I'm sure you have heard the joke that once married sex declines. Do you think it is because people who have pre marital sex look for different things?

i am waiting until marriage to have sex. do you think the guy i will hopefully have as a husband (god willing) will be different to the one i would have if i had premarital sex. i know many argue that you need to be compatible with someone before you commit but if they rarely have sex after marriage how much does it really matter? what prioirties should we really to looking for?

many have called me a prude or frigid for waiting but when the time comes i will be making up for 'lost time' with the right person. would you prefer to get to know someone on every level but wait to have sex or have sex while getting to know then. which do you think is the best route when finding the right person?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Research has shown that married couples report greater satisfaction with their sex lives... Just saying.

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What Guys Said 6

  • 1. Noble intentions but skewed ideology fuelled religiously maybe
    2. For one young lady, one thinks they know themselves but few & scarce do even by some extent, leave alone knowing another person than self
    3. Everything evolves with time, some for the better some for worse. Something that doesn't evolve stagnates - nature's law
    4. Marriage, sex, relationship etc are up in the head
    5. What kills any relationship or sex drive most times is our own expectations based on fixated ideals & ideals - this by itself is selfishness aka doesn't think about the other person beyond ones own desires
    6. There is no right or wrong person, it's all about compatibility & even this needs working on from time to time just the way you need to maintain a garden or a vehicle
    7. Compatibility can come easily between 2 strangers while can be light years away from a couple that have been with each other for years
    8. Sex again has no bearings on marriage etc. God didn't make marriage we did. 2 people unmarried can wind up being much more committed than a couple bound by marriage & society laws

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  • I think "waiting" is stupid. You have to know you're sexually compatible. You don't know what you like or don't like and the only way to know is to experiment. Sex really does matter in relationships. What if you find out you're into bdsm but he only does it in one position with the lights off under the covers? Yeah that marriage will last. Some couples continue enjoying sex way after marriage.

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    • 3mo

      by knowing a person you can figure out many of these things and being open with the things you like is part of a relationship.

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    • 3mo

      @Asker You really don't know what you want until you get there and he starts touching those places. All these calculated thoughts you're having go right out the window.

  • Sex mostly declines from a busy lifestyle and kids not whether you had it before or after marriage. If I had waited to have sex after marriage I probably would have been a virgin till 31

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    • 3mo

      i think our lives are as busy as we make them. for instance: during the dating faze you probably had or made a lot of time for the partner, this can still happen but you might decide to same level of effort isn't needed. or maybe watching tv, coming on here (I'm not saying it is bad) is a choice. would it have been a bad decision to be a virgin until you were 31?

    • 3mo

      Wasn't like a decision , I never wanted to wait but it's not always easy for a guy, one time I had a gap of almost 5 years inbetween

  • Find out on every level before and wait to have sex.

    Sex isn't everything.

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  • Compatibility IS first and foremost about desired frequency, especially when life is busy and stressful.

    I think the main reason sex declines is not because of marriage, but because the passion in relationships often declines, because low drive partners return to their natural level, while for a while during an early phase they may be higher, because sex drive differences VERY often drive the couple apart in terms of sexual connection... people don't joke about sex dying in relationships as much before marriage, because when the sex ends, they break up. With marriage, the sexual/passion side dies and they're still together, maybe with kids.

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    • 3mo

      I heard their is a season for everything, getting to know someone, feelings, sexual. what do you think about everything happening at once then as an over load then what do you have after this type of honey moon period?

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    • 3mo

      *greater satisfaction

    • 3mo

      @Asker Sexual high being reduced with more partners? Okay. That's assuming those partners could even get her off. This "science" sounds skewed. You're making it sound like her libido decreases or something to the point she doesn't want sex at all. But this is coming from someone who hasn't done it yet. I can testify that the only thing GOOD sex does is make you want it more often. Bad sex/crappy guys however can make you want to stop for a while, but eventually you start getting back into it because hey we're human.

  • Combination of:

    1. Women no longer needing to be scared of the man leaving her for another due to dat der divorce rape.

    2. People getting bored of fucking the same body. Sex become routine.

    3. People letting themselves go.

    4. Children eventually consume a lot of time and kill sex life off nearly completely.

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What Girls Said 4

  • i think sexual compatibilty is a really big deal.
    and sex gets better and better after u r married. u will try new things, trust each other, b closer to each other. and u will do almost anything to please ur partner, make new memories, push boundaries. u know u r safe and loved and u can have any kind of sex u want.
    the sex declines after marriage is only for those who allow it to.

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  • Sex for me is part of getting to know someone and to see if we have sexual chemistry. I'd HATE to be stuck married to someone I didn't feel sexual sparks with or who had totally different sexual desires from me. Me and my boyfriend have sex and I doubt we do it because we want "different' things than a married couple. We both do it to bond with each other, have fun and strengthen our relationship. I just don't have a ring on my finger yet which is materialistic and means absolutely nothing most of the time and doesn't suddenly change sex. With that said, there's nothing wrong with waiting and it's a noble idea, although just feasible in my opinion.

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    • 3mo

      part of that was inferring to relationship that are built from lust and sexual arrangements, the other part was wondering if a person who has had sexual relations before would be more or less strict on the men or women they day

  • Rarely have sex?

    It may slow down but it doesn't necessarily stop. Those types of couples are the ones that stopped trying and need therapy. No matter what, you just get used to a person over time even if they aren't a lover and just a friend or someone you live with. Things change as life always does. If you prefer to live in a blissful ignorance and not know what to expect or how things even go a certain way in the bedroom, then more power to you, but that doesn't mean your relationship is going to last because of it. Sexual incompatibility can kill a relationship just as much as a sexless couple with a communication problem. The difference is communication and intimacy issues can be worked out, even if that means not being a couple anymore. But sexual incompatibility isn't as fixable in a marriage and even the "right" person can still stray and find what they're not getting elsewhere. Then all those years of hard work waiting was for nothing.

    There's nothing to make up if he can't satisfy you or is unwilling to try. Some men are selfish in bed. Some men don't want to put in more effort into their performance as long as they get off. You'll be masturbating all by yourself and lying in front of your friends about how happy you are when in reality you're a just being used like a living fleshlight.

    What a person does and how they do it in bed says a lot about them and what they REALLY think of you. There's a difference between not being into a certain thing and just not caring. If you're lucky you will find someone that will work on it with you and make sex feel phenomenal. But that's a biiiiig risk to take. That's like putting all your earnings in a bid for the lottery and not even knowing what the jackpot is. But it's your body, your beliefs. Go ahead and do whatever. Or don't do rather... Good luck.

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  • i don't believe that to be true. only pesimists think that way.

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    • 3mo

      it is just a common joke...

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