When Should An SO Know About Your Mental Illness?

So, currently, I'm dating someone. He's really nice, but due to certain circumstances in my life right now, we may not be able to work out because I may have to quit my job and move back in with my parents. Why? Well, I have bi-polar disorder and it's getting in the way of my job. I don't want to quit. However, the guy I'm seeing knows I most likely will be done with my job in the next couple of weeks. The problem is that he doesn't know what illness I have. He knows I was on medical leave last year from March until the beginning of the current school year, but he doesn't know it's bi-polar disorder. We've only been seeing each other for a month, talking for a couple months, but I never told him what the specific name of the illness was. He doesn't even know it's a mental disorder. He just knows it's not fatal and it can't be contracted.

He wants to know what it is because he said if he can't handle it, he wants to know if he should get out. However, I don't like feeling pressured to reveal something about myself to anyone, especially if I'm in the process of getting treated for it and only learning how to handle it. Plus, I just find it embarrassing all around that I'm 26 and am about to possibly ruin my career over something I can't control at the moment.

So when should he know? Or if you were dating someone with a mental illness, when would you want them to tell you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Are you by any chance a blonde working for the government and fighting against terrorism?

    I think he should know before you get into a serious relationship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl I hear you on this one. I suffer from trichtotillomania as well as a mild form of military sexual trauma. I get that those are very different than bipolar disorder but still. It's tough because I'm always afraid that if I don't do my makeup right he's going to notice that I have eyebrows missing and then bolt. I think you should take some time to determine if he's trustworthy. If he is, tell him. His response will tell you the type of guy he is. A jackass will either bolt or assume you're crazy in the bedroom (let this one go. You don't need them), but a decent guy will be a bit more sensitive. The right guy will stay with you no matter what.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I can tell you right now he's not the right guy for you and you should end it anyway. The right guy it won't feel as if you need to tell him. It will come off easy and you won't have this fear of saying he'll judge you and leave you because of it. When you meet the right person it comes easy to tell them all your baggage and you don't feel like you are putting yourself out there.

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  • You should just come out with it

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  • From day One.

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  • I would want to know upfront, you're waiting too long

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  • Just tell him asap, if he can't handle it then he's no good, being on your own is better than being with someone who doesn't appreciate you because of things you can't control ( I have/had? depressoion, and been through the same thing with my ex)

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  • just be honest with him

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  • Ask ASAP , Don't be a B**ch ! Ask in a kind way!

    Do not say oh hey can you tell me your mental illness so i can decide wether or not i wanna date you ! If you say that your just being an ass!

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  • From the get-go. They should know ASAP.

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  • At about the same time you get it cured.

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What Girls Said 12

  • He's probably worried it's like some benign cancer or like I don't know lupus. So when you tell him "oh my bi

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    • 3mo

      *shakes fist at mobile*

      "Oh my bipolar disorder (or whatever you prefer to call it) is acting up so I need time to get things back on track"

      He'll either be supportive or not. It's his choice and his behavior is his problem. Not yours.

  • I don't like his reason for wanting to know. Someone who cares about you would want to know because they care, but he's concerned about how it will affect him. That being said, you'll need to tell him because there's only so long you can deflect. Leaving work and moving back home will make it impossible to keep a secret.

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  • I knew about my boyfriends bipolar disorder and ange issues before we even started talking about dating and he knew about my eating disorder and anxiety. In my opinion it's better to tell someone before one of you ends up falling in love and getting hurt. It's not a big deal and he might even want to help you out.

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  • I'd say tell him now. I gave my boyfriend some indication that I had something up with my mental state early on in our relationship, and as we lasted long I opened up a lot more about what was going on in my head (such as openly talking about being anxious all the time)

    Really, it's up to you to tell him when you're comfortable

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  • Yeah if he was the right guy for you, he wouldn't be pressuring you into being honest about your illness. He'd be ok with taking your time to get there. Id just tell him, if he doesn't take it well at least you won't waste anymore time on him?

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  • Well, I have very noticeable self harm scars on my legs so I told him straight aways.. but mostly, I think when you're comfortable. There is no rush, I wouldn't want someone to tell me unless they were very comfortable & trusted me.. but.. he doesn't sound sympathetic at all. He should be understanding & open minded about it..

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  • I mean, what are you saving yourself from by not telling him? If you don't tell him, do you think he wouldn't ever find out eventually? Be realistic

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  • asap, that way they won't go into the relationship blind.

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  • I'd say tell him now because he's probably gonna find out anyways. If he can't handle it then get rid of him

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  • Who doesn't have to know as long as you don't act all bipolar.

    Like "oh hey 😊

    (20 minutes later *triggered)

    ... Fuck you!!👹

    ...😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭"

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    • 3mo

      Okay I'm jk.
      You should be honest with him and if he loves you for you that should matter

  • From the start!

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