  • Neither choice works. You need to remove her from your life completely.

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  • You missed out the option of ''forget the romance and ignore her forever''

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  • You should send her a dick pic every day until she agrees to go out with you. If she loves them, it will work. If she hates them, it will also work.

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  • BAIL OUT BAIL OUT HEART BREAK IMMINENT

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  • forget about her and move on not worth it

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  • I'm in this same sinario. I chose "B." PM me if you wish.

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  • So she friendzoned you. Pursue her

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  • I say go with neither one and go with someone else.

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  • My personal view is you should go in with ABSOLUTELY NO expectation that she will ever change her mind about sexual attraction to you. Even if theoretically is IS possible (which I acknowledge) you MUST run under the assumption that it isn't and REALLY believe that.

    So I'd say there's one and ONLY one reason to accept a (real) friendship with her. IF she happens to give you access to a pool of attractive women to date, then (and ONLY then) should you consider really forming a friendship with her. If she can't get you laid then you shouldn't waste your time.

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  • Dude just drop her lol. You did the do and she rejected it. Dont embarass yourself anymore. Better yet, just ignore her from now on. If she shows the slightest unhapinness about your recent behaviour, then you know she "sort of " likes you.

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  • Drop the romance, just accept friendship

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