Is one month generally too short to ask for a commitment?

This guy chased me a lot, for almost 6 months. I finally gave in to see what he was all about and I fell for him. I'm the type of person who dates with wanting to find someone to build something solid and lasting with. I want stability. For some reason he was gung-ho for pursuing me and he enjoys being around me (we're together almost every evening when he's off work). When I mention commitment he changes the subject to something off topic so obviously he's not interested in talking about it. He said he wants to take things slow, yet he wants sex from me. I may be a fuck buddy (even though he says we're more than that) but I am distancing myself from him because I don't want to waste my time. Am I being too much of a speedy gonzales wanting a commitment after a month, like would this be an issue in general when it comes to the right time to commit?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Real Life Cliff:
    -Guy chases girl for 6 months
    -Girl string guy along and keeps him as a backup
    -Girl gets dicked by Chad hoping for relationship
    http://i.imgur.com/kjzQQ8x.jpg
    -Chad after filling every hole and finally getting bored of her decides to dump her.
    -Girl now feel used and lower in value.
    -Girl now boost self esteem by getting with guy who she thins will white knight, tell her how pretty she is and make her feel special
    -Guy finally gets girl to give him chance and once to take things slow
    -Girl having been used by Chad and want to feel special ask for commitment because she'll be damn if another guy treats her like a whore again.
    -Guy think girl is going too fast asking for commitment
    -Girl starts distancing herself because she expected beta whip puppy dog who would give into her demands and boost her self esteem but finds out she got a guy with little backbone.
    -Comes to GAG and ask for relationship help but omits and paints over story in such a way that she appears the victim.

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    • 3mo

      lmao, bravo

    • 3mo

      I'm not saying I'm the victim I'm asking if I'm in the wrong for asking for a commitment smartass

Most Helpful Girl

  • What are your options with the baby's daddy?

    For me, if a guy so much as is interested in me with the idea of a romantic relationship, he better be looking for a commitment. Because that is what I'm looking for.
    I won't even touch someone who isn't looking for a commitment/relationship with a ten foot pole.
    If he wants to get to know me first, there are other ways to do it. In what context did you meet this guy?
    So for me this is the scenario: he knows me from somewhere, work, school, sports team, art class, neighborhood, circle of friends, friend of my family, online blog, ...
    So he already knows me socially & knows what I'm about. He's already familiar with my looks. & let's face it, being a superficial attribute, looks are the one thing we are able to, & actually do decide to like or not about someone, at first sight.
    So, when both of these conditions are satisfied, we go out on a few one on one dates to get a bit into the important & more personal details of a relationship. By then if we think that we have gathered enough information to start a relationship, & we decide that things look good, we commit, get exclusive, & start getting physical. For me, I won't mention the word marriage at this point, because if you want this guy a lot, you probably don't care about marriage right now. But I would say that exclusivity & commitment are must have minimum requirements for me. But personally, when I was single, I wasn't just looking for dating. I was also looking to eventually start a family. So I made that clear to the guy up front. & usually guys are honest about their intentions on marriage. Unless of course they lie, or I mistake their intentions, in which case I dump them as soon as I find out, or no more than 6 months into the relationship, & face heartbreak. There was only one guy who I just wanted to be with so badly that I was prepared to overlook marriage. Of course he did end up proposing, but I wouldn't have cared if he didn't. & I definitely prefer to have kids with a father, unless it's too late to find a real father for them.
    If things don't look good or we need more information, we go back to the friendship phase.
    No, me, my feelings and my body did not come for free, & I won't allow anyone to hurt me by taking them on a test drive if he doesn't even know what he is looking for, doesn't have the skills to analyze & judge a person's character as to whether or not they have what he wants, & if he is not considering a commitment of some sort.

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What Guys Said 19

  • no i don't think one month is too early to commit

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  • don't mention the commitment, make it the main subject maybe a title for a dinner or a date, you are an adult you don't have to be afraid to discus your thoughts, you only live once and time is precious, I say declare red code, to be or not to be should be the answer, no more delaying, come clean and clear you have the full right... go for it girl !!!

