How come all my dates are boring?

I'm a bit of a shy guy, so I'm not the best at keeping the conversation going, but I've been on enough dates now that I'm seeing a pattern. All the girls I've dated are boring too. I mean I do my best to get the conversation flowing, but they don't help out at all. The never elaborate on things, their isn't hardly anything they're passionate about it's ridiculous. I'm still dying to go on a date with a girl who's full of life and will talk my ear off the whole time. I haven't found one yet. Most of my dates are online, so maybe that's why. They probably are shy too.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally I can be extremely talkative but I have to find a guy I love talking to to do that, or if I find us to have chemistry and compatibility my mouth will just go on about any subject (usually deep ones).
    The issue is that a lot of guys seem to like small talk and get weirded out by discussions or deep talk so I find myself to struggle at times, especially on dates I can come across as too open for many.
    If I don't see myself to have any chemistry with you friends or relationship wise my mouth often goes shut for the most part.

    Asking a girl why she isn't talking a lot or why she's silent is one of the worst things you can do though, even moreso if you are the shy type yourself.
    To get her to open up more you have to be open as well, and you have to make them feel comfortable, and look interested every time she speaks so she feels like opening up more because she knows you'll listen.

    There have been cases where I've been talking to a guy and he talked and talked and then asked me why I'm so silent, so eventually I told him this really interesting crazy story that happened in my life but when I spoke he just seemed so disinterested that I didn't even feel like talking to him anymore.

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    • 3mo

      "The issue is that a lot of guys seem to like small talk and get weirded out by discussions or deep talk so I find myself to struggle at times, especially on dates I can come across as too open for many." This totally! I am guilty of this too!

      I also had a guy do this to me too once :( "Asking a girl why she isn't talking a lot or why she's silent is one of the worst things you can do though, even moreso if you are the shy type yourself."

      It made me feel absolutely the worst, and I was actively talking to him! Try not to point it out at all! It just makes it so much worse!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Women are taught to look pretty and let men lead. I agree most women are boring 😴😴😴

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What Girls Said 14

  • It can be hard if you are shy and are trying to find someone. I'm shy too and I feel like I never have anything to talk about, though I do try! I think part of the problem is if you view yourself as boring, you are already going to be more self-conscious about sharing details about your life because you won't think she will find them interesting.

    in my opinion you need to start getting out and doing more things. Even if you only do 1 new thing a month, it will help give you something to talk about on your dates.

    Also, don't put pressure on the lady to keep the conversation going. Do some research and find out ways to be a better conversationalist. And cut people some slack, perhaps they are nervous too. It can be hard to keep a conversation going when you are nervous and the other person is also shy. Long silences are normal and happen. Don't make it more awkward by dwelling so much on them. Perhaps you are cutting people out who are great choices for you, all because they weren't a charismatic conversationalist.

    I find a lot of guys I was dating weren't asking me questions, so start there. People typically find it easier to talk about themselves. Find out what hobbies they like, what types of music they like, ask if they have been to any concerts lately, or seen any recent movies. Ask them if they have any quirks. Those are all great ways to get the conversation going.

    Also, try to have dates where you are not just sitting across the table from one another. That puts so much pressure on you and the other person to keep the conversation going. Go on dates where you are doing an activity, like Mini put, bowling, even an art class together. This will also help conversation to flow more naturally.

    Good luck!

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    • 3mo

      If after a date or two the person simply isn't asking you questions or trying to get to know you, then drop them. I've had to do this a few times. It sucks, but if a person isn't actively trying to get to know you, then what's the point? I've had this happen to me so many times and it's frustrating! There's not much you can do about other people and how they are on dates. But you can at least make an effort to become a better conversationalist. That way you will attract people who are also better at communication :)

  • If you are a bit of a shy guy but you do your best to get the conversation going then I can only assume that she is not doing her part to keep the conversation going?

    It sounds like you are meeting women that won't even do that little part?

    Maybe you should rethink who you are asking out. Maybe go for the more adventures, extraverted females. You may find you are better fit with them than with females more like you.

    I think the phrase opposite attract only really works in the case of introverts and extraverts. I think this is when the yin-yang thing works for relationships. The rest of the stuff, I think relationships should be pretty similar: outlooks, dispositions, skepticism, religion, etc.

    But for extraverts and introverts, I think relationships are better suited if they are opposite in this matter. That is my advice.

    Good luck to ya' :)

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  • Women do worry that we talk too much sometimes.
    My boyfriend always says that I "never stop talking" Half the time he's not even listening though, so I can just carry on, but I am aware of it around other people.

    Maybe they're already worried that they're boring you so they keep it as brief as they can?
    Not necessarily you, but shy guys can be quite hard work. If she's not sure of your reaction to how she is with you, she'll stop.

