Why does this guy keep flaking out but then seeks me out after?

So went on a date with a guy back in January whom I met online. We made plans for a second date but then he went MIA. I didn't think much of it, because I started dating someone else. In April said guy sent me a message saying he was sorry for going MIA but that he had family issues and it had nothing to do with me, but I didn't respond since I was dating someone else. Well the someone else and I broke up a month later, and after signing up for a dating website, I happened to match with MIA guy who sent me another message apologizing for his disappearing act. Being single again, I thought I'd give him another shot. And things seemed to be going really well. We had a blast together. Many common interests. Lots of laughter. He seemed super into me, kissed me, held my hand, said he thought I was beautiful, awesome, fun, etc. Great chemistry. Well four dates later he started acting distant. I invited him to my place and he declined, saying he was tired (nothing had ever progressed past kissing). The next day I had a message from him telling me I was a fantastic catch, but that he just doesn't have relationship time and didn't feel right coming back to my place and advancing things when his life wasn't where he wanted it to be, and when we weren't on the same page. So... I lost his number. Until just recently when he reached out on facebook. I told him I've been busy and am no longer interested in dating anyone, that I'm focusing on myself (all true), and he said that he's still not ready for a relationship either, but that he thinks I'm great, but he's leaving it up to me if we see each other again. I said friendship would be the best I could offer at the moment. But... I guess what I'm wondering is why this guy keeps seeking me out. What's his deal. How many issues must he have? I'm at a loss.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's really into you. He adores you, you are beautiful , smart, funny - a great catch to use his term. As long as he isn't playing a game, he was shooting you straight by telling you he's not up for a relationship right now and that's refreshing to have that much honesty when he could (potentially) be going to your place for a physical encounter. He seems to not only respect you but value you which is why he turned it down.
    But he can't let go of you cause you mean a lot to him so he's like to keep you close in case it progresses into more than friendship, when you and he are ready. It's pretty simple really - he wants to be near you when you and he look up and realize your both ready for a relationship and he's hoping you pick him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He probably doesn't know what he wants honestly


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What Guys Said 3

  • Tell him to fuck off. He's playing you for a fool. I can see 1 date after meeting online and going MIA being forgivable, but a second time after several dates is not.

    It is important to always make sure other people respect you, whether that's a friend, coworker, date, whatever. If you keep letting him back into your life after he repeatedly leaves it, then you are letting him know he can disrespect you and get away with it.

    As to why, who knows. Maybe you're one of his backups, maybe he has some personal issues to work out, or maybe he just lost interest. You don't owe him any explanation, just tell him you're no longer interested in dating him. He doesn't need to know you aren't dating anyone or anything else about your life.

  • Red flags! Run!

  • Had to hide the wife and kids first


What Girls Said 1

  • Very obvious. He wants a friend with benefits type of thing. Basicaly he wants to fuck you without comittment. At least he is very honest about it.

    • I would've thought the same, except I actually invited him over to my place and he turned me down. Basically he didn't want to advance things physically because he felt it wasn't right when his head wasn't fully in the game. Realistically, he could have just hit it and quit it, but he didn't. That's the only thing that gives me pause.

    • Very weird. Seems like he doesn't know what he wants. You need to stop being so available. He needs to understand that you are NOT at his disposal. Find someone else. Best of luck.