My boyfriend became my best friend and I became so comfortable with him. But the love we felt in the beginning is gone. How do I accept its over?

My boyfriend and I were so happy and in love for about 7 months. And then my boyfriend went to a wedding and realized he was never going to get to that point with me and didn't want to stay with me forever. At first I was devastated. We tried to stay together for about a month and then ended up breaking up but still hanging out. That happened about a month ago. I am still hurting a lot because I'm having a hard time accepting that those feelings we had in the beginning aren't going to come back and that we will never be that happy and in love again.

We both feel the change but knowing it can't go back is hurting me a ton more than it's hurting him. I'm not as in love or blissful but I also don't want to lose him from my life. I want to try to make it work and to bring those feelings back but he's adamant that we can't do that. He says he still cares about me very very much but he knows he doesn't want to be with me forever.

We took the label off and because of the decreased pressure things felt good again, I thought we were falling in love again but he said it was just because the pressure was gone that he could feel comfortable acting that way again. How do I accept we can't fix it? What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think what happened is doubt entered in and that broke the emotional connection. Remove the doubt and feelings my came back to some level. Initial feelings change and mellow which is normal. Doubts about getting married are normal and maybe you aren't a match. Also normal that once the pressure is off, he feels better... typical for guys... we don't like emotional strain and pressure.

    But do you understand why he feels that way and have yo ulearned about yourself... what you need and what he needs that is different.

    Was the relationship emotionally strained.

    I'd get counseling both so you can talk through this stuff. its ok to end it, just end it in a good way so you are both better off. Its still going to hurt for a while.

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    • 3mo

      I am trying so hard to understand why he feels that way but he can't explain it. Do you think we should keep hanging out without the pressure and see what happens or just cut it off and end it? I am very torn on what to do.

    • 3mo

      If he can't express it, then you can't figure it out. A counselor soemtimes can help. For guys, it is usually emotional in some nature, he doesn't feel for you (like maybe you are a relative), or not sure what he wants, or doesn't accept you as you are... whats interesting is you back down the pressure and it works.

      knows he doesn't want to be with you forever... ok... if he can't explalin that, then you probably have to let him go. It is hard to switch to friends only. I've done it, it can work, but doesn't always work. And when you/he finds someone else, having those old boyfriend around is a problem. Probably have to move on, but try to get him to talk...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Erm... Well the only thing you can do is to move on. I know it hurts a lot, but these kinds of things can't be fixed. You can always keep in touch with him though, both of you can still hang out but it's the matter of if he wants you to remain in his life as a friend. If you really don't want to lose him, you don't have to. Just be careful, because he may not feel the same way about staying friends. I'm not an expert when it comes to relationships but I do know that with time, you won't feel so hurt anymore. Good luck ! :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • Are you the same? Is he the same? If yes then no its not gone what happened is the drugs your brain has been releasing for the past six months have worn off, now its up to you to get back to the way things are which requires work. You have been coasting so far now this is where the actual relationship starts, the communication, the putting in effort into the relationship etc. Then eventually those feelings come back and then some but only if you both work at it.

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  • It sounds as if your boyfriend is afraid to attach to people... as soon as the pressure is gone he feels great.
    But when you take him to a wedding and he realizes that's what he may be up to as well, he closes up and gets a bad feeling :o
    Nevertheless, if you still love him deeply in your heart, try to continue to talk about it. He probably feels the same but if afraid of the situation that may bring :o

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  • He says he "deosn't want to be with you forever"... does he mean he just doesn't want to get married and you do or is it because he wants other women? Because if it's just a marriage issue that's fixable. Just sit down and talk about it with him. I don't believe you have to be married for a long happy life together and I assume he feels the same way.

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  • That's just an excuse. He likely just found out things he can't accept about you. That's what dating is for.

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    • 3mo

      I asked him what I can change to fix it because that's what I assumed too and he said there's nothing I can do and that we just can't fix it.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      I'm not anymore promiscuous than him. And I've definitely never had an abortion lol

    • 3mo

      men dont care how promiscuous they are. that doesn't matter. its obviously not your personality since your friends and you still hang out and i imagine have sex.

  • I think the only way is finding another guy so you can love again.

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  • its over and at least h was honest be happy damn it :p

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  • I'm sure one day you'll find someone perfect for you who loves you unconditionally 😘😎 you're young and pretty, life is just beginning.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you! But I am not that young I feel like I should be getting married soon! 😩 Haha

    • 3mo

      23? You have at least a few years to take it slow.

    • 2mo

      lol. so you should find a poor guy to carry all your long gained bargain and "save" you? is that even a reason to marry?

What Girls Said 6

  • He's basically told you straight up that you're wasting your time with him. It's best to stop hanging out with him because there's no way to get over him if you're spending a lot of time with him, especially if you guys are still hooking up. You'll have all those feelings of happiness and love but it's gonna be with someone else, after you've moved on from this guy.

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  • You need a vacation or some kind of get away with friends and time away from him.

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  • Try to see yourself first and get rid of him for a while. He will be crawling back to u

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  • What a pus

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  • You have to move on. The only way you can do that is no to very limited contact. It will be very hard but you can do it

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  • You should stop seeing him. You have to accept that you can no longer be together. You also need some time to heal away from him, so do not contact him no matter how much you want to. You need to move.

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