I have anxiety, and I have fought hard to work with my issues. For me personally if someone has a condition severe enough that it'll hinder our relationship (because they have to rely on me too heavily for support, not just for support in general) then it can pose an issue.
I'm not totally against the concept unless this person is an extreme case, because I tend to be attracted to confidence and the way a man carries himself.
I think it's because we have become a society that values such extreme extroversion that anything other than being a loud-mouth "life of the party" is considered "undesirable". Many socially anxious people I know are actually good honest people, with integrity, and humility. None of that is valued in today's society though. It's about how "outrageous" and "in your face" someone is. Just look at some of the comments here:
we "have something to hide" we "are anti-social" we "are boring" we "make them uncomfortable (by not socializing enough!)" we "aren't being ourselves" we "give off negative energy" we "don't WANT too (socialize)".
None of those ideas are usually even remotely true. I mean people stay with other people who cheat, who are violent with them, but socially anxious? OMG! There is something wrong with our culture when many people forgive cheating, lying, and even violence, but Social Anxiety is often viewed as a mortal sin.
"Quiet" by Susan Cain goes into some more detail about the extroverted-obsessed culture we now live in. It deals more with introversion, but I think Social Anxiety is closely tied in.
I feel like people expect everyone to be 100% perfect before entering a relationship. Everyone has something they're working through, and relationships are meant to be supportive and a way for people to do life together. People with mental illness, especially social anxiety, are considered too weird or unstable to be a trustworthy partner, which isn't fair. I have social anxiety, and I'm pretty sure there are others like me who have the potential to be a great partner but aren't given the chance because of what's really just a different kind of personality. It's not a defect (unless you have debilitating panic), but that's how people see it.
I don't want to be around someone that gives me negative nervous energy. I'll happily be friends with someone like this but not in romance.
I used to have social anxiety and still do in many ways but keep it at bay with meditation, exercise, clean diet and constant mind training. Its not supposed to be easy!
Someone is instantly more attractive if they can help themselves and you will be suprised to find out how many confident/outgoing people struggled to become themselves. They actively work hard at keeping their minds and body healthy because they learnt the hard way.
I understand any type of anxieties. Life isn't easy for everybody, and we often forget to consider what a person has gone through in their past. It doesn't have to mean something physically, but it could have been a bad interaction with somebody, being at the wrong place at the wrong time to witness something that emotionally changed you, etc.
The only type of social anxiety I have is having trouble keeping eye contact, or not exactly knowing what to respond with. I guess you can say that's social awkwardness. I don't know. But with the nature of human beings, we can be quite intimidating and judgmental to each other. So, there's no shock that anxiety exist.
As far as dating somebody with social anxiety, it wouldn't be a turn off. I might sometimes get the wrong impression that I may bother them if they don't respond straightforward and seem like they're avoiding. So, I would hope the effort would be somewhat equal from both sides to let me know I'm on the right track.
As long as there is no issue IN the relationship. Many with social anxiety are comfortable with their friends and partners, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue if that was the case. Also as long as they are able to go places with me. I would never put them (or even those without social anxiety) in an uncomfortable situation where they would be introduced to a big bunch of people and expecting them to talk. I even absolutely hate that myself. However I don't want them to rely on me too much and I don't want them to ALWAYS make the excuse that they have anxiety to not do something like trying to treat your anxiety, or not put any effort at all into getting know my best friends or family for instance.
I thrive off of being around other people, whether it be my friends, or just in busy places like the mall, dt, the gym, etc.. I wouldn't have anything personally against someone with social anxiety, though would be hesitant to date seeing as how their anxiety would be a pretty big conflict of interest between the two of us.