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    • 3mo

      Maybe I need to crack a joke or something and be like, man I thought you girls always talked guys ears off, you've barely said a word :P

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    • 3mo

      In all reality i'll probably find her saying something dumb to be cute. The last girl I went on a date with hardly talked at all and immediately wrote off that we weren't compatible after a quick 10 minute walk on the beach. She literally acted like I was the dumbest guy in the world when I didn't realize Amarilla was in Texas. lol Sorry I haven't looked at a map lately, I don't go up to the pan handle very often. lol

    • 3mo

      The following is a very general statement...

      If you are dating introverts then they will be the ones that are worried about what they say and are more cautious about what they will say so they will not say much.

      If you, yourself, are an introvert, then this can be problematic since the conversation will not be easy to say the least and may be forced to say the worst.

      But at this then you both are at fault. But really there is no fault, you just are both yourselves.

      If you are still wanting to date introverted girls and are still worried about the conversation then I suggest you have your date at a place that will make one of you speak enthusiastically. There has got to be something that one of you is interested in that it makes so you want to talk about that subject. There has got to be. And then the other will feel at ease listening to someone that is passionate about something.

      I have to believe this is what happens. Otherwise how do introverts date? Silently... but knowingl lol

  • I've only went on dates with 3 guys. They were just one of dates with each of them. Its the last time I ever use online dating. The first one bored me to death because all he could do was bang on about politics, the second one wasn't over his ex and the third one wasn't much of a conversationalist and kept trying to grope me and kiss me at the cinema. I love to talk but I hate it when I'm always the one putting all of the effort in. I'm the kind that will just come away with some random shit just to try keeping the conversation going. Lol. So you can see why I don't really put myself out there for dating anymore. Shy can be very sweet and endearing but after a while it gets boring.

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    • 3mo

      I find women never really elaborate on their answers when I ask them things, so it's hard for me to build a conversation.

    • 3mo

      Yeah I know what you mean, I hate it when people always cut you dry and just give you one word answers. Then your thinking, great! What now? Lol.

    • 3mo

      I ditched the online dating. Its one thing talking to people on the internet but when you meet them in the flesh its a whole different story. They become less chatty, less humourous and just seem to be really dull and boring. I see that someone else has already suggested active dates like going wakeboarding or clay pigeon shooting rather than going for coffee or out for a meal and drinks so that you can talk more. Its a good idea if your into those activities or want to try new things. But I think, that you just need to find a woman who's more outgoing and loves to talk.

  • Maybe try someone outside of your routin girls. Or try something high energy and somethi, g that would get them active and comfortable with you really fast. Don't choice places like restaurants and bars, or even coffee shops. If you want to take her to dinner, try a cooking class, or take her to do something she has never tried before. Think outside the box, be creative, I am sure they will open up to you.

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    • 3mo

      How about a go kart track? They also have a game room and we could play pool and some of the arcade games to get to know one another. That way there isn't a bunch of awkward silence that seems to drive some girls crazy. lol

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    • 3mo

      Yeah. Who knows, I don't get as much social interaction as I should though, so I'm always a bit awkward.

    • 3mo

      I say own it. Don't let that hold you back. I am awkward. I trip over my speech all the time, I make correlations to things people don't always get. I make jokes. That are always corny but I always laugh at them. I enjoy reading Harry potter fanfictio n though I never read the books or watched any of the movies past the first one. We all have our things. Some people just don't admit to them.

  • What do you mean your dates are online? Like you don't spend time irl? I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation for long online either

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  • Do you have good conversations online?

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    • 3mo

      Depends on the girl, some are better than others. I've found girls who we have good conversations texting, but when we meet in person they barely say anything. I honestly think it's because the person usually looks different in person than what you looked like online, so they probably just aren't attracted, which causes them to not put in any effort.

    • 3mo

      Maybe you should offer to Skype first?

  • #1, are you a handsome guy, good looking that is? the reason I ask is yes they might just be shy because you intimdate them with your looks.

    #2 what type of dates are you taking them on? is it something that is more relaxing or something exciting? If it's more of a relaxing venue than they may be inclined to talk less.

    #3 what kinds of topics are you choosing to talk about? you shouldn't dive right into asking big questions, keep it light and simple, keep it fun.

    #4 keep trying

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  • Try going on more active date, where you are doing stuff instead of just trying to make conversation.

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  • Maybe you just failed to get in to her. That's it. Try to get to know more about the things she wants. And try to engage on that topic. Establish trust between the 2 of you even if its on-line thing. Women are not shy at all if they are comfortable and trust the person they are talking to. And don't rush for a meet-up, let her open up more. I'm sure when you’re both comfortable and trust each other, the better the dating would be.

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  • Maybe try with another kind of girls? Or go for a few dates maybe they'll be less shy of You than?

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  • You could try going on a date with more physical activity. If they are shy, it might help break them out of their shell a bit more.

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  • you've met some really bad girls... sorry about that.

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  • maybe you just going after the wrong girls

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What Guys Said 4

  • because you haven't tried figs yet

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  • So, your dates are online, or your RL dates are with people you met online?

    I find talking online gets boring.

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  • they are not boring if their date was with some chad thundercock, they would jump into sex immediately

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  • It's because you aren't an 8/10 dom male model

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