Have you ever liked someone who wasn't in a position to be in a relationship, and if so, did you wait?

What became of it?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Thirty-five years ago, I liked someone who was married. I knew her husband and I thought he was a fine man. She and I went out after work for a drink once and she kissed me. I knew that we had crossed the line and I told her that it was wrong and we should never do that again. A few months later, I moved away and never saw her again.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, I was hanging out and trying to get to know this guy (we met online) and he was very scared to get into a relationship. He had some bad experiences in the past, but said he was ready to move forward if he met the right person.

    However, he never made time to get to know me, and stressed that he needed to know me if anything were to come of us. So I became really frustrated trying to get to know him and schedule time to see him, for him to bail.

    When he did see me, it was always on his terms. I would watch him play hockey and I would drive 45 minutes to see him play, but we wouldn't spend much time together. I really liked the guy, but I soon realized that I was spending my Friday nights watching him play. Prime dating time, and I didn't feel he was making an effort to get to know me. I always asked questions, and tried to get to know him. But he never asked me anything. I waited for 6-8 months, but realized that I was really unhappy with the situation.

    So things didn't work out between us. Which is fine. I was sad for a bit, but I realize it's for the better. I want a guy who is going to want to be with me.

    I think if you are in a position where the person isn't ready or able to be in a relationship. It's fine to wait. But set a limit for yourself. Don't wait forever, and don't close yourself off to other people. If you two aren't exclusive or haven't made any promises to be in a relationship, it's fair game to see other people. And you should, because waiting and closing yourself off is only hurting your chances at finding someone.

    Why put your dating life on hold for something that may never be? Unless this guy is making an effort to get to know you and develop some type of bond with you (whether that be a friendship, relationship, etc...), then it's not worth waiting. But if he is actively pursuing you, working on his issues or whatever it is that keeps you two from being together. Then it's worth it.

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    • 3mo

      i agree with you. but technically how is it waiting if you're seeing other people/ does waiting just mean not moving on from them as a possibility of things ultimately align?

    • 3mo

      @AriadneSky I see what you are saying. But I think if you are not technically in a relationship with that person, are they really closing themselves off to other opportunities? I don't think so. That is why I say don't close yourself off. You don't have to actively pursue other people. But if you happen to meet someone and are interested in going on a date with them, don't feel obligated to tell them no simply because you have initially only been interested in this other person.

      It can be easy for us to close ourselves off in the beginning when things look promising. But if they aren't making any promises to you, why automatically give them that courtesy? I know that probably sounds bad. But from my experience, it doesn't hurt to go out on a date with someone else. Especially since you are in fact still single.

      I've had this happen many times where I put all my focus on one guy, only to find out he was shopping around and found someone he liked better.

    • 2mo

      Thanks!

What Guys Said 1

  • No I haven't and no I wouldn't. Time is to short to just wait.

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What Girls Said 22

  • Yeah. There were two guys I waited on. One of them thought he wasn't good looking enough or in his words "doesnt lift enough to have a girlfriend". After he said that I left him alone, still see him there at the gym from time to time, talk to him sometimes but let him focus on himself. And funny enough he liked another girl and she liked him but did get the hint that she liked him and this was when I liked him, so he ditched me for someone else 😓
    The other guy is similar to the first one, he wants a "prettier" girl, like the instagram models but it felt like he was leading me on and I was his source for an ego boost so he had confidence to chase those types of girls.
    Either way doesn't end well and you feel like shit 💔

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  • This is the story of my life, let me tell ya.

    I waited for years casually dating this one man. I loved the hell out of him (still do) but he had some things to work through (or so he said). I was miserable to tell you the truth. Unrequited love is quite possibly the worst feeling. Ever.

    We had wonderful times together and he really is a great guy but I needed more from him than he was able or willing to give. I had to step away because it was making me nuts. I have no idea if it was just me or if he was telling the truth about not being ready to get serious. He was always good to me. I think he loved me but not sure HOW he did ( be it as a friend or lover--I dunno).

    Sure do miss him but I just couldn't go on like I was any longer. Started feeling crappy about myself and thinking I wasn't good enough for him (but deep down inside I know I am) and all those other jacked up feelings.

    I tried waiting and hoping but it never came to fruition. Perhaps you're stronger than I am and are able to hold onto hope. After 2 1/2 years I was done.

    I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I hope you fare much better than I did.

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    • 3mo

      It is the worst feeling. I feel for you, and I hope you're making it well (or better) now. It's a terrible position to be in.

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    • 3mo

      @Tenseven But you believe you're completely done now?