I'm not very extroverted.. I love my alone time more than being surrounded by people.. but when I'm with people like friends or anyone else I'm dealing with I make the most of that time and like to enjoy it to the max.. I'm a confident person and I'd like my partner to be confident as well... it's not just partner.. I don't get along with people who have social anxiety in general because they just don't like to interact and usually just hide.. and I don't make th effort or take time to get them out of that hiding spot to get to know them.. they get along better who're shy as well.. because they can understand each other
I;m not sure, I don't know what social anxiety really is, but if the guy is really shy and can't approach me I wouldn't know. I like it when a guy comes to me and flirts with me confidently because there is no way I'm going to go for you first simply because although I'm extroverted, when I find a man very attractive I can barely say a world, and it would be awkward if both of us are completely silent.
Extroverted/social people just wouldn't have many things in common with such a person and in addition; their entire lifestyle would have to change if they considered a relationship with someone with social anxiety. They couldn't take them to social events, parties, maybe not even to meet their family or friends - just any kind of environment they themselves thrive in. I think it's only natural they prefer someone who is more like them in that regard.
It depends on the person. Sometimes it's because you are harder to get to know. Sometimes people who have social anxiety exhibit self hatred of some kind (I know many people like this). People who are down on themselves all the time. That is a huge turn off.
I can handle awkward, I'm awkward too. I dunno if I can handle creepy/apprehensive to an extent that I'm uncomfortable (which would mean an EXTREME case of social anxiety) because I'm awkward, and I know what it's liked to be nervous.
I have social anxiety. Just a much harder time opening up to people I'm not generally accustomed to being around. Plus certain people give off this vibe that makes it absolutely impossible to want to talk to them.
My boyfriend quite often forgets about my anxiety, like dumbfoundedly forgets. He'll tell me to come out into the kitchen and I'll panic because all his flatmates are there and he's trying to get me to talk and interact and I'm just frozen and he just completly forgets until I'm back into his room crying my eyes out. Of course he apologizes profusely, but I also know he is always trying to push me a little bit, I've gotten better lately and he has been less pushy.
Any way I don't think it's really an issue in our relationship, I'm not so bad that I can't go out, (large crouds are a little stressful) I do dread ordering any food, but I do it. I'd kill him if he broke it off with me because of that.
It's hard to interact with them. Also, when you first meet someone, and you don't know they have a social anxiety issue, you might just think they're acting strange. It's not a deal breaker, though, especially if they're working on it.
In most cases it's because they are ignorant to the true meaning of the term. A lot of people assume the person is unstable , which is totally unfounded. I know people with social anxiety and they are very stable , level-headed people.
It's not a turn-off per se but the whole act of two humans bonding for whatever reason (friendship, romance) is a *social* affair.
Someone who shies away from social situation is generally going to hinder their ability to participate in all of these things. They're going to be largely an outsider and spectator in such a case, not so much a participant.
For guys especially, you tend to experience a world of difference in your ability to command wide female attention if you have the skills to get noticed and become popular in some way, elevating yourself in some form of social hierarchy. I used to have anxiety as well and got over it and it made such a world of difference. You could just have the traits that allow you to be popular among your friends or a leader in your workplace.
All of this requires social skills. Leadership itself is a social skill and someone with anxiety here is generally going to be a timid follower or a non-participant (even working yourself towards the bottom of the social hierarchy or even outside of it completely). That tends to put you at a disadvantage in attracting women. Some kind of ability to rise in some type of social hierarchy seems important here.
So much of it is social -- confidence is social, independence is something that can only generally be conveyed socially, leadership is a social quality, etc. You could be a star of some sort (star athlete, e. g.) and not be social and still get widely noticed and popular, but those are the rare exceptions where you might be able to attract a lot of females in spite of being anxious to interact with anyone.
It's not necessarily that many girls won't want to date a guy with social anxiety but he'll rarely get his foot in the door in person to attract a girl in the first place unless the girl finds something really unique and attractive about him anyway and fixates on him. You don't get much of a choice in attracting women if you shy away from social settings.
For me it is not a turn off in itself but the way she behaves because of it is a turn off. I don't mean when she is really nervous and shy. I mean when she just randomly flakes on plans, when she goes by how she feels that day, and when she just disappears for a long time with no warning.
