Ok so there's this guy and we've hung out a few times. The third time or something he wanted to kiss me but I said I wasn't sure I should because I knew the girl he used to date and at the time I wasn't sure that I liked him in that way. Move ahead a bit, we talked about the whole ex-girlfriend thing and I said that I didn't care because i wasn't very close with her but that I didn't want just like a friends with benefits or hookup kind of thing. (This was all over text) Then last night we hung out again and we did start kissing but then I starting to worry that he only wanted a friends with benefits kinda thing or only liked me in that way while I was started to like him as more than that, so we stopped. Looking back though I kinda regret it- like I don't think he was forcing any thing on me or necessarily treating me like a just a hookup. (like if I moved his hand away then he respected that) and I don't know but I feel like he might like me- not just want a hookup. But I feel like I've messed anything with him up, turning things down with him twice, I don't know. What should I do, I really wanna fix it?
He may feel discouraged since you've turned him down. If I were you, and this is something that you seriously would like to pursue, I would be straight forward with him. You know all of that stuff about how guys can't take hints? It's mostly true, especially when we've been turned down. Be honest with him. Tell him about how you feel and that you'd like to try. It sounds like you would like to take things slow, and you mentioned that he respected that notion, so tell him that. Make it clear that you don't want this be a hookup.
If you had to turn him down twice, its a sign that says it wasn't meant to be. I believe you did the right thing and that he was rushing into something you was not prepared for. I know you feel guilty now, but you would have been worse off if you had accepted it. You weren't ready for a relationship and you weren't sure if you were ready with him. If you two would have went further over lust and feelings you two would have regretted it. He sounds like he's only interested in sex and nothing too serious. He was prepared to do so from the get go, and that was a sign of no-no. Once again, don't feel too bad. You did the wise thing. Plus you barely know him! Not a good idea. That's not even what you call a friend. That is a poor suitor.
Ok. Well my first thing to say is to think twice about everything. I'm gonna give you two ways that this could be looked at and its up to you to choose the one you trust more.
First one, he could actually like you and doesn't just want friends with benefits. Now you should be able to see that through his eyes, the way he talks, his behavior. If so you can try to talk to him about it and how you were just being over protective and don't want to go too fast. Any guy should understand that and respect you and if he likes you he should continue dating you and try to bring everything back to normal and make you comfortable.
Second way-he could be lying to you and just wants you for sex/you are property to him. For all you know this guy could be like that cause they try to get stuck in your head and say nice things about you and how he respected you moving his hand away and stop kissing, that's all to make you feel like he is legit but in the end it's all so he can fuck you and make out with you. Think about it, a guy that treats girls like property and just for sex would definitely be willing to lie straight to your face in order to get you to trust him. Then when you finally open up to him ya have sex and before you know it the guy dumps you and treats it as if he never met you. Sounds like a real story right
Now I'm not saying that this guy is doing this but it's always better to think twice about things and not just assume everything's good cause this world has messed up people in it. You don't deserve to be abused/used so you have to be careful and protect yourself from potential manipulates. It's really up to you cause you know him in person and you have to go with your guts not your heart. Do you feel like you will regret it if you don't try to solve this problem with him? Then go solve it and try dating and see where it goes-he could be a great guy and love you. Or do you feel concerned that he could've using you for sex? Then either stop seeing him or kinda test the guy out with different tricks and see if that gives you a more clear answer.
Have more questions or stuff to discuss than just reply and I'd be more than happy to help you.
What you should do is stop having "discussions" about serious issues via text messages. That is a poor way to communicate on topics that have significant emotional content. You need to have a face-to-face discussion about expectations and desires.
Quite simply you don't he does not want a relationship. He told you that he only wants freinds with benifits. So you don't need to take him out of the freindzone. Also it sounds like since your kissing him that he is not in your freindzone. The freindzone is where you think of him like your brother. No romantic attraction at all. All he wants from you is sex. At 17 you should not go for just freinds that have sex. You should go for a nice relationship with a guy that wants to work for you and take you to prom. All he wants is into your pants with as little effort put out as necessary.
This is really easy. Just talk to him and say you are sorry that you were so flaky and you would like to see him again. That should do it.
Stop worrying about messing up relationships with stupid stuff like this. It happens all the time and we just laugh it off. On about the third or date with my wife, I was sure she wanted to be kissed (I was right) and I tried but she was really nervous and it didn't happen. I remember thinking "that was a bit weird" but we had another date and ended up making out for about an hour.
no i wouldn't worry about it. a smart man knows most women change girls all the time and are VERY indecisive... so a smart man is pretty laid back about those gear shifts and doesn't even take breakups too seriously... on the same token, it also means YOU won't be taken too seriously by a smart man... to keep calm about such nonsense requires we have a FEW of you and rotate during the freak out spells of each. lol
However, since you're both prolly 17-18, he doesn't know this-and he'll likely just react to whatever you throw at him, so just be sweet, make clear you ARE interested and quit worrying so much about DEFINING IT and let it happen-if it feels like "just a hookup" slow it down, etc... but having all these committees in your head based on fears alone tends to backfire on women, j/s
I do not know what to suggest to you, but if I was in his position I would kick you to the kerb and move on. Perhaps when he is older, he will come to understand that the Friend Zone is a place of desolation from which no man returns. When a woman puts a man in the Friend Zone, it is time for him to move on and not look back.
Maybe make plans for an old fashioned date? Ask him to go ice skating. If he likes you romantically I'm sure he'd like to go on a date where you won't be making out (at least at first) and you do an activity while talking.
What is messing things up is your thoughts. You are afraid and scared to move forward because of them. What would help is an honest conversation about how you feel about things. This will help clear things up and answer any questions you may have. It is a talk that needs to happen. Avoiding the discussion will only make those thoughts continue to linger in your mind.