Should I dump this guy because the sex is disappointing?

Controversial question I know, but here’s my situation: I’ve been dating this amazing this guy for nearly 3 months. We were taking things slow, getting to know each other and our connection deepened. And so, it got to the point where we both felt ready to start sleeping together.

Now, sex is important for me; I enjoy it and I enjoy discovering what other people’s turn-ons are (and vice versa). I am very happy to teach, so long as it’s taken on board over time; sex is a two-way street. I also only believe in having sex with someone you have gotten to know, and have a bond with (hence my current guy).

Anyway, without going into detail, the sex is disappointing. I have told him what I like, ideas, and what he likes to do but he’s very dominant and likes doing things his way. He’s not inexperienced either. I’ve explained this to him sensitively, and he seemed to understand, but there’s been no change. We’ve slept together five times now.

Even STRANGER there’s also been a shift in his affection; before we were holding hands when we were out, or he’d put his arm round me. He doesn’t do this anymore. When he does show affection, it’s only because he’s thinking about sex and it’s when we’re alone at his or mine.

What gives? What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • when i first saw this headline i was assuming I would post my regular, "If your partner is bad in bed then you are bad in bed." The reason I usually say this is because great sex is about luck or communication, either you luckily find someone with exactly the same "style" as you or you have to communicate to each other and learn each other. However it seems you have actually tried this, you can't really do anymore. He obviously isn't really considered with your pleasure and never will be. Selfish people dont become not selfish suddenly. If you threaten to brak up with hm he may change for a short time, but he will go back.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Without being a couple here, dear, Dating for '3 months, and Hopefully Counting, it appears there is No Open Lines of Convo where You both Could and Should... Compromise.
    Either sit Down and Work this out AGAIN, Telling him Where it is at, as Perhaps Potential Partners in the future, or Leave and Find Someone who you can Accept Unconditionally and Maybe you have even more Chemistry with, and Less Problems with Pitter Pattying with in the Sack.
    It sounds to me as though it His Way or the Highway.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 3

  • I honestly believe the better the relationship is, the easier it is. Sounds like you have an up hill battle here and you might be looking at making someone change to fit what you want. Basically, this sounds like a lot of work and a big struggle. If you have to fight this hard and have negative issues like this already, you need to ask yourself if this is a good relationship or not.

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  • First of all you haven't said WHY the sex is disappointing... we are talking about sex over here. so im gonna focus on that and not the hand holding.
    Secondly.. you said that he was dominant, i really think that you have a basic ass guy who is probably a "hunter" and I guess after you guys started sleeping together it took the chase out... now you gotta give him something else to chase after i guess.

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  • There's couple counselling, if you want to save it. Otherwise, I think you're doing everything you can and he's not changing.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well, you didn't say why it's disappointing, so it's hard to help in that aspect. Can't really tell you if you should dump him if I don't know how bad it is.

    But if you feel like he's not listening, that's a good enough reason to dump someone in and of itself, even if it's not about sex.

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