I have several freinds with social anxiety but it is when they act out of fear and break their word and flake that it is a turn off.
For some extroverts their nervousness is a turn off because they thrive on having fun with people. If someone is scared in the group and not having fun then the group responds and tones things down for them. Which the extrovert does not enjoy doing.
Would I date a girl with it sure but I'd ask her how can I help with her social anxiety before going any where public. Also a lot of people with SA enjoy doing active dates or hangouts. So they can get their minds off of it and so people are not just in a group talking.
Usually because it's awkward talking to them at first. You want to have a good conversation when you meet them, but if they can barely put two words together or look you in the eyes, it can be quite off-putting.
I think people often think the person wouldn't be fun to be around, which isn't necessarily true. The two people may get along great and the person with social anxiety may feel very comfortable to open. Some would feel uncomfortable if the other person is uncomfortable (they probably have some anxiety issues themselves).
If you utilize a shred of empathy and imagined what it's like to try to talk to someone who's for some reason afraid of talking to you and avoids doing things just because they don't want to talk to others either and how much of a nuisance this is if for you "talking" is pretty much normative and default; then you'd see that it'd get on your nerves in 4 minutes
I'm okay with awkward, I'm slightly awkward, but wow there are limits to it.
Any social disfunction is going to limit your pool of viable women. Animals breed based on preferential traits, same with humans; however we screwed the pooch with the millennial generation that has convinced women that men are objects to be used for a momentary period of time until his type is out of style at which time she's replace him with the new model that's in.
Social anxiety just makes it harder for you due to not wanting to be publicly shamed and always trying to read into what other people are thinking about you while they haven't even noticed that you're in the same room. Work on mindfulness and turn your social anxiety into self reflection.
Because people assume (sometimes correctly assume I might add) that a person with SA will be high maintenance. My advice is to just tell the other person you are shy until they get to know you better. There is no reason to share that. With any luck your SA will improve and it won't even be an issue and you won't ever need to share it.
Confidence is a huge part of turning women on. If you're nervous most of the time (and believe me, I was diagnosed with social anxiety myself - altough today Im mostly normal) you won't be able to turn her on.
I am/was social anxious aswell. But I think I have managed to cure it for the most part. Do you have social anxiety/need help?
Back to the question. I think it is a turn off, because you basically don't talk much and/or you behave awkward around others. People tend to feel uncomfortable if the other end is nervous/uncomfortable aswell. It doesn't really make them feel good, as opposed to a charming and happy shining person
I wouldn't say it's a turn off, it's from what I've seen is that they feel like they're making you uncomfortable, the person can be difficult to talk to/get to know. And lots of people don't have patience
Every aspect of social life in the West has been invaded by women and feminist ideology. Lonliness and mental illness are an epidemic in all these feminist countries like Sweden, Denmark, US, UK, Canada etc.
If men are constantly busy trying to impress women (see cool with the ladies) then there will perpetually be fights/animosity and people will ignore each other.
Reading all of these comments... you know, guys? Fuck you!
I have social anxiety, but I get shit done. I have a high paying job in sales, I talk WHEN I NEED TO TALK (even though I hate talking to people and I get nervous), I've been on dates with countless women and I still get laid.
Again... I am really shy and quiet... but I still get what I want.
You people have so many stupid misconceptions about socially awkward people. We aren't that bad. Get over yourselves.
I am not a social person, and it took me a long time to understand why social ability is so prized, but I finally got it.
Evolutionarily speaking, the only way to get ahead and thereby provide for your children, especially after you died, was to leave them with a web of social connections that you can only create through social ability or intelligence.
Now we can leave money, and we can get ahead through other means, like being an inventor, but historically there was no other way than being able to manipulate people.
Women, evolutionarily speaking, want their children to survive and again evolutionarily speaking, choose men with the ability to help their children survive.