I was bad socially before, I want to make up for lost time, and I can't stand talk about marriage and settling down. What is your take on this?

I was born with Asperger's syndrome, so it was a struggle for me both socially and academically growing up. I have worked hard at those things, I have a job, friends, and I don't have to depend on anyone to do anything for me, and I want to make up for lost time now and get all the experiences that people who never had that problem got on a silver plate.

I go out either by myself or with friends and flirt with women, but I don't want to marry one until I've had the same amount of experiences of going out with friends and flirting/hooking up that normal people have. I want to have at least two short flings to get good at sex, and I don't hold a double standard, I don't care if a woman is a virgin or not, or if her partner count is more than mine. I can't stand talk about marriage and settling down, and it has almost got to the point where I don't like being around older heads who think everyone must be married by a certain time, anyone in my age bracket who is married, and teenagers who have a limited view of life. Is it wrong to want something most people have? For me it's about making up the normal quota.


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What Girls Said 1

  • It's not wrong to want that. However, I do not understand why you are so obsessed with wanting to do what other people do.
    Anyway, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a little bit of casual fun, however I consider it a bit strange that you seem to want that only because you have noticed it happening around you.

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    • 3mo

      Do you know what it feels like to not be accepted? I don't want to marry the first girl I date, no one I know who actually has a life does that. I realise as long as you have friends, an employment history and a dating history, everyone thinks you're ok and no one questions your life. If your answer is no on any of those three you get a big WHY. I don't want to avoid people but I can't stop them bringing up relationships. Do you know what that feels like?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think your obsession with quota and having the same experiences as others is a bit extreme. To be honest though, it's not that unusual an -impulse- you just see it in a very precise way - which is perhaps not surprising given your neurological profile. I don't think it's worse or better, just different. But I will warn you that many neurotypicals will feel it -sounds- worse. They are more forgiving of 'feelings' then 'thoughts' and since your thoughts sound like very clear thoughts, to them, they find them cold.

    Anyway, I'd suggest keeping your mouth shut about your particular targets, keep them to yourself.

    On the other hand, most people your age and younger will NOT find anything to odd with you saying 'i'm just looking to have fun right now, nothing serious'. If pressed on it, you could even say 'I dont' have that much experience, so beyond wanting to have fun, I also don't think I know enough about what I like or don't like, or how to respond to other peoples likes or dislikes, to settle into something serious'. That's basically what you're saying, but softened.

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    • 3mo

      I don't tell anyone about targets, but I also don't see why I should "soften" my talk when no one did that for me while I was growing up. All I wanted was acceptance, that doesn't cost any money but they didn't want to give me that. So now I'm going for what I could because I now have the ability to do so, much like someone who grew up poor buys a lot of stuff once they start getting money. It's not something I tell any and everyone about because it will make them uncomfortable (they always had it so they'll think I hate them on a deeper level).

    • 3mo

      "should" - because it is likely to help you achieve your goals.

      I'll also mention to you something else, I've said to someone else here.

      When you talk, are you talking just to hear yourself speak? Or is your goal to tell them something?

      I suspect it's the latter.

      If that's the case, what you say doesn't matter. What they hear and understand matters. If you say things in a way that is technically true, but evokes a hostile emotional response in them so they don't process what you're saying, they're not hearing the message, so you weren't effectively -telling- them truth. If you say it in a way that allows them to not overreact, or even better, allows them to sympathize and hence better see your point, you've been more clear, in reality.

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