Do you guys see people as damaged goods?

This is something I've seen circling around this website and a few times IRL.

People will refer to someone who has been very heartbroken, or someone with a kid or someone's who's been divorced or even someone who has experienced trauma, as damaged goods. Rotten fruit. Something spoiled. No value left.

While I understand not wanting to date people due to certain factors you personally find very unfavorable or that you can't handle (someone who's experienced extreme abuse or someone with a child) I do not understand referring to them as something unwhole, something less than, something with no value.

Just because you don't want someone doesn't mean no one does or no one should...

but anyway my question remains. Do you see people this way?

  • Yes I do, I see everyone as either damaged goods or not
    17% (3)33% (14)28% (17)Vote
  • No I never see anyone that way
    50% (9)42% (18)44% (27)Vote
  • I rarely do
    33% (6)25% (11)28% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am really turned off by those qualities and think they lose value as potential romantic partners for ME but I cringe when people use the phrase "damaged goods". It is an unnecessarily rude way to express being turned off.

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What Guys Said 23

  • I would never call a human being 'damaged', and I have NO respect for those who use that word to describe others.

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    • 3mo

      I agree. 😔Humanity can be so disappointing..

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    • 3mo

      wouldn't have put it any other way. #preach

    • 3mo

      @karennn

      Thank you! :)

  • There's people with major red flags that would fall under "damage goods", but I don't like referring to them like that.
    "Damage goods" is different for everyone, so if a guy thinks a single mom is damaged goods, maybe another guy doesn't think that way.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah I'm aware that not everyone will agree on what damaged goods is. My problem is with people even seeing someone in that light.

  • I don't refer to them as "damaged goods", but rather, "major sources of anxiety".
    I've tried to make it work with abused and heartbroken women, and all I've learned is it leads to my own heartbreak and headaches from the amount of "upkeep" they require. It's stressful and makes a relationship feel as a chore.

    In fact at this point, all I'm asking is if I can find a NORMAL woman to date. One that doesn't have depression, anxiety, parental/family issues, etc. Just someone that doesn't cause me extra uncescessarcy stress.

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  • I don't necessarily say someone is damaged goods but at the same time I'm not gonna date someone who is emotionally unavailable.

    I just started seeing a girl who I really like as we have so much in common. But she just revealed to me that she just got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy she lives with.

    This makes me cautiously optimistic. She hasn't complained about him or said she misses him but since I like her, I don't wanna make myself readily available. I still haven't seen any red flags other than the mention of the recent break up but I'm alert.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah, as I outlined already there's a difference between just not wanting to date someone and thinking they have no value as a human.

    • 3mo

      Yeah I won't lie, I've been rebounded once and I guess you could say I was on the rebound as I dated others after her, thinking I was over her but I wasn't. I was in a rough place but that doesn't make me damaged goods so saying that about a woman is hypocritical.

  • You used a good analogy actuality. Rotten fruit. Just as I don't want to eat fruit which has gone bad, I so don't want to associate with a person who has gone bad.

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    • 3mo

      You don't see how degrading that is? Not only that but nothing makes you "go bad. " I mean maybe if you turned out to be a really despicable person, but a decent human who's been hurt or suffered greatly somehow? How are they rotten? I'm very happy for ya if you've gone through life with no significant suffering but it is usually a part of life for most and hardly rots someone and gives them no value.

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    • 3mo

      The only thing that makes you "gone bad" is a shitty character. So if you think anything else qualifies then you're kinda gross

    • 3mo

      I think it's time to settle down and realise how much you've overreacted to my broad statement.
      Typical woman jumping to her own conclusions

  • I can see where damaged goods come in, but rotten fruit or no value is plain horrible

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  • I never think that, because nobody is damaged goods. Some people go through a trauma that isn't their fault. It doesn't make them damaged, espacially if they can pick themselves up and carry on.

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  • I do sometimes see people as damaged goods... never because of things they can't control. If I think you're damaged goods, you did that to yourself. People with drug problems, people with uncontrolled anger issues, people who use people without caring about the consequences the other person has to face.

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  • No, i may see them as temporarily lost, or a person who has been hurt fiarly badly but i still care for them and love them as a brother or sister, you know, brother from another mother and sister from another mister, even though who do me wrong i care about because i know the reason they did me wrong is because someone has done them wrong and they dont know what its like to have someone to rely on and someone who treats them good

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  • more like if they were a super slut, I wouldn't go for them. I've never dated and I don't think id want to date a girl with a kid, but I don't think I have many options left, so F me right

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    • 3mo

      Completely off topic

  • The only time I see someone as "damaged goods" is if they have MANY psychological and emotional issues and no desire to better themselves. If they have some desire, some hope, then they're not damaged goods.

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  • no. depends on they have defined themselves from it... for example, if they have feminist victim syndrome - RUN.

    a single mom is not damaged goods...

    but a single mom who is single because she was an entitled asshole IS.

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  • I don't see how one person perceiving them as damaged goods/no value affects any else's opinion.

