Slept with my ex during no contact and now I'm even more confused! Really need advice?


I was on here a few weeks ago asking for advice and I think I've messed up yet again! (Story of my life!)
My ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago and we didn't contact each other until last Saturday when he sent me a message to see how things were. We were texting for a while then we chatted on the phone. He told me how much he'd missed talking to me and being with me. He then called down to my house where we chatted for a good hour or so. Then we had sex. I know I shouldn't have until the issues between us had been completely ironed out. Now I feel stupid. The next morning he said we really need to figure out the "state of play" between us. He said he did want more and that things have to and will change between us. Basically we had broke up because our relationship had essentially devolved into FWB's, my family thought I deserved better and decided to message him (my mum and cousin.) He had agreed at the time that I was better off without him etc and I didn't hear from him until last week. He said he didn't care what my family think. He has feelings for me and really cares about me.
Unfortunately now I am no further forward as to where I stand. I have been texting him through the week and have had some replies. Not as much as I like. He rang me on Sunday to see how I was doing because he felt bad not replying much. I know he works a lot and I respect that but I really need to know if we can make this work! I'm thinking of texting him and telling him we need to sort this out now because I can't take anymore being left in limbo. I do care about him but it has to work two ways. I can't be the only one making all the effort all the time. It's tiring and it's wearing me down all the time. If he wants to be with me, then he's going to have to man up.
What do I do now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have a F-buddy. That is fine if that is what you want. If not, find someone else.

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    • 3mo

      I'm fine with that to be honest. I don't want anything too heavy at the minute cos I have a lot going on in my life. Should I ask him if that's what we are or just leave it and accept it as it is?

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    • 3mo

      He's only seeing me. We were talking about this the other night on the phone. For one reason only though.

    • 3mo

      "He's only seeing me."
      Yeah, a lot of women think that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop rebounding. I don't think this will lead to much if he can't even text you. If you really can't imagine being with someone else. Then try to make it work. But if it doesn't let it go.
    Seriously there are plenty of fish in the ocean. And you won't know for sure that this fish will make you happy in the future. I mean you already broke up because it didn't work out. Why do it all over again only to end at the same result.

    A little quote for you:

    Insanity: doing the same thing over again and again expecting different results - Albert Einstein

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    • 3mo

      The idea of being with anyone else really does not appeal to me at all! He is really super busy at work and I get that but it literally takes 2 minutes to send a quick text. Part of me wants to just ask "what are we?" and demand some sort of answer. Then I can move on either way.

      Love the quote by the way 😊

    • 3mo

      Just do that. Tell him what you want. And if he can't give it to you: Just move on 😉

    • 3mo

      That's the plan! I know what I want out of this and I'm gonna tell him. 😊

What Guys Said 1

  • If you are no further along, then you need to wait to figure out your feelings. Yes, you two like the sex, but the feelings must be there to move anything forward in this relationship. Ask the question what are you? Just tell if you want the f-buddy thing then that is it.

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    • 3mo

      We do have feelings for each other but he keeps dragging his feet as far as a relationship goes! I think you're right about just asking him straight. It's the only way at this point!

What Girls Said 2

  • He doesn't need to "man up": you need to stop forcing a relationship where he's made it clear he doesn't want one. When a man wants you, he is not going to just let you hang around for some other guy to get. If a man wants to be with you, he'll be with you. If he wants to be your boyfriend and establish a "state of play", he will make it happen. If you have to keep pushing and pleading, then his heart is not in it.

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    • 3mo

      I've definitely not pleaded with him at all! I didn't contact him for three weeks and he was the one that came running to me telling me he wanted me, missed me, had feelings for me. Not the other way around. I was very careful not to spill all my feelings out to him just yet. He told me that he can't deny that he wants more than just a friends with benefits situation and we need to talk about it. I would never force a relationship, there really wouldn't be any point in that. HE is the one that keeps telling me how HE feels. I've learned not to be so forthcoming with what I feel.

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    • 3mo

      Wait a min, if he has you blocked on FB then why the fuk are you even extending an invitation into your life? I'm sorry girl, but that makes you look so desperate. You shared your body with this man and he has the nerve to block you while he "makes up his mind". Fuck that.

    • 3mo

      You are practically begging for his attention, affection, and time. Can't you feel how he's reducing your dignity and forcing you to compromise your self-esteem and sense of self-worth just to be in his presence? That's BS. Even you wanting to meet up makes you look desperate like you're trying to get whatever tiny, unfulfilling, disrespectful bread crumb you can catch. Leave him a voicemail simply saying, "I deserve better. Goodbye." and don't ever speak to him again. You're letting this guy make a total fool out of you, girl :/

  • I can tell that you have already figured out that having sex right now is not a good idea.

    Do you know any older couples who have been together/married for a long time who can give you guys some advice? You might need to sit down and write down your concerns and have him do the same.

    How long have you guys been dating?

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    • 3mo

      We had been dating 7 months. Things were great but slowly devolved into just sex really. 😕 We didn't speak for about three weeks and then he text me saying that he really missed me and he wants more. That we need to figure things out. The most stupid thing I ever could've done was sleep with him before we had set in stone what was happening. We did talk about what had to change and he agreed to it but so far, I haven't seen much. I do care about him a lot but this whole stuck in limbo is so tiring.

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    • 3mo

      Well I tried ringing him last night but got no answer. I text him to tell him I just wanted a quick chat but my battery's going to die so I'll chat to him later. I'm thinking maybe tomorrow night? I'm going out tonight so I don't really want to be having a heavy convo with him.

    • 3mo

      Alrighty. You have let him know about the conversation. I wish you the best of luck.

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