Guys how long do you usually wait when seeing someone until you bring up whether or not you want a relationship with that person?
I've been seeing someone for almost four months. We've agreed that we are exclusive but he's not asked me to be his girlfriend. It sounds daft and I hate to get hung up on a label but I've never been with someone this long without them asking and I am starting to wonder if he wants to stay single and keep his options open.
I know a lot of you will tell me to just ask him because that's the grown up thing to do but I'm a big insecure narcissistic mess and I don't want to have to be the one to bring it up.
the "exclusive" non-relationship in my experience means precisely that-SEXUALLY exclusive while still hanging out in the field. Ended a relationship over this just recently because after SHE declared us "exclusive" ("I don't want you touching any other girls like this, let's be exclusive") she about 4 days later gave me an "just so we're clear, I"m single" speech... I called her out on what I saw as a mutual exclusivity... She decided to end it over it... which was strange/silly as I was open to either thing, just not "both" when both is impossible in my mind unless... they mean YOU are exclusive while THEY are single lol..
But immediately met a girl after where feelings were mutual, no head games, no guessing games, no mismatch... no bullshit. So the first one did me a favor by being indecisive... I would confront (in a soft way) and ask... "are you my boyfriend? am I your girlfriend? what do you want us to be?" and you'll have your answer from his.
The simple fact that he asked to be exclusive denotes that you are a couple. You don't have to talk about it to make it a thing, it happens, and chances are that if he's still around and hasn't ran off or told you he doesn't want to see you anymore. You are in a relationship. I always hate it when I'm dating someone and they need to have the affirmative as to whether the relationship is real or not. If you really need the answer though, you have to ask, because he's probably never going to need or want to ask.
Work on your "insecure, narcissistic mess" and ask him. Otherwise this will only continue (and over and over again with other things down the road). To me, going exclusive means you're boyfriend/girlfriend and he probably just assumes that. But he's not likely ever going to say it if you don't ask him and get clarification. You'll just continue to wonder. Communication is SO VERY important in relationships. Even the "little" things. If you can't talk to him, you're going to have problems, that's a given.