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  • not at all.. I've committed before after ONE DATE... and had many options at the time. ie it wasn't cuz i was desperate... but rather I'm a commitment type and she fit the bill perfectly-so I instantly agreed. But MOST women want commitment and if I'm not really into them (beyond the sex) I won't do it.

    So I'd say he's wasting your time... you're just a fuck (no offense).

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  • How many 'dates' you've been on during that month is a huge factor, but no.

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  • I can't tell you how many times I have dated a woman only to find out that she is terrible at having sex.

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  • I think if people go out 3 times or more, they are committed and exclusive automatically unless they specifically say otherwise.

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  • No, your not asking too much, he's afraid to man up.

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  • Commitment isn't made by asking
    Commitment is realized and discovered
    I was with my girl for a time , up and downs then we realized we can't separate
    That's what commitment to me

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  • You sound completely reasonable, and genuine here. You are not wrong at all.

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  • He's the one that chased you for 6 months, so I would say no.

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  • Yes. Especially if all you bring to the relationship is your vagina.

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  • Yes, what are you 5 years old.

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  • even though he gave you commitment, it won't be safe.

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  • 1 month what
    it takes time

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  • If you at spending that much time together then a month is plenty or time to want commitment! Ur in the right on this one

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  • Not at all. If you know what you want make it clear to him. If he's not interested then you should stay away from him. You may as well be just a fuck buddy to him as you said.

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  • I think you are a fuck buddy of his in his mind

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  • Why would you let him chase you for 6 months, i hate girls like you who play these games.

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    • 3mo

      Because I was pregnant and with the baby's father. Sorry for not ditching my baby's father soon enough for some random guy I didn't really know.

  • Truthfully, yes you are moving too fast. A need for commitment a month after dating, sounds like a compensation for something wrong from the past.
    If you are truly interested the guy, just try doing nice things for him other than sex! Women who lead with sex or their good looks end up heart broken time and time again. They are not offering anything substantial that men can't find in the next women. I'm not saying no sex but if you want commitment you need to do things that are valued to him on a personal level; not just physical.

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    • 3mo

      I mean I'll do things for him like cooking and such. I'm always there when he needs me and I'm usually there to give him ego boosts

    • 3mo

      naw, every situation is particular. sometimes you find that perfect person-and the magnetism is CRAZY... so even one date might be enough and both feel like committing and both normally DON"T do the commitment thing... I'm living such a situation right now and it's going swimmingly

What Girls Said 19

  • Are you a "speedy gonzales"? Excuse me. The guy who wants sex after having dated you for a month is not "speedy"? ... Hold on, back up... Are you two in a mutually aware relationship? (Boyfriend & girlfriend.)

    I have the same mindset, which is dating a man who is willing to, capable of, and understands what commitment means. I'm not equating commitment with marriage, because I think that first a relationship has to be able to work into long-term before it could reach that far as to marriage.

    However, in my humble opinion and my preference, I think that expecting commitment after dating for a month is too fast... Unless you've known each other that well and been close enough, to be able to feel that connection for him.

    On the other hand, expecting sex after dating for a month is too fast in my opinion. If you're not just looking for sex, or not ready to do it after a month of dating, then he needs to understand and respect you. Otherwise he's probably not the guy for long-term nor commitment...

    I understand that sometimes when a person loves someone, and is emotionally connected to that person, he/she will want to physically connect, but you will need to determine whether that is his case, by observing his interaction with you. For example, is he concerned about you? Asks about your well-being? And so on.

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  • With 'He wants sex from me," I believe from where I am Sitting... He is More the Speedy Gonzales.
    I admit with Any new Relationship of any Kind, Nursing and Nurturing is the Way to go at First so you Both can get well Acquainted better to see if a Potential Partnership in the Future here, dear.
    You may have Thought wrong about Being a bit Premature in your own Thinking but I am Giving you an "A" for Absolutely Excellent in Now... Distancing myself. If this is What he really Wants, he is not Worth your Time down any Love Line.
    Good luck. xx

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  • He's got u now but how long it will last is anyone's guess
    What's mean commitment as boyfriend and girlfriend status then no you are being reasonable here it's a month he must know if ur worthy of girlfriend material if he doesn't want to be ur boyfriend
    Chuck him..
    Story is very similar to urs boy chases girl for ages sometimes years only wants fun decides she isn't worthy of commitment and chucks her... leavin her bewildered and wtf happened and spending years wonderin what she did wrong..