    • 3mo

      Feels that way to me. If he wanted me around or missed me, I'd think he'd contact me. Just don't know...

  • I did not wait. If he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he would have been; if you truly love and care for someone you can make it work. I wasn't his priority, so I wasn't wasting my time making him mine. So I let him go, and I'm happier and healthier for it.

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  • Yeah we were both about to move to different countries in the world, so I didn't wait and just moved on.
    I ain't got the time to wait for people, plus relationships are really low down on my priority list lol. I honestly couldn't give a fuck.

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  • Yes multiple times and that's why I'd rather never be with anyone now. That shit is pointless, a true waste and know one who really cares about you would out you in a position to wait and what not.

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  • Yeah.. I had tons of crushes on guys that were in relationships but I never tried to intervene out of respect for them.

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  • Yes , many times but I realised its not going to work waste of time and emotions so I moved on. I told myself it won't work and there is someome better made for me.

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  • I haven't but I wouldn't if I had. It's not worth it.

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  • I have, I sat by for about a year and a half while they were with someone else. They broke up and a while later i ended up getting into a relationship with him that lasted for years. I just tried to be the best friend i could be to him. Not because i hoped itd make him fall for me but because he was happy and though it made me a little sad, it was nice to see him like that.

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  • I did, we waited because he had baby momma drama. They weren't together but she thought they were and I just waited it out, lots of drama n threats towards me but I realized I loved him and he loved me too ( he said it first) now two years later we still together n in love even more!

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    • 3mo

      How long did you have to wait?

    • 3mo

      We met in feb 2014 n made it official July, 6 months

    • 3mo

      5 to 6 if I count dates. Sometimes things take time 😊

  • yea cuz he's already in one. but I'm not waiting for him. if he happens to break up with her and asks me out then great, but I don't want to be second choice.

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  • It did not end well, he had to much "stress and confusion" going on in his life. In the end that was just a cop out, so that he wouldn't look like a bad person breaking it off. If a person truly wants to be w/you, they will, if not they will use the excuse of "I'm not in that position right now".

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    • 3mo

      I agree with you on this to some extent. But I'm not ready either and I really want to be with him. I think it goes both way they do want to be with you. But have there own personal issues they want to deal with first. Everyone ia diff that doesn't mean they don't want a relationship. Mine is complicated but we both do want to be together it's just not the right time.

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    • 3mo

      @SunFlower30 so are you together now or just friends?

    • 3mo

      @TikiTook Just friends! lol but it's hard especially when we're together alone, we don't mess around but we cuddle and kiss. To be honest I have other options I still want to explore, see who is best match for me.

  • I have. We dated briefly broke up due to poor timing and ended up getting married 3 years later. Any advice would be to focus on yourself and if it's meant to happen it will, try to remain friends

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    • 3mo

      How long were you broken up for before you got back together? Also I don't think just friends is an option for us, since sex seems to always be involved...

    • 3mo

      when you say focus on yourself thats fine but it won't just happen. i mean if she starts dating other people while focusing on herself. or are you saying dont date anyone else but then how long will she know to not do that. waiting and moving on at some point overlap but you dont know for sure, so you just have to make an educated guess... nothing that happens just happens. thought goes into everything.

      when you waited did you see other people and how long till you guys started dating both times from not dating?

  • I have but I didn't wait, I just assumed that he didn't like me enough

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    • 3mo

      Did you assume wrong? What happened?

    • 3mo

      I'm not sure since I started ignoring the guy and we longer talk
      He didn't try reaching out so I'm assuming I assumed right

  • I've liked a lot of people who I've had no intentions of being in a relationship with

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  • Yes.

    I didn't wait.

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  • Nah not me.

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  • It sucks

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  • Yes I have been waiting for 2 years now lol that's because we're both not ready.

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  • I hooked up with a friend, a guy in a relationship. It made things really awkward after that, and I felt really bad for his girlfriend. I had liked him for years before that though.

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  • My best friend and I knew each other for years I had the biggest crush on him and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I waited until I found someone who cared for me and I fell for him. Now my best friend is mad, like TF? I waited practically 4 years for you. If you are in a similar situation, from my experience, don't wait. If it's for you then it is.

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  • I waited. Eventually he broke up with her and we started talking. It didn't last he didn't want to be with me I suppose. He ended up getting back with her. And now he's trying with me again

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    • 3mo

      Sounds pretty indecisive to me...

    • 3mo

      Yes. He says he really likes me but I don't think he wants to be with me. Every situation is different your could end up working out great

    • 3mo

      @OP, I agree with you some relationship does work out, but if a man is indecisive best to drop his ass.

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