Guys, why do you check up on girls you ghosted?

I just need to understand what is going on in this guy's head. We've been seeing each other for a little over a month, to an extent that I thought we would be exclusive. But I guess I scared him away, and he started to withdraw. I just thought maybe he needed space/time? Was sad, but I thought if he really liked me he would stick around anyways (right?)
After the withdrawal (ie. hours to reply to my texts, and avoided seeing me), he completely disappeared. I did not text him, I played it cool and tried to move on with my life for a few days. Until, he texted me - asking me how I was I doing. I decided to reply his text 6 hours later (contemplated on what I wanted with him - cut him off completely, or maintain good relations), to which I said I'm good and asked him back on how he was doing. 24 hours later, still no reply.
This is just bugging me - I know it really depends on the person, but I just don't understand what he wants and why he is doing this to me. Granted that we were "nothing", but I really liked the guy and hoped for some explanation. Any ideas or thoughts on why he is doing this, and how to deal with it (aside from having my own life // moving on)? I really want to straighten things out with him, if there is no future, but I don't know - is it even possible to end something that haven't even started?
I don't want to sound desperate/clingy to him, even though I probably already giving out that impression here - so if any of you have any suggestions/tips/thoughts, it is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I dont know. He seems like he's either scared of commitment for some reason or he's trying to play a game here. Most likely the first option. He probably likes you but has problems with where this is going. Best advice right now? Dont seem eager about it at all. Dont go after him. Let him do it all. See how far he goes from his confort zone to see you again (beware: he might not come back).

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    • 3mo

      I'm sorry but I just have to say it... what kind of sick game is that? :(
      I mean, not wanting to go after him, but when he texted me (which caught me off guard), I responded in a calm, casual manner and tried to be warm in response and asked him back on how he is doing. 2 days later still no reply... Just want to understand what is in his head, and to clear things.

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    • 3mo

      would it be too much if I jokingly text him like 'are you alive?'
      is it even worth reaching out to him now :( i know its a really dumb question, but I guess it kinda test him out? like if he does not reply me (again) then...*insert all bad things*

    • 3mo

      I dont think you should text him. Not for a while at least

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't like where this is going, just end it. Don't beat around the bush. He was the one that is holding back from you. I bet that you didn't do anything. It's him. Whatever problem he has, he is the one that will have to deal with it. There was no excuse for what he did. Tell him that.

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    • 3mo

      I thought I ended it already when he stopped talking, and I took a step back and realized he just disappeared. I was "okay" in the sense that I was already on my way to moving on from him. I am mostly just curious on what is on his head and why he tried to reach out only to disappear again. It is getting nerve-wracking on my end as he never responded after reaching out to me. Its just very confusing.

    • 3mo

      He did what he wanted to do. He wants his cake and eat it too. If it wasn't going to work out he can have another shorty to the side, as we say in the hood. Sorry you had to go through with that.

What Guys Said 2

  • I don't, he must be want something from you, if he's checking up on you, the P must be good

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  • If he's checking up on you, he isn't doing a good job of ghosting.

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What Girls Said 2

  • They either do it to screw with their minds or they are genuinely curious.

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  • I don't think he's truly interested in you. If he was, he would have tried to talk to you more.

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