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    • 3mo

      Huh? When did I say it effected anyone else's opinion...

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    • 3mo

      I didn't say it effected others opinions.

      My point with that is if you go so far as to say a person has no value bc you don't want to date them you're basically saying they're completely worthless rather than just saying oh gee they aren't my cup of tea

    • 3mo

      They are worthless - to you.

  • It's just a metaphor people use: of course there is a difference between a person and broken car.

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  • Im not like that, people look at me and see me as one.

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  • Everyone has some issue, hell to some I'm probably considered damaged goods. It really boil down to if you want to persue that person or not. I know I still am try to persue this women in spite of her issues.

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    • 3mo

      I totally agree! No one is perfect, and we are all crazy in our own ways. jaja

  • If they are slutty, i wouldn't date them.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah, that's irrelevant completely. .. I just... I think they need to teach kids critical reading.. I..

  • I voted A, though I don't really use that phrase, or quite think of it like you do.

    But there are a lot of things that make someone a really bad choice for a monogamous relationship. Friends, sure. Hooking up, sure. But commitment? When you're committing to someone, you're putting a lot of your hopes for happiness in their hands. If they aren't capable of delivering, it's a bad idea.

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    • 3mo

      As I already outlined in my question there's a difference between simply seeing someone as not dating material for yourself personally and thinking of them as a broken object with no value.

  • Who called you damaged goods? I'll go kidnap their dog for you!

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    • 3mo

      No one. I hear it on here and it aggravates me. I'd find it funny if someone IRL said it to me tho honestly.

  • Everyone has a different opinion...
    I don't see divorced women as damaged goods... but yes if she was divorced because she cheated on her husband then yes she is damages goods...

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  • Only my brother's exes, of course :D

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  • I would never refer to a woman as damaged goods... however I do not date the following women:

    1. A woman who has a lot of casual sex or had a lot of partners in the past.

    2. A woman who has kids

    Basically, what women need to understand is that men are territorial about sex. Who you had sex with in the past does affect us.

    For example... if I met a girl and found out she used to sleep around with thugs and gang members and participated in threesomes with those types of people, I would not want to date her. I wouldn't want to date someone who allowed men like that to penetrate her. It makes me feel like my status isn't that a great if I allow myself to get with a girl like that, especially since I worked hard all of my life.

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    • 3mo

      Don't use the "grrr I'm a man" bs for a normal human feeling. Girls don't like guys who've had crazy amounts of sex partners especially sex partners that led less than glamorous lives too. It isn't a grrr man biology evolution thing...

    • 3mo

      Both genders care but men definitely care about this more than women. A lot of women actually do like a guy with a decent amount of experience. Most guys would rather a girl be a virgin or near to it.

    • 3mo

      It's true guys generally care more but it's really dumb to attribute ones thoughts and feelings to being male. It lacks self awareness and individuality

  • Yes I do. For instance single mothers, 35 year old childless career women, rape victims, goths, emos, hipster chicks, atheist chicks, women who cany have kids, women who have been sidechicks, women with a history of cheating, overly promiscuous chicks and chicks with the tramp stamp on their lower back.

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    • 3mo

      So every woman who fits any of those has no value as a human because you don't see her fit to date?

      Funny how you are opposed to atheist women. Meaning you must be religious. I'm assuming Christian? You are not conducting yourself as a Christian should. A good Christian woman wouldn't want you.

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    • 3mo

      Lol hypocritical men.

    • 3mo

      Hypocritical how? I answered your question honestly are you among those I mentioned as damaged maybe a tramp stamp?

What Girls Said 3

  • I don't necessarily see people as damaged goods. Life is a traumatic experience for some. Some people have had to go through some pretty unfortunate things in their life. It's not really fair to judge the person and not give them a chance, simply because they have experienced some tough times.

    The only reason I would not want to date someone, would be if they were still obviously affected by the trauma they experienced. Like they were still bitter about a breakup, not quite over their ex yet, or in the midst of a custody battle with a crazy ex. I think those are perfectly valid reasons to not want to date a person. Mainly because they would be in the midsts of the trauma still, so how could they devote the proper attention to a relationship? There are definitely exceptions. But I wouldn't automatically write a person off right away for those factors.

    I definitely think that some people do not give people a proper chance though. I've had many guys not want to date me, I think because of small things that they have made into a big issue. I definitely think some people are just too picky. Sure it's great to have expectations, but there should be some wiggle room. It's hard to find someone who meets all your expectations.

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  • I never refer people as damaged goods. You may have someone who has gone through the most awful child abuse in their life but they are so humble and true to themselves, and you may have someone who has grown up in a perfect family and hasn't gone through any hardships what so ever but they are really not humble at all and truly take everything for granted.

    If a guy considered me damaged goods just because I was raped then I just know that guy really isn't for me because I would lose all my respect for him to even call a person damaged goods (even more so towards someone who had no control over the situation). Everyone has a story, we're humans godammit.

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  • No, that's a made up term.
    You shower and wash all the dirt away.

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