I have been seeing this guy for a while and he was very slow to make a move despite us having talked about wanting eachother sexually many times. When the time finally came that we took things further he finished very quickly, and has every time since. He would say he wanted sex as well but we never did, until recently. He seemed uncomfortable and told me to be ready to disappointed and apologized in advance for finishing so soon. It dawned in me that all if his hesitation to make a move and be open sexually was insecurity about his performance ( and maybe size as well). However I really care about him and this doesn't bother me. I still am very interested in him and want him to feel comfortable. How do I react when he says something about his performance again and how do I make him confident?
Most Helpful Guy
You start by talking to him about it OUTSIDE the bedroom, in a very matter-of-fact way. You want to reassure him that you really just want him to be happy and comfortable with you - which in the long run, should improve his performance by him not being so anxious. You might also mention that if he'd like your help in working on lasting longer or whatever, that you'd be willing to try things with him - different positions, different techniques, etc., and that he shouldn't be shy about discussing things with you or bringing new ideas to the table.
Essentially, you want to remove his anxiety and any remnants of his reasons to avoid talking about it or working on it.
And if you notice that things are improving, give him some positive feedback. Tell him when it feels good. Tell him when he'd found "the right spot." Don't lie or exaggerate, but anytime he does something genuinely good, make sure you let him know that you noticed. That will give him motivation to do better.
Don't be afraid to ask for things yourself either. If he's having trouble lasting with intercourse, you can have him finger you or give you oral before you start, perhaps giving you some orgasms first, so that you're better satisfied when he gets his.
It sounds like you are patient and open-minded, which is excellent and very helpful, so if you just do the other things I've mentioned, you should see SOME improvement before too long. He may never give you a marathon sex session, but if he can work up to 5-10 minutes, that should be a big improvement...5