My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months... our 1 year is coming up and everything is going great. We both see a future together and he likes to talk about us growing old and our kids etc etc. We even talked about wedding stuff.
Unfortunately I am dealing with intense relationship anxiety. I've always had it but now it is just getting worse as our relationship becomes stronger and longer. I won't tell him my fears and worries because im afraid he will be annoyed or won't want me any longer.
I guess because of my past relationship I am scared. My ex boyfriend told me he loved me and then randomly texted me one day saying he doesn't want me anymore, and that he was sorry for making it seem like he loved me when he never did... then 3 weeks later he has a new girl who he probably knew while we were together.
There are days where my current boyfriend won't text back because of whatever reason (work or with friends) and I will internally freak out or I will think and wonder of he truly loves me like he says. Or if im a burden to him because he is 4 years older, has an appartment, is out of college and has a car. I live with my parents, and am in college, and don't have a car yet. He live 39 mins away from me and is constanly surrounded but women who have good jobs and have their lives together.
I want to stop this thinking before I ruin everything. The thing is, he makes me feel extremly loved always tells me he's in it for the long haul and that he's not going anywhere. ... I realize I have nothing to worry about but I still worry when we are appart. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? I want to believe relationship can work out and i want to love without worrying.
How can I stop thinking he's gonna leave and play with my heart? I need some sense talked into me by people who have or have not gone through this.
Also, Im planning on openly sharing some of my feelings to my him this week. Wish me luck!
Most Helpful Guy
"The first step is to TALK to him about this. No matter what the outcome of that conversation is, you will inevitably feel better after it's over."
I don't mean to plagiarize, @Fathoms77 but this is clearly the answer.
Asker, you are not only risking your relationship with your insecurity, but also by concealing it from your boyfriend. While it's still your burden to deal with, he CAN help you if he knows what's going on, and that will make it easier for you to carry the load.
But you also need to seek some professional help, because this is a serious problem - but a TREATABLE one - and your whole life will be better if you learn how to manage your insecurity in a healthier way, and professionals can help you with that.
The other thing that will help is working hard in improving your life situation - which you are already doing by going to college. Hopefully you have a real, realistic plan for a post-college career and aren't just taking some liberal arts degree, but you need to do well in school and prepare for post-graduation - internships or job-seeking or whatever.
It's okay that you don't have a lot of money, live at home and don't have a car right now - TONS of college kids don't have those things either; it's normal. But if you're going to make those sacrifices, you need to make it WORTH IT by doing well in meaningful coursework and having a plan to use your degree in a lucrative career when you're done. Doing THAT will really be a boost to your self-esteem and self-worth, too.13
Most Helpful Girl
I am 35 and still suffer from this. I literally made my boyfriend walk out on me because of my insecurities. I've tried to pinpoint over and over where my lack of fear and trust have come from and I'm still working on that. It's good that you understand where yours comes from and I also understand that it's hard to get out of your own head. Over thinking and causing issues that aren't even there or should never had become an issue in the first place is a sure way to lose someone that seems to totally be about you. Do you know how hard that is to find? Think about the women he's worked with and remember he probably worked with them before you came along and he still chose you, that says something. It's important to have trust and communication in a relationship to make it work and there are ways you can talk about your feelings with him without insult him or fearing he isn't going to accept your illness and ditch ya. If he wants you, he will want to do anything to keep you. Stay positive and you will get the reassurance and security that you need. I wish you all the luck.3