    So ask him outright if he's ur boyfriend or not if he says no or deflects the question say bye as he's givin u the answer.. wish I done that but didn't don't make my mistake n stayin with a man Becos u have feelings and he doesn't..

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  • You don't ASK for a commitment, you take the relationship as it comes - that's a common problem among women though. They aren't interested in getting to know the poor man, but only in getting a commitment out of him because they are so obsessed with the idea of having a bloody relationship. You don't expect commitment from men; once you do, you are just taking value from them, & that to me is unfair. Have fun & get to know him first. He will make up his OWN mind. I can promise you this though; if you don't add value to this man's life or make him feel good around you, he will NOT want to be with you. You can't force a man to do anything. They have A LOT more to lose in a relationship than women do.

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  • No?
    I wouldn't bother spending a single day with someone who doesn't agree to be exclusive. I discussed and agreed upon those things with my boyfriend in the same conversation where we decided to become a couple in the first place.

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  • There's no set time limit of when it's right. When BOTH of you agree to be exclusive is when it's the right time.

    Many times guys won't necessarily go for the commitment if they're getting all the benefits of a commitment without having to officially do so.

    Give him some time and don't pester him for a commitment--it'll only do the opposite.

    If you're feeling like you're just a friends with benefits, I
    might suggest not having sex and see if he sticks around. Easier said than done though once the deed has been done so to speak...

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  • When he couldn't have you, he was crazy about you. Now that he does he's content but the thought of committing to you is not on his mind. Asking for a relationship to fast but sex is totally fine... yeah I say drop this guy.. he's all about the chase once he gets the sex he'll end up vanishing. A month of dating is perfect amount of time to decide if you want be in relationship or not.

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  • Yes.

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  • Well he's chased you for so long it's taking him time to get used to it

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  • why do you say you 'gave in'; if you're generally interested in a relationship?

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    • 3mo

      nvm i understand from the details... so i guess eventually you just decided to give it a shot.

      a month is not too soon if its what you want you should say so so that you both are aware ad can make informed decisions :)

  • Don't put a time on it... If you feel like you don't want to see other people, just let him know. Maybe he's in the same place you are.

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  • No, you are completely within reasonable rights to ask about a commitment. If he can't handle the fact that you want stability with the relationship and he doesn't want that either then he isn't worth the time.

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  • nah

    different people have different times

    if y'all are ready do it

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  • Sex is your choice. It is up to you. But commitment after one month is early in my opinion. It is an important decision. Just live the moment. See where it goes.

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  • No. If he's your lover he should be committed from the start. Don't let anyone use you! He's your man is he not? Um yeah...

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  • If you meant marriage yes one month is too soon. More like 6-8 months at the earliest should you be thinking about that. But to be boyfriend and girlfriend one to 3 months I think is normal to have that sort of commitment. Though depending on things you might want to clarify if your going to be in a closed relationship or open (swingers).

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  • I think if he were interested in taking it further at some point in the future and was working towards getting to know you in a more relationship way he wouldn't mind talking about that.

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  • I think with how much time you guys are spending together, it's fair to start asking questions about being exclusive. Don't let him drag you along saying you're more than friends and then the next thing you know, 6 months has passed and you're still "talking". I'm more old fashioned I guess. I don't really like the whole "talking" thing. I think any interest that extends a certain time frame should be considered dating, otherwise it's an excuse for people to be flakey and lead others on. So be careful and clearly express what you want out of this. If he can't handle it, then he's not worth any thing about it

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  • By any chance are you a Capricorn? Usually Capricorns tend to act that way.
    Anyways, I would say that I think that he's just using you for sex. I think you should really bring up the conversation about commitment and this time, whenever he changes the subject, get right back to it. If you see that he doesn't want to commit to you, and if it seems obvious that he's using you for sex, then say goodbye.

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    • 3mo

      Actually he's the Capricorn and I'm a Cancer! haha Ironic isn't it? It's like the signs are reversed lol

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