This is something I've seen circling around this website and a few times IRL.
People will refer to someone who has been very heartbroken, or someone with a kid or someone's who's been divorced or even someone who has experienced trauma, as damaged goods. Rotten fruit. Something spoiled. No value left.
While I understand not wanting to date people due to certain factors you personally find very unfavorable or that you can't handle (someone who's experienced extreme abuse or someone with a child) I do not understand referring to them as something unwhole, something less than, something with no value.
Just because you don't want someone doesn't mean no one does or no one should...
but anyway my question remains. Do you see people this way?
Yes I do, I see everyone as either damaged goods or not
I am really turned off by those qualities and think they lose value as potential romantic partners for ME but I cringe when people use the phrase "damaged goods". It is an unnecessarily rude way to express being turned off.
There's people with major red flags that would fall under "damage goods", but I don't like referring to them like that. "Damage goods" is different for everyone, so if a guy thinks a single mom is damaged goods, maybe another guy doesn't think that way.
I don't refer to them as "damaged goods", but rather, "major sources of anxiety". I've tried to make it work with abused and heartbroken women, and all I've learned is it leads to my own heartbreak and headaches from the amount of "upkeep" they require. It's stressful and makes a relationship feel as a chore.
In fact at this point, all I'm asking is if I can find a NORMAL woman to date. One that doesn't have depression, anxiety, parental/family issues, etc. Just someone that doesn't cause me extra uncescessarcy stress.
I don't necessarily say someone is damaged goods but at the same time I'm not gonna date someone who is emotionally unavailable.
I just started seeing a girl who I really like as we have so much in common. But she just revealed to me that she just got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy she lives with.
This makes me cautiously optimistic. She hasn't complained about him or said she misses him but since I like her, I don't wanna make myself readily available. I still haven't seen any red flags other than the mention of the recent break up but I'm alert.
I do sometimes see people as damaged goods... never because of things they can't control. If I think you're damaged goods, you did that to yourself. People with drug problems, people with uncontrolled anger issues, people who use people without caring about the consequences the other person has to face.
No, i may see them as temporarily lost, or a person who has been hurt fiarly badly but i still care for them and love them as a brother or sister, you know, brother from another mother and sister from another mister, even though who do me wrong i care about because i know the reason they did me wrong is because someone has done them wrong and they dont know what its like to have someone to rely on and someone who treats them good
The only time I see someone as "damaged goods" is if they have MANY psychological and emotional issues and no desire to better themselves. If they have some desire, some hope, then they're not damaged goods.
Everyone has some issue, hell to some I'm probably considered damaged goods. It really boil down to if you want to persue that person or not. I know I still am try to persue this women in spite of her issues.
I voted A, though I don't really use that phrase, or quite think of it like you do.
But there are a lot of things that make someone a really bad choice for a monogamous relationship. Friends, sure. Hooking up, sure. But commitment? When you're committing to someone, you're putting a lot of your hopes for happiness in their hands. If they aren't capable of delivering, it's a bad idea.
Everyone has a different opinion... I don't see divorced women as damaged goods... but yes if she was divorced because she cheated on her husband then yes she is damages goods...
Only my brother's exes, of course :D
I would never refer to a woman as damaged goods... however I do not date the following women:
1. A woman who has a lot of casual sex or had a lot of partners in the past.
2. A woman who has kids
Basically, what women need to understand is that men are territorial about sex. Who you had sex with in the past does affect us.
For example... if I met a girl and found out she used to sleep around with thugs and gang members and participated in threesomes with those types of people, I would not want to date her. I wouldn't want to date someone who allowed men like that to penetrate her. It makes me feel like my status isn't that a great if I allow myself to get with a girl like that, especially since I worked hard all of my life.
Yes I do. For instance single mothers, 35 year old childless career women, rape victims, goths, emos, hipster chicks, atheist chicks, women who cany have kids, women who have been sidechicks, women with a history of cheating, overly promiscuous chicks and chicks with the tramp stamp on their lower back.
I don't necessarily see people as damaged goods. Life is a traumatic experience for some. Some people have had to go through some pretty unfortunate things in their life. It's not really fair to judge the person and not give them a chance, simply because they have experienced some tough times.
The only reason I would not want to date someone, would be if they were still obviously affected by the trauma they experienced. Like they were still bitter about a breakup, not quite over their ex yet, or in the midst of a custody battle with a crazy ex. I think those are perfectly valid reasons to not want to date a person. Mainly because they would be in the midsts of the trauma still, so how could they devote the proper attention to a relationship? There are definitely exceptions. But I wouldn't automatically write a person off right away for those factors.
I definitely think that some people do not give people a proper chance though. I've had many guys not want to date me, I think because of small things that they have made into a big issue. I definitely think some people are just too picky. Sure it's great to have expectations, but there should be some wiggle room. It's hard to find someone who meets all your expectations.
I never refer people as damaged goods. You may have someone who has gone through the most awful child abuse in their life but they are so humble and true to themselves, and you may have someone who has grown up in a perfect family and hasn't gone through any hardships what so ever but they are really not humble at all and truly take everything for granted.
If a guy considered me damaged goods just because I was raped then I just know that guy really isn't for me because I would lose all my respect for him to even call a person damaged goods (even more so towards someone who had no control over the situation). Everyone has a story, we're humans godammit.