Now that you're 30+, how have your dating standards changed?

Assuming you're 30 and older, how have your dating standards changed since you were younger? What are your new deal breakers? Is there anything you find attractive now that you didn't before? What are you not willing to put up with? What qualities of potential partners do you find valuable now? Is there anything you despise now, that you used to like?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm married now (got married around 30) so dating is off-limits, but if I pretended like I was single...

    >> What are your new deal breakers?

    Maybe devout religious beliefs and girls who don't drink any alcohol. When I was young I was more open to dating girls so incompatible with me if they were hot. Now I've been with enough hot girls to kind of be more choosy and avoid those I think would clash with my personality too much.

    >> Is there anything you find attractive now that you didn't before?

    I think more girls in their 20s are attractive to me now. I used to be more picky. Now almost all slim girls in their 20s are attractive to me.

    >> Is there anything you despise now, that you used to like?

    Fake boobs. After I dated a girl with one, I never liked breast augmentations again. They looked nice in a dress but they didn't look quite as good naked and felt all wrong.

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    • 3mo

      Various aspects have narrowed and expanded.

      Looks-wise I think I've expanded a bit in terms of what I find physically attractive to where almost all slim girls are quite attractive to me. However, I'm absolutely certain I like slim girls only now since I tried to date a chubby one and didn't really find myself very physically attracted to her when it counted most (in the most heated and passionate moments).

      Personality-wise I've tightened just a tad to exclude those that I'm almost 100% certain are completely incompatible with me.

      Age-wise I've kind of expanded a little bit. I like girls in their mid-20s and upwards usually which covers a wider range than when I was in my 20s where I only liked girls around my age back then.

    • 3mo

      Another thing is that I don't really have a "type" anymore. When I was younger I was looking more for girls that fit some preconception of what I thought I might like which was completely divorced from experience.

      After dating a wide range of girls, I no longer believed in type because I fell for the ones I least expected.

      Of course I say I like slim girls but it's because actual experience taught me that I don't care for body fat and girls who have a thicker waist than I do. But it's not that slim girls are my "type" per se, it's just because I discovered firsthand that I don't like a lot of body fat on a girl.

      So I came to find things I definitely dislike but I don't know what I like exactly. That's left to pleasant discovery (or not) when dating a girl.

    • 3mo

      Very insightful!

Most Helpful Girl

  • The biggest difference for me is more guys have kids and some of them have baby mama drama. That all is harder to navigate than being young and free. Though many guys where I'm from had kids in their late teens and early 20s, so it's been that way for a long time.

    I've always been a loner, so I didn't date just anyone and only really like a certain type of personality in a guy (laid back, "hippyish" smart guys), which I frankly don't know how to change.

    After a bad relationship where I almost ended up married to a real jerk (a nerdy and extremely critical engineer, not a "bad boy" for the record), I've stopped trying to force myself to be into guys that I don't mesh with even if a few of the traits I like are there.

    Also, even though females get most of their social status from having a man and children, I'm more accepting that I'm weirder than I seem on the surface and it's just how I am. Im more at peace with not being "good" at being the proper little woman and being a strange absentminded professor type.

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What Guys Said 21

  • I'm not 30 years old yet, but my dating standards have dramatically changed compared to age 20.

    The type of girl that spends a lot of time and money at the gym and on cosmetics and takes mirror selfies and goes clubbing for drinks and attention is 100% out. In my experience, they have not demonstrated values aligned with my own, because they are too busy thinking about their looks and the next opportunity to take snaps and instagram pics.

    To summarize this, an overt sense of entitlement is icky.

    Now, I greatly value girls that have taken school seriously and enjoy learning about the world around them. A level of open mindedness and vision beyond the end of a selfie stick is required. We GET to learn something new, rather than feel that we HAVE to. This is the path to enlightenment and true empathy.

    To summarize this, humbleness and depth is yummy.

    Also, I'm no longer a willing hero to a damaged girl. It's really a futile effort dealing with someone who has been traumatized or is dealing with other mental issues such as addiction. These minds have been corrupted, and the rational person that I want to believe is trapped underneath the chaos does not exist. I've learned it the hard way, and am now aware of this at 26. At 20, I'd be getting into trouble trying to be a kind savior, only to be used and abused like everyone else on her lying, manipulative war path to getting her personal high.

    To cap this off, being disciplined and not leaving this to chance is also something that comes with maturity.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah i won't date a guy who had a bad childhood or a and home life. It affects them too much

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    • 3mo

      @Nothanks700 I've had bad experiences with guys who had those types of backgrounds. It just isn't worth it

    • 3mo

      This was lovely! Thank you for sharing :)

  • Nobody with kids and i apply extra scrutiny to divorced women. The kid thing is less about the kids and more about her not having the freedom to do anything.

    As for divorced women, there's a reason most are divorced in their 30's. Doesn't take long to see what that is.

    Finding someone that's kind, mentally stable, not shallow and moderately attractive is harder than you think. Then you gotta' find the ones that are emotional available to date.

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    • 3mo

      Lol you are forgetting the fact they are all at their sexual peaks and that causes sex to be one of their top priorities. This means a lot of these women aren't who they appear to be as they just want to have fun.

  • Well for starters I feel like a dirty old man at the clubs and robbin the cradle ain't for me so I avoid them now. As a single dad as well I find more attraction to single mothers rather than single females with no children. I actually had to resort to online dating and find I have just as much time for that as I do actually going out and meeting people lol. Dating after 30 sucks that's my conclusion. One redeeming factor is women this in their 30's just hit their sexual peak ;)

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    • 3mo

      LOL I still go to clubs (infrequently) and don't care that few are over 25. The only place I may feel out of place is in Europe in one of those clubs where the min age is about 15.

    • 3mo

      @zagor lol I wish I could say the same but I guess I feel like a dirty old man going to the clubs and let's face it, the younger women haven't been around long enough to learn to avoid alpha bulls when drunk unless they want to get laid because once we got them that is a guaranteed outcome.

  • Well, obviously the age range I would date has shifted to the right; no more teenagers (though I can still look). I also put more stock into what they are doing with their life and their interests, though I never was into bimbo types at any age.

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  • Yes. I tolerate a significantly smaller amount of bullshit.

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  • Nope I still prefer attractive teens and maybe early 20's. That's always been my standards and always will be even if I live to 80. Only things that the past 25-30 years have done to me is give me a few minor wrinkles that I now need to remove and 15 pounds that I need to lose.

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  • Divorced and signle parents are in the "depends" mode now.

    I'm getting more and more into the "little particulars" now.

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  • I have the same partner at 30 I had at 18 and 23, so my standards I think are the same lol

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  • Nothing really changed. I'm still as unattractive as I was in my teens, lol!
    Some people just weren't meant to be wanted, haha!!

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  • They have changed. I'm more adamant about not dating single mothers.

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  • Little more flexible on looks especially around signs of aging.

    More flexible on some stuff.

    much less flexible about expectations in terms of sex and in terms of communication skills.

    Less interested in pursuing a girl who isn't that into me, more interested in looking for mutual high interest.

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  • Never changed... Always worked just fine.. A relationship, never fails.

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  • My standards got lower because of my experience because there aren't any single girls who aren't ugly with a decent personality and aren't relatives of mine.

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    • 3mo

      And I thought I grew up in a small city! Lol move over to where I am. There are more men then women in our city. Even a dufuss can get something here that ain't ugly or related.

  • I guess a lot has changed a lot has changed but I'm still to pretty much the same and still close to them same age group as then since I only go for much younger now. Only deal breaker is if they have very young children and if they don't do certain things in bed but nothing unusual though. Tend to like dark haired women more than before also

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  • I won't date single mothers (a widow would be a different story, but most single mothers aren't widows).

    I won't date a woman who has more than a small number of sexual partners (under 3, preferably), and no women who have casual sex outside of committed relationships, even if it was just once.

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    • 3mo

      I'm not a hypocrite for stating that, either, since I have had zero sexual partners.

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    • 3mo

      I'm only going to lose my virginity with the right woman, so no.

    • 3mo

      I just want to smack you upside the back of the head and hire you an escort. In your teens virginity is commendable, in your 20's admirable, in your 30's it has become a bunion you should get surgically removed!

  • Only halfway there but so far the main change is my tolerance for nonsense. Right now I can stomach very little of it. I will assume that at 30+ I would move on straight away.

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  • Really hasn't changed much. Obviously divorced women or single parents are acceptable. A job IS required, unless they are retired with a pension. I'd expect a greater degree of maturity and responsibility.

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  • Not 30 yet but will be soon. My dating standards have changed in that I no longer date. I don't want a relationship or to get married. The dating pool around my age is getting smaller with people getting married. And there is a lot more single women with kids, something I don't want any part off. So I don't try to, nor do I date anymore.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i used to be more accepting and willing to accommodate boys if they were really really cute. i dated so many ”idol face” cute boys and got pickier and picker about looks and behavior.

    then i realized that looks alone, while crucial, aren't enough. he has to have a sweet demeanor and a good heart.

    social status and power also matter to me now.

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  • I'll be 30 in a week. They are basically the same. No one with kids or who wants kids. I don't want kids. We have to get along well enough. He doesn't have to work out or even be fit, but I don't want someone too unhealthy either. I never used to care until I dated a guy that just smoked weed and ate while he lounged around all day. He wasn't overweight either, I don't know where he put the food because it wasn't healthy. It just disgusted me as someone who works out and is healthy. I don't care if he works out either. I just don't want someone who sits around eating junk all day and getting high. That's about